


Begin Again

by literatidiaries



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:07:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 84,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22153015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literatidiaries/pseuds/literatidiaries
Summary: No matter what Rory and Jess did, it always felt as though the universe was working against them. They could never get the timing right and even when it seemed like the right time for them to be together, fate managed to somehow intervene.Roughly ten years later, and they still can't find their footing. Rory is pregnant with another man's child with very little to her name while Jess is in Philadelphia with a successful career in writing. When their paths cross again, it's crystal clear that whatever spark they had between them as teenagers, remains.Will Jess and Rory succumb to fate's twisted games or will they fight to show that they belong together?Mid to post-AYITL.
Relationships: Lorelai Gilmore & Rory Gilmore, Luke Danes & Jess Mariano, Luke Danes/Lorelai Gilmore, Rory Gilmore/Jess Mariano, Rory Gilmore/Logan Huntzberger
Comments: 157
Kudos: 208





	1. Time Stands Still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory receives life-changing news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work begins at the end of summer/beginning of fall (end of August/beginning of September).
> 
> Please feel free to always leave a comment or kudos if you like what you read. I appreciate any and all feedback. I hope you enjoy and thanks for giving my fic a chance.
> 
> Disclaimer: ASP owns Gilmore Girls, the characters she created, and some of the dialogue. Everything else is mine.

**"Fifteen seconds."**

_Negative._

The test reads negative. Rory breathes a sigh of relief and drops her head to rest on the cold surface of the bathroom wall. Not wanting anything more to do with the used pregnancy test, she throws it in the trash can that's next to the sink. She feels as though a weight has been lifted off her shoulders and she's pounds lighter. At the age of thirty-two, some women might feel discouraged at a negative pregnancy test. Rory, however, barely has a stable job, has about one penny to her name, and can't find her underwear. All at the age of, you guessed it, thirty-two. A baby is the last thing she needs right now when she can hardly look after herself.

Yet, as Rory's heart soars at the good news, she can't help but reflect on her strange behavior these last couple of weeks. Even though she's throwing up every other morning like clockwork, she's not feverish. She's craved Luke's cheeseburgers like she needs them to breathe and she's exhausted all the time. Like, all the time. Even on the days when Rory's had the best sleep of her life the night before, she can barely stay awake until nine o'clock at the latest. Something isn't adding up, but she can't deny the facts. And the fact is, the test came out negative. She's not pregnant.

"Rory?"

She quickly hides the pregnancy test, covering it with some toilet paper as best she can. Once she deems it good enough, Rory exits the bathroom to see her mother in the kitchen. Lorelai groans dramatically, hoisting one grocery bag up onto the table. Behind her, Luke follows with at least four more bags. Rory laughs lightly at the difference. _Typical._

"You could help, you know," Luke says between clenched teeth, looking directly at Rory.

"Right! Sorry."

Rory lugs two bags from Luke's arms and almost collapses from the weight. She lets out a groan, trying to push the bags back onto the counter until Luke steps in and does it for her. She exhales loudly, brushing her hair back from her face.

"What's with all the groceries? We eat at Luke's almost every night. We don't need all of this stuff."

"Luke is on a mission to make us eat healthier. He took us on a detour on the way home from visiting venues and the next thing I knew, we were sitting in the parking lot of the grocery store."

"Healthier?"

"I'm sure there's a head of lettuce in here somewhere," Lorelai goes on, pawing through the bags before giving up. Rory theatrically gasps. "I know! I might have to draw something up, a document that clearly states he must feed me comfort foods at all times. You know, play the role of the dutiful fiancé."

Luke shakes his head and begins to put the groceries away. Lorelai comes up from behind him and hugs him to her. Rory smiles softly at the display of affection, looking away to give them privacy.

"Anyway," Lorelai clears her throat, "what have you been up to since we've been gone?"

 _Oh, nothing. Your usual pregnancy scare, took a test, turned out negative. Crisis averted._ Rory flushes underneath her mother's and Luke's stare, picking at the tablecloth as she settles on a normal reply, "Not much. I read a little."

"Are you feeling better?" Lorelai wraps an arm around Rory's shoulders. "We picked up some medicine just in case."

"I think I'm good. Thanks, though."

Lorelai beams and kisses Rory's temple. Her insides warm at her mother's maternal instinct that's still going strong even though Rory is technically an adult. For a fleeting instant, Rory wonders what she'd be like as a mother. Would she be the fun mom? The strict parent? More importantly, would she be a good one? Rory squirms at the thought of having her own baby and hurriedly shuts it down. She's worrying over nothing. The test wasn't positive. She has nothing to fret over.

"Make sure you look at the rest of those wedding venues by Thursday," Luke reminds Lorelai as he passes by to head back to the car.

"Rory, remind me to look at the wedding venues by Thursday."

Rory rolls her eyes, laughter spilling from her mouth. "I will."

"Good." Lorelai walks to the living room, plopping down onto the sofa while grabbing the remote. "Being a bride is so hard."

Rory joins her mom, laying her head on Lorelai's shoulder. Eventually, Luke comes back inside and wordlessly leaves them to their show. Later, some clanging can be heard, followed by the mouthwatering smell of tacos.

"I thought we were going to eat healthier," Rory remarks when she walks into the kitchen half an hour later.

"We are." Rory lifts a questioning eyebrow. "Starting tomorrow. We have to ease into it. Your mother can't quit cold turkey," Luke finishes with a grumble.

Rory grins, pushing off from her place in the hall. Lorelai is hot on her trail while she takes in the sight of the tacos. She pretends to photograph the food and Luke gently shoos her away so he can focus. Rory's grin widens, more thankful now than ever that the test was negative. A baby would change everybody's lives, and right here and now, is good. Despite her depleting career and her lack of financial stability, Rory doesn't want this to change. Not anytime soon, anyway.

* * *

It's six in the morning in London. Rory only knows this because she's flown to London and back enough times for Logan to understand the time difference. They're currently on the phone, discussing miscellaneous topics in hushed tones. Logan only flies her out to London when his fiancée, Odette, is away and in the meantime, they have the phone. Rory doesn't feel good about being the other woman in Logan's relationship, but she loves him. At least, she thinks she does. She wouldn't do this whole sneaking around thing for just anybody.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

Rory inhales a shaky breath and adjusts her position in bed, bringing the covers tighter around her. "If it comes down to it... When it comes down to it," she whispers, unsure if she truly wants to hear Logan's answer, "would it be me or her?"

Logan sighs on the other end and Rory can practically picture him standing by the windowsill of his fancy, expensive loft in London - a torn look on his face, the rising sun shining through the windows. She holds her breath. His hesitation is an answer within itself.

"You're really going to marry her?"

Rory wants to add, _after everything we've been through,_ but she doesn't. She doesn't have that right. She's the other woman in this situation and Logan didn't exactly promise they'd end up together. She always knew there was a decision to be made, but that never stopped her from having hope.

"That's the dynastic plan," Logan replies.

Rory flinches at the smoothness of his voice, at how simple it was for him to answer such a loaded question like that. She wasn't only asking if he's going to marry Odette. She was asking him to choose her. Rory considers hanging up, ending this affair between them once and for all. He's made his choice. He's really going to marry Odette.

"I have to go. She's going to wake up soon."

"Right. Of - of course."

"Bye, Ace. Talk to you soon."

"Bye, Logan."

* * *

The first half of the next morning is spent with Rory hugging the toilet bowl, hunched over as she spews her stomach's contents while her mother sits behind her and holds her hair away from the mess. Rory whines, ripping off a piece of toilet paper from the roll to dab at the sweat beading down the side of her head.

"Kid, I really think you should see a doctor."

"I'm fine," Rory protests as another round stirs in her stomach. She didn't even have a lot for breakfast. She could hardly stand to eat the plate of scrambled eggs and toast that Luke made her, and now she knows why.

"Rory, my love, you have to go see someone. You've been sick on and off like this for almost two weeks now."

"You'll come with me?"

"I will come with you," Lorelai confirms, running a comforting hand down Rory's back. "You finished?"

Rory waits to see if anything else is going to be making a reappearance, but thankfully, her stomach settles. She nods and Lorelai helps her stand up, guiding Rory to her bedroom. Rory lays back on the mattress, legs dangling off the edge while her mom picks out an outfit.

"Change," she orders and walks out of the room. "I'll go call the doctor. And make sure to brush your teeth again!"

* * *

When the Gilmores arrive, the doctor's office is coincidentally filled with children. Rory wants to run back to the car, but Lorelai's firm grip is what keeps her. Rory uncomfortably approaches the receptionist's desk and gives her name. The girl behind the desk checks her in and explains that the doctor should be with Rory shortly.

Lorelai eyes the children that are freely running around and grabs a magazine off the rack. Rory is too on edge to even think about reaching for the book in her purse. With each minute that passes, her nerves grow. At minute ten, a pregnant woman enters the waiting room, hand resting protectively over her large bump. Rory's stare immediately falls to the bump. The woman has to be at least eight months along, if not nine already. She looks about ready to pop. Rory can feel her throat tightening, her heart lodged inside.

"Rory Gilmore."

Her chest deflates when she hears her name being called and she scrambles to meet the receptionist at the door. Rory follows the girl down a lengthy hallway and is told to wait in room 7A. There's a gown on the table and Rory changes into it once the girl leaves. When she's dressed in the medical gown, Rory cracks the door open just slightly so the doctor can come in whenever he's ready.

"Rory," Doctor Hardcastle greets. "What brings you to my office?" She doesn't answer. He'll find out soon enough. Rory quietly watches as her doctor washes his hands and looks through her chart. "It looks like you're feeling ill, and according to your mother, it's been like this for... two weeks?"

"Almost two weeks," Rory lamely corrects before she can stop the words from tumbling out.

"Almost two weeks," he repeats, humming thoughtfully as he reads her papers. "Well, Rory. Why don't you tell me your symptoms while I do a check-up?"

"Sure." Her doctor reaches for the stethoscope around his neck and instructs Rory to breathe when necessary. "I've been throwing up nearly every morning. My appetite has been weirder than usual. I'm having a lot of cravings."

"I see. Anything else?"

"I'm constantly tired and my abdomen hurts sometimes," Rory trails off and points to her side, "...right here."

Doctor Hardcastle's eyebrows furrow and a different girl enters the room to take Rory's blood pressure. Her head goes dizzy for a second while the device squeezes the life out of her arm. The girl takes a glance and undoes the band, making a note in Rory's chart before walking back out. The doctor goes back over Rory's information and stares blankly at her.

"Are you sexually active?"

"W-what?" Rory splutters. It's a normal question, one to be expected at the doctor's office, but it still manages to catch her off guard. "Um, yes. I am."

"When was your last menstrual cycle?"

"Last month. I'm late by..." She silently does the math. "...five days this month and I still don't have it, but that's normal. Right? I mean, that can happen, can't it?"

"Being late or missing a period isn't uncommon. I'd like to run a test or two, though."

Doctor Hardcastle explains that he'll be right back and exits the room. The girl who took her blood pressure earlier comes back with a plastic cup. Rory's face hardens.

"I'm not pregnant," Rory blurts. "I took a test and it came back negative. I think I'm just sick, so if the doctor could just prescribe -"

"Doctor's orders, I'm afraid. If you're not pregnant, like the at home test said, you have nothing to worry about. I'll be back in five minutes."

Rory nods and swallows harshly. She stares down at the cup, her whole future suddenly hanging in the balance.

* * *

"Pink means pregnant," Doctor Hardcastle informs Rory thirty minutes later, after they took samples of her blood and had time to run what was in the cup.

Rory's world spins on its axis, thrown off by one little color. "How... How far..." She can't even finish her question.

"Coming up on about two weeks, I'd guess, but you should make an appointment with an OBGYN to make sure." Two weeks? That's half of the first month of her pregnancy and she didn't even know she was pregnant. Her doctor gestures to her with open arms and a sincere smile. "Congratulations, Rory. This is great news."

"Er... Thanks."

"We'll have the rest of the test results back to you in three days tops, but I'm almost absolutely certain this pregnancy is the cause for your symptoms."

Rory doesn't answer as he leaves. She merely slips off the table and changes. She feels like a zombie, moving without a real purpose. Except... she has a purpose now, doesn't she? Rory drops her hand to the side of her stomach, still flat. She frowns to herself. She can't be a mother. Not now, not with... Logan. Oh, God. What's she going to tell Logan? Does he even need to know? He said so himself, he plans on marrying Odette. This baby - their baby - would throw a wrench in their relationship, more so than her affair with Logan ever could.

This pregnancy will change everything and not just for her. Logan, Luke, her mom... Her mom, who did everything she could so Rory would avoid the fate of being a single mother. Albeit, Rory isn't as young as Lorelai was, but it's a similar destiny all the same. One Rory definitely didn't ask for, and one she's not certain she wants at all.

**"That's all it takes to completely change everything about a person."**


	2. The Honeymoon Is Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan shows up in Stars Hollow with his friends. Rory makes a difficult decision.

**"Understanding a situation..."**

It's not the morning sickness that has Rory's stomach churning today. It's the guilt. In classic Gilmore fashion, she forgot to break up with Paul - again. The good news is, she wasn't forced to have the awkward _I'm pregnant with someone else's baby_ talk or make up a far-fetched excuse. Paul broke up with her by text message this morning, claiming that their schedules are too conflicting. Sparing a half-hearted glance down at her stomach, Rory couldn't agree more.

As consequence for treating Paul so badly, or so she believes, Rory has been chained to the toilet for the last hour. Over the past two weeks, when Lorelai has asked, Rory's used the flu and food poisoning as excuses. Rory knows she can't hide her pregnancy forever. She'll have to tell her mother eventually, but she hasn't yet decided what she wants to do about the baby.

To add insult to injury, Logan has been calling and texting more frequently, trying to get Rory to fly out to London. Knowing she can't be around Logan without the overwhelming urge to blurt out her dirty little secret, or rather _their_ dirty little secret, she's avoided all of his attempts to contact her. Although, similar to her situation with her mother, Rory will have to ultimately talk with Logan. At least she's safe from talking to her mother for the time being as Lorelai has turned to nature for answers following her many disagreements with Luke.

The pair have been fighting often over the littlest things - usually regarding the wedding - from the type of flowers to what color pocket square Luke will wear with his tux. It's odd, but as unfortunate as it is, Rory is grateful for the extra time so she can figure out where to go from here.

Wiping the back of her mouth with a piece of toilet paper, Rory stands on shaky legs. She's barely able to hold anything down anymore. This pregnancy is literally sucking the life out of her. Gone is the bright, relatively happy woman. In her place is the pale, surly woman who almost always has dark circles underneath her eyes, and is continuously looking for her next nap.

"Come on, Rory," she mutters in one breath. "What would Christiane Amanpour do?"

She'd suck it up, brush her teeth - again, get dressed in her best outfit, and go to work. So, that's exactly what Rory does.

* * *

The walk to the Stars Hollow Gazette seems to drag more so than normal. Rory enjoys what she does, but it's not truly a job. The actual human growing inside her is just a mere reminder that she needs a real job and soon. One that will provide for her - them - financially, should she choose to keep the baby. Unlocking the doors, Rory exhales heavily. She'll have to quit eventually and she's already dreading that talk with Taylor. Inside, the chairs are empty and the desktop screens are blank. She settles in at her desk and powers on her old computer. It glitches twice before the screen comes to life.

Taking out her notepad and a pen, Rory starts to go through her notes for her book. Thumbing the written and slightly smudged title, a smile pulls at her mouth. The book was Jess' idea. She never really saw herself as a writer. She always thought she was more of a journalist, but Rory has found that writing like this makes her happy. It's liberating. She would have never thought of the idea to write a book about her life with her mom. Yet, Jess knew it was exactly what she needed at that point in her life.

In front of her, the dinosaur of a computer displays the login screen. Rory sets down her notes to enter her username and password, but she's interrupted by a pop up message.

"Get ready," it reads.

Rory blinks once. Is she hallucinating? Thinking that she's being punk'd, she takes a look around and does a double take when she sees a pig roaming the streets outside. It has a message attached to its side, but Rory can't make it out. A beeping sound from the computer startles her and pulls her back to reality. The screen is now black, like all the rest in the small office - if you can even call it an office. Rory simply laughs at herself. The pregnancy hormones might be seeping into her brain now. She's certain she just imagined the message and the pig.

Although, in a strange town like Stars Hollow, neither would really be out of the ordinary, now that Rory's thinking about it. Shaking her head, she returns to her notes.

* * *

It's strange. When Jess first stepped off the bus and onto the sidewalk so many years ago, he never would have considered Stars Hollow to be home, but somehow, even in his thirties, he constantly finds himself drawn back to this small town. Jess wouldn't call it home, not exactly, but it's close, as much as it pains him to admit. There's one definite thing that keeps him coming back - Luke. Well, maybe two things, but that's a whole other story.

"Luke?" Jess calls out as he pushes open the door to the diner. "Luke?" Surprised by the amount of people and the lack of volume in the diner, Jess momentarily falters in his quest to find his uncle. "Luke, you here?"

There's a deafening clang and then a cloud of white from behind the counter. Jess huffs out a breath, briefly closing his eyes. A second later, Luke pops up with his trademark plaid shirt covered in the same white substance.

"Oh, Jess. You're here." Luke distractedly wipes at his shirt. "Is it four o'clock already?"

"Just about. Lucy Ricardo stumbling out next?"

"Ah, jeez. It's - the flour bag broke and Cesar is trying to make all these orders for everybody."

Jess nods and gestures to the customers. They're all attached to some kind of electronic device, whether it be a computer, a laptop or a phone, and some even have headphones in. It's like Luke's worst nightmare come true.

"I noticed. Diner of the dead."

"Oh, yeah. Some jackass asked me for the Wi-Fi password and an even bigger jackass gave it to him."

"Yet, in the time that I lived here, you never gave me the password."

Luke opens his mouth to shoot back a remark, but is interrupted by Cesar.

"Luke, pick up!"

Jess takes an open seat while Luke delivers the plate of warm food. He pauses and goes left, then right, and then back left again. Jess knits his eyebrows together and quirks his head to the side. Luke places the plate in front of the customer and comes back to stand behind the counter. Jess leans forward, waiting for his uncle to say something, but Luke doesn't take the hint.

"What's going on with you?"

"What? Nothing. I'm just a little tired. That's all."

Jess rubs a hand over his jaw, fingertips catching the scuff that's growing in. Luke shifts uncomfortably, looking back at the opening to see if Cesar is set with another order.

"Everything okay at home?"

"Fine," Luke answers quickly.

"Fine, huh?"

"Yes, fine."

Jess narrows his eyes and pushes up from the stool he was sitting on. He rounds the island and guides Luke toward a free table. Jess forces Luke to sit down and he takes the chair across from him.

"Talk."

Luke grumbles and folds his hands on the table. Jess mimics the action, waiting. "Lorelai’s doing Wild."

"Movie or book?"

"Book."

"Go on."

Luke looks around his diner, probably searching for an out. Jess spares a glance, too, noticing that everyone is either eating or they have their heads buried in their electronics.

"She's out in California," Luke finally confesses. "She's doing some hiking. We've been having some... some uh, you know, between us -"

"Communication problems?"

"Exactly."

Jess shrugs, tapping his fingers against the surface. "Maybe she wanted a vacation."

"Yeah, from me. From us."

"Look, I'm just hearing headlines here, but it… it doesn't sound... good."

Luke sighs and hangs his head for a moment. Jess silently wishes he never voiced his theory, but when Luke agrees, Jess gives him as comforting a look as he can. It's not much, but it's all he can manage.

* * *

On the way home, Rory is surprised to find her hand laying protectively over her stomach. It's dark out, the only illumination coming from the street lights, but something doesn't feel right. Needless to say, she's so freaked out that her first instinct was to protect her baby, which freaks her out more.

"Hello? Is anyone out there?"

"In omnia paratus."

One of Rory's co-workers, Esther, steps forward with a flashlight held up to her face. Rory jumps back, one hand still on her stomach and the other over her racing heart.

"What?"

Esther smiles and walks away. More confused than before, Rory stays put, noticing three figures dressed in coats and hats with masks on. Realization dawns on her. There's only three men she knows who would do something so elaborate, and the saying, _in omnia paratus_? Rory knows exactly what's happening now and her shoulders sag in relief.

"Are you gentlemen lost?" she asks.

"Gentlemen, did you hear that?"

"I did and I’m offended."

"Are we going to take that? Let this girl call us gentlemen?"

Rory rolls her eyes at Robert and Finn, the action barely highlighted by the light from the lamp posts. They each go back and forth like this for a bit and Rory feels fondness overtake her fear. She didn't know how much she missed Robert, Finn, and even Colin - who was the third figure.

"There was a meeting, my darling," Finn speaks, the three of them still dancing around her.

"A meeting?"

"There was scotch," Colin chimes in. "We voted."

"And we decided that we had to come and take you out," a new voice says, stepping out of the shadows.

Rory's heart sinks. She'd know that voice anywhere. Of course, Logan is here. Why wouldn't he be?

She hasn't decided what she's doing about the baby yet or if she was even going to tell Logan at all. It seems like the universe is trying to force an answer out of her one way or another. Rory's throat tightens, but she plasters on a smile for Logan's sake. He returns it and takes her hand.

The five of them pile into a car. "With a Little Help from My Friends" plays over the radio and Rory's smile turns into a real one as time passes. Soon, the car stops on a deserted street and they exit the vehicle. Rory is hurried toward a nearby alleyway and Logan knocks on a side door. Inside the creepy building is some sort of underground club. Logan tightens his grip on Rory's hand and leads her toward the dance floor. Ignoring the nagging voice in the back of her mind - the one that's screaming at her to talk to Logan - Rory dances. She's horrible at it, but it's the most fun she's had since she found out about her pregnancy.

After two songs, Logan takes pity on her and guides them to a private table. They're barely seated when a waiter comes over with a tray of drinks. Rory shrinks in her chair, accepting the drink. She splays her hand around the glass, but doesn't drink the concoction.

"Well, you're still a terrible dancer, but damn... You are a beauty."

Rory shakes her head at Logan's line. As if she needs to be thrown anymore lines. She's already pregnant with his kid. "Save the sweet talk, Huntzberger."

"Glad I came?" Logan grins lopsidedly and takes a drink, leaning back in his seat.

"Why did you come?"

"You haven't been to London in more than a month. I wanted to see you."

Rory huffs quietly, releasing her hold on the glass. She pushes it away slightly and thankfully, Logan doesn't notice. She'd be lying if she said that she didn't miss Logan, too, but with the news of everything… It makes their relationship so much more complicated than it already is.

"I've been busy."

"I know, writing your book and all," he replies with a proud expression. "Which brings me to my next gift."

Rory lifts an eyebrow. Logan adjusts in his seat, taking out a scrap of metal from his pocket by the way it glints underneath the light. He slides the object across the table. It's a key. She picks it up and spins it between her fingers, waiting for the catch.

"It's a key to my family's house in Maine. It's great, private, and now it's yours."

"You're giving me a house?"

"You can stay as long as you want while you write the book."

Rory declines and places the key back on Logan's side of the table. "I can't accept that."

"Yes, you can."

"I can write anywhere," she insists. "I don't want the house, Logan. It's too much."

He's clearly disappointed by the rejection and Rory’s guilt grows. Fortunately, she's saved by Colin, who suggests finding a B&B. Quickly, maybe a little too quickly, Rory agrees and stands.

* * *

At the time, it wasn't goodbye. Rory had a moment of weakness and found herself in Logan's arms last night. Although, as she watches Logan sleep, she's starting to think that last night should be goodbye, at least to their relationship. It's what's best for the both of them. Rory pries her stare from him and wraps his shirt tighter around her chilled body as she gets out of bed to stand near the window. It's a gray, cloudy morning and Rory can't help but feel like the weather is mirroring her mood. Her stomach stirs. From nerves or from morning sickness, she doesn't know.

"Come back to bed."

Rory whirls around to see Logan awake. He's sitting up, the blankets bunched around his waist. Any other time, she would take a second to admire him in all his glory, but now isn't the time. Instead, she asks, "How long before you have to get back?"

"I have a flight at noon. Don't do the math."

"Someone needs to."

Logan drops his attention to the sheets, tracing odd shapes and lines. Rory takes the opportunity to study him. When they were younger and together with no other obstacles, she swore that she saw her future in Logan each time she looked at him, but now, all she sees is lost love and the tiniest hint of regret. Rory swiftly wipes away a stray tear that managed to fall.

"Come on. We have to get you home," she announces in a forlorn tone.

Unbeknownst to her, this little adventure was exactly what Rory needed. She knows what she's going to do, what she has to do. The decision has been made. Dropping a hand to her side, fingers gently moving over her ribcage and down to her stomach, Rory is certain of her future, with or without Logan. That will be up to him once she reveals what she's been hiding.

Her future is this baby.

**"...doesn't make it any easier."**


	3. We Are The Kraken Of Our Own Sinking Ships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke and Lorelai go through a rough patch in their relationship. Rory tells Logan her secret.

**"It's amazing how much distance one truth..."**

Every ride has to end. That's how the saying goes, right? Even if it's the best ride of your entire life and has filled said life with endless shades of technicolor, it eventually has to end. The irony of that statement is not lost on Rory as she says goodbye to Finn, Robert, Colin, and soon - Logan.

"Stay photogenic, I beg of you."

Rory has to crack a smile at Finn, waving while they turn the corner. Logan has the car keys, but they're kind and smart enough to leave her alone with him to do what they have to.

"All right," Logan mutters from behind Rory, bracing his hands on her shoulders. Rory squeezes her eyes shut and takes a deep, calming breath. "Let's do this."

"Let's do this," Rory replies as she turns to face Logan.

He manages his trademark boyish grin while Rory feels like her heart is seconds away from pounding out of her chest.

"If you change your mind about the house, it's yours. No strings attached."

"Well, maybe... maybe just one string," Rory nervously answers.

Logan furrows his eyebrows and Rory sighs, readying herself for what's to come next. She doesn't expect Logan to drop everything, Odette included, to be involved in his son or daughter's life. She knows him too well. That doesn't mean he's heartless. Rory just knows how he works. He's got the good life and she doubts he'll willingly give that up. Not even under these circumstances, not without some sort of fight.

"So, you're saying you want the house?"

"No," Rory answers with a breathy laugh. "No. I - I... Logan, I'm pregnant."

Logan goes stiff as a board, blanching at the news. Rory waits, gaze never leaving him so that she can try to gauge his reaction. So far, nothing. He gives absolutely nothing away. Finally, after a solid minute passes, Logan clears his throat. Immediately, his stare darts down to Rory's midsection, as though she's hiding a radioactive device under her shirt somewhere.

"You're..."

"Pregnant," she weakly confirms with a lift of her shoulder. "But it - it's okay, really. You... You don't have to be involved. I know that this is the worst possible news you could've asked for, and I wasn't entirely sure how to go about it myself, but -"

"You're giving me an out?"

"I'm giving you an out."

Some of the color starts to return to Logan's face, though he still looks like he aged ten years within the last five minutes. He rubs at the back of his neck. If things were different, if he and Rory were together... "I don't know what to say, Ace."

Rory hates that her stomach flips. It wasn't exactly the answer she wanted to hear, but it wasn't the answer she was expecting, either. Honestly, she expected him to take the out right away, but he's hesitating. Rory would be lying if she said it isn't throwing her off a little.

"I guess you don't have to say anything. I've made my decision and I think I'm okay with it."

"You think?"

"I don't know, Logan. I - I'm in my thirties, I don't have a real job, I'm living with my mother," Rory lists, talking animatedly with her hands. "I don't know what I think right now. The point is, despite what I may or may not think, I _know_ that I... I don't want to give up this baby."

Logan lifts an eyebrow, pacing. This isn't how he wanted this adventure to end. "And I don't get a say?"

Rory stands her ground and steels herself. She's already given him an out. If he doesn't take it, that's on him. Logan reaches for her, but she anticipates it and jerks away. Rory shakes her head and continues to step out of his reach. She half-expects him to follow her, but he doesn't.

She's made her choice. It's time for Logan to make his and whatever he decides, Rory will have to make her peace with it as she's starting to make peace with her own decision.

* * *

Rory makes it the whole way home without breaking down. Once she's safely parked in her driveway, though, she finally lets the dam break. When she left Logan, she felt good, strong. _Ready._ But the further she got from him and the closer she got to home, it was like something inside her snapped. If Logan backs down, can she really do this? Can she be responsible for another life? She can only just keep her own life on track.

Taking a moment for herself, Rory leans her head against the backs of her hands as they still rest on the steering wheel. The car idles and an old Bangles song plays softly over the speakers. Only yesterday, she was sure. She was so sure that keeping the baby was the right thing to do. She wanted this baby - her baby - for a fleeting instant. She still does, but now... Now, it's like she's second guessing nearly everything in her life.

Just once, it would be nice to be certain of something. To have someone or something permanent, definite, besides her mom and Luke, and her books. This back and forth game she's playing with her emotions isn't good for anyone, especially the baby.

Absently, Rory lifts her head a smidge, enough to lower her hand to her stomach. She won't show for quite some time, but she knows something... someone is in there. It's kind of comforting, in a strange way, to know she's not alone.

"What am I going to do with you?" Rory murmurs, fingertips dancing over her side.

She's going through with this pregnancy, that much is clear. Whether or not she can truly do this, look after another person, will be revealed soon. It's not a lot to go on, but it's the only answer Rory can give right now. It'll have to be enough. This isn't just her life anymore. It's theirs.

* * *

When Lorelai got home from her version of Wild, Luke wasn't expecting a fight, but a fight is what he got. Apparently, her being out in nature allowed her to see things more clearly. Honestly, Luke doesn't believe in that voodoo, but this is his fiancé, so he plays along.

"I'm not unhappy, okay? I'm not unsatisfied," Luke replies to Lorelai's latest inquisition.

Lorelai is still dressed in her plaid shirt, jeans, beanie, and hiking boots. Her backpack has been disregarded, left at the door when she first walked in. Enlightened as she was, she immediately latched onto Luke's wellbeing and their relationship. She didn't want to argue, but between getting home and now, it somehow escalated.

"You are! You don't see it, Luke, but I do. You are unhappy. You are unsatisfied."

Luke doesn't reply. He doesn't know what to do or say. The truth is, he is happy with Lorelai, but their relationship has been at a standstill for the last couple of years. They're still stubborn, she's still a child living in a woman's body sometimes, and they haven't grown together like he once thought they would. They've been together for years now. Shouldn't they be married already? What's stopping them?

"Marry me, then. Now."

"What?"

"Marry me. I'm sure Vegas is still open. We've waited long enough." Lorelai's eyes brighten with something like hope, but the light is snuffed out by a twinge of sadness. "If you're really as happy as you say you are, you'll say yes. Say yes, Luke."

Luke pauses. He doesn't enjoy being put on the spot and Lorelai should know by now that he doesn't take well to ultimatums. This is what he wants, right? To be married to Lorelai and spend their lives together? Luke stares at his fiancé and he's taken aback to see the mirrored expression on her face. She's just as unsure as he is, when really, they should have been racing toward Vegas the second Lorelai proposed an immediate wedding.

"I don't know if I can do this," Luke says in a low, broken voice. "Not - not just Vegas, but..."

Lorelai toes the floor with her boots, nodding once. "I know."

* * *

Rory never made it to the front steps. She got about halfway and then turned on her heel. She needs some air, time to mull things over. Plus, she heard Luke and Lorelai fighting from her place outside the house, so she decided to give them time alone, too.

Her footsteps carry her to Luke's. Besides her house, the diner has been her safe place in Stars Hollow for as long as she can remember. Rory doesn't go inside. She just stands by the window, watching. Some people sit and some stand. They all look happy and Rory is hit with the sudden realization that while they look happy, there's the chance that some aren't. She has no idea what anyone is going through or what's going on in their minds. Rory almost laughs. She doesn't look pregnant or like her life is a huge question mark with no clear answer in sight, but she is pregnant and her life is in fact, a huge question mark.

Rory exhales softly and moves to go, but something keeps her. Or someone, rather. Jess can be seen working behind the counter, dealing with customers. Rory's heart skips. She hasn't seen him since he advised her to write her book. He looks good from a distance and Rory almost goes inside to say hello. She stops when she reaches the door handle, her thoughts overwhelming her by the minute. He's probably in town to help Luke with the wedding. Rory shrinks, dropping her hand away from the door. The wedding might not even be happening now.

Simultaneously, it registers with Rory that this is the worst time to tell Lorelai about the baby. Rory can't tell her the news now.

Forgetting about Jess for the moment, Rory spares him one last glance as she walks away, a soft smile on her lips. No matter how much time passes, she finds that she always misses Jess. It's a persistent feeling, but one she welcomes.

Her ringtone for Logan cuts through the air. Scrambling for her phone, Rory answers. "Hi." Rory's met with silence and her heart rate picks up even more. "You've made your choice, haven't you?"

"I... Rory, I don't know if I can. I have..."

He didn't call her Ace, is Rory's first thought. He always calls her Ace. Her next is that he has everything he could want right now. A soon to be wife, a stable job with excellent income, his own loft. What do you give a man who has everything?

Rory nods even though he can't see her. She doesn't know how to reply, so she doesn't. She hangs up, ultimately closing the chapter on Logan, and ignores his next three attempts in reaching her.

It's official. She's single and pregnant. Her mother is going to be thrilled.

**"...can create between two people."**


	4. All Our Yesterdays, All Our Tomorrows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory confides in Lorelai. Jess meets with Rory to discuss her book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline update: it's about the end of September and Rory is roughly 5/6 weeks.

**"The events of your life are all crammed together, one minute right after the other,  
** **without any time lapses or blank pages or chapter breaks..."**

Moving on from Logan has been easier than Rory originally thought it was going to be. Rory misses him, of course she does, but the feeling never lingers for too long. Maybe it's because she has the baby to focus on or Lorelai to take care of, now that the wedding is off.

Stars Hollow is buzzing with the news about Luke and Lorelai's split, again, and they're taking sides. _Again._ Rory is briefly reminded of her first break up with Dean. The whole town essentially shunned him. An involuntary shiver runs down Rory's spine when she thinks about it. The town can be cruel when it wants to be.

To top it off, Rory still hasn't told her mother about the pregnancy. Admittedly, she's been avoiding the topic. Right now isn't the best time for baby news of any kind, but Rory will have to say something eventually.

Rory sits down on Lorelai's bed, gently pushing at her side, silently telling her to make room. Lorelai doesn't budge, simply tucking herself further into a ball and bringing the blankets higher around her. Rory sighs and smooths her mother's unruly hair. It looks like it hasn't been brushed in three days, at least.

"Mom," Rory speaks softly. Lorelai makes a noise that resembles a groan, but makes no other movements. "I know you're still wallowing, but I wanted to ask if you need anything from Doose's."

Lorelai straightens her posture and perks her head up. Rory smiles a little. She knew the mention of food would improve her mood, if only the littlest bit. "Cheese, candy, pop-tarts," Lorelai mumbles into her pillow. "Anything that will bring me comfort."

"Got it. Lots of comfort foods."

Rory leans down and plants a quick kiss to Lorelai's forehead, turning the light back off when she leaves the bedroom. Grabbing her sweater from the back of the sofa, Rory quietly shuts the door behind her and hops into her car. She could walk, but who knows how much food she's going to buy with her mom being in the state she's currently in? Taking the car is much safer.

Finding a place to park is easy since everyone in this town walks everywhere. Rory locks the car as a precaution, not that she truly believes anything will be stolen while she's gone.

Doose's is a bit empty, so she makes her rounds up and down the aisles. Her basket is filled to the brim as she grabs another jar of peanut butter. Looking over the items in her basket, Rory decides that she should have enough for her mom to make it through her post-break up blues. Turning to her right, Rory goes to checkout, but bumps into a solid wall. Well, not a wall. His chest kind of feels like one, though.

"Of all the gin joints in the world," Rory beams up at Dean. He mimics the gesture with a grin of his own, his dimples popping out on either side of his cheeks. Rory bends to collect what she's dropped and Dean helps, apologizing. "What are you doing in Stars Hollow?"

Dean stands to his full height, putting his hands in his coat pockets. "Visiting my parents."

"Oh, that's nice."

"Yeah, especially since Grady brought home the flu and head lice on his first day of school."

Rory cringes, scrunching her nose. Grady is one of the three Forester children, soon to be four, it sounds like from the talks of Dean's parents. Rory almost recoils in detestation again, but manages to maintain a straight face. She can't imagine having four children. She can hardly fathom that she's in the beginning stages of her first.

"God," Rory laughs lightly at the insanity. "How's Jenny holding up with all of the chaos?"

"She's a saint. She told me to save myself while I could."

"And the baby?"

Dean's smile widens. So, the rumors are true. Baby number four is on the way. "I'll have to speak with my parents," he mutters under his breath, but Rory manages to catch it. "The baby is good. It's a girl, so my sister finally has someone to shop for."

A girl, Rory thinks to herself. A girl would be nice. She can't picture herself having a boy and trying to figure out the ropes of raising one. Lorelai lucked out on having a girl, so hopefully luck is on Rory's side with this one, too.

"Anyway, how are you doing?" Dean continues.

"Oh, um... Well, things are changing for me at the moment and I'm still trying to figure it all out," Rory rambles. "I'm... I'm actually writing a book."

"A book?"

"Yeah, it's about my mom and me, and our life." Dean appears thoroughly impressed and Rory's chest glows with pride. She's proud of herself for doing something as brave and exposing as writing a book about her life. Which reminds her... "Can I put you in it? I mean, I'm changing the names to protect the guilty, but you'd still know it's you."

"Well, I don't see why not. You're not going to bad mouth me, are you?"

Rory's lips curl into a smile. She could say a lot of things about Dean, but when it comes down to it, he's turned out okay. "I'll try my best not to."

"Good," he muses. "It's fine with me."

"Thanks."

He nods and squeezes her shoulder. "I have to get going, but good luck with your book."

Rory shoots Dean one last smile and wave. She makes a mental note to ask Jess if he'd let her put him in the book. He played such a large role in her teenage years. Hell, he plays a large role in her life now, even though she doesn't see him as often as she'd like. Either way, her book wouldn't be complete without him in it.

Logan on the other hand... He got her pregnant and chose a different path that doesn't involve her or their baby. He can deal with what she does to his character.

Rory smiles to herself, finally feeling like things are starting to turn around for her. Maybe luck really is on her side.

* * *

The next day, Lorelai is showered, dressed and her hair is brushed. Rory had to help with most of it since her mom is still down in the dumps, but Lorelai has to go into work today to make sure everything's running smoothly. The comfort food Rory bought yesterday helps.

Lorelai pouts near the front door, her head hanging low. Rory pouts back and brings her in for a hug. They need each other right now, that much is evident.

"I love you, mom," Rory whispers.

"I love you, kid."

Rory grins and pats Lorelai on the shoulders as she pulls back. Lorelai sighs and turns to leave for work. Once the door shuts, Rory is left in the house by herself. She plops down on the couch and reaches for the remote, turning on the television. An old Lifetime movie comes on and she shrugs to herself. It'll do.

About midway through the film, Rory begins to doze off. Her eyes shoot open, though, when she remembers her mental note from yesterday. She really has to start writing things down. Quickly removing herself from the soft confines of the cushions, Rory reaches for the landline. She dials Luke's number, one she knows by heart, and waits.

She'd call Jess' actual cell phone, but she's not sure if he's still in town with the wedding being cancelled. That, and he changes his number weekly.

"Luke's."

"Hi, Luke. It's Rory."

"Oh, Rory. Hi."

"Hi," she repeats lamely. It's quiet over the line while she gathers herself. She hasn't spoken to Luke since he and her mom broke up about a week ago. "How... How are you?"

Luke doesn't answer right away. Rory wishes she called Jess' personal phone. "We don't - We don't have to do this, Rory," he says in the softest voice she's heard him use to date. "You know I'm here for you. I'm always here."

"I know. I just... Me, too, Luke. Me, too."

"So, what do you need? Delivery?"

"Oh, no," Rory rushes. "I was looking for Jess."

Luke goes silent again. Rory _really_ wishes she called Jess on his cell. She could have avoided this whole fiasco altogether. "He's with a customer right now. If you want to wait..."

"Can you just send him to the house when he gets a chance? I have to talk to him about my book."

"Oh, sure. He'll be done here in about five minutes. Is that all right with you?"

"That's great. Thanks, Luke."

Rory hangs up and heads back to the sofa, sitting on the arm rest while she waits. The movie starts to come to a close as the main couple runs into each other's arms. Soon afterward, the film ends and Rory takes that as a sign to turn the television off. A knock on the door pulls her from the blank screen. Rory hops down from the couch and answers the door. Jess is there, head lifting when he realizes the door's opened. She smiles fondly and gestures for him to come inside. He does, shedding his bomber jacket as he goes.

"What's up? Luke mentioned something about your book."

"Yeah, I... I wanted to ask your permission to put you in the story."

Jess nods, taking a seat in the chair located in the corner of the room. Rory takes her previous seat on the cushions and leans forward. It's really good to see him again.

"My permission?"

"You had to know you'd be a part of this story."

"I did," Jess confirms, running a hand across his scruff. "I just didn't think it would be a large enough part that you had to ask."

Rory lifts one shoulder and gives Jess a half smile. He returns it, his usual crooked grin coming into place. "It is. You are," she admits. "You... you changed a lot for me, Jess, and I would really like to include you in the book."

Jess drums his fingers on the arm of the chair, one ankle crossed over his leg. Rory fidgets. She told him most of the truth. The whole truth is that Jess didn't just change a lot for Rory as a teenager. He changed everything for her. The way she looked at the world, books, music. Sure, there were... bad times. He made her question love and her trust wavered, but now that they've grown up, there's no doubt in Rory's mind that at the time, Jess did what he did out of love, or what he believed to be love. In his own, mixed up way, but love, nonetheless.

"How could I say no to that?"

Rory smiles as she stops herself from launching at him for a hug. She was worried for a second that Jess would say no. He's not exactly a people person. He's kind of private. From her perspective, he would have every reason to tell her no.

"Do you want to see what I have written? It's a little rough around the edges, but -"

"I'll read it when it's ready," he interrupts with a wave of a hand. "Coming from you, I know it's going to be good."

"Well, you don't know -"

"I know."

Rory pauses and holds Jess' stare. He smirks faintly and reaches for his jacket. She takes the hint and walks him to the front door.

"I'm in the middle of writing my own book, too," he suddenly says.

"What?"

"Yeah. I still have some work to do on it, but it's coming along."

Rory beams. She loves Jess' first book, The Subsect. It's unconditionally and unapologetically him, and she's certain she's going to love his second book just as much. She'd read his grocery lists, or anything he writes, really. He's got a knack for this writing thing.

"What, no details?"

"Nope," he replies, reaching for the door handle.

"Not even a summary? The main character's name? The title?"

"No, no, and no."

Rory huffs, crossing her arms while she leans against the doorway. Jess skips down the steps and continues walking down the Gilmore's driveway.

"Mean!" Rory shouts after him. He turns his head slightly and while Rory can't see his face, she's sure she got a smile out of him at the very least.

* * *

When Jess walks back into the diner, he's still grinning. Luke notices and looks at him questioningly. Jess puts his jacket in the back, tucking his overgrown hair behind his ears. He shrugs, grabbing a notepad and pen.

"Everything all right with Rory?"

"Yeah, it was just a thing between us. A work thing."

Luke nods, tossing Jess a rag to clean the tables with. Jess catches it with ease.

"Work thing, huh? So... you're over that, right?"

"Yup. Long over."

Luke doesn't ask anymore questions and Jess breathes a sigh in relief. He's honestly not sure he's over Rory or if he'll ever be over her, for that matter. Whether she knows it or not, she has a part of him that he doesn't want back, and even when he tells Luke that he's long over Rory, Jess knows it's not the complete truth.

* * *

After Jess left, Rory spent the next few hours reading, writing, and editing the first couple chapters of her book. The scraps of paper are filled with pen marks and highlighter scuffs. Clearly, she has a lot of editing to do, which happens to be her least favorite part. In this case, though, the part that really gets to her this time around is the reading. While reading, Rory is reminded of the depth of her relationship with her mother, and it only makes the pit of her stomach fill with guilt. It seems like all she is nowadays, is guilty - and pregnant, can't forget pregnant.

Rory has to tell her mom. Today. Now. Their relationship is too close and too strong for her to continue lying like this.

When Lorelai gets home an hour later, ready to collapse back in her bed, Rory hurriedly stops her and throws on a light jacket to shield herself from the chill of the fall weather.

"Where are we going?" Lorelai asks.

"On a walk."

"A walk? You're going to make me exercise after a day at work? After my love life went up in flames? You _are_ a cruel woman."

"Some fresh air will do you good," Rory says, pulling Lorelai along.

She doesn't stop until they reach the gazebo. It seems like a good place to stop, where nobody is likely to hear their conversation. Rory probably could have done this at home, now that she's thinking about it, but she's been cooped up in the house all day. She sits on the steps and her mother follows, confused.

"Hey, what's going on in there?" Lorelai questions, gently tapping against the side of Rory's head.

Rory rolls her eyes and grasps her mother's hand in hers again. "Mom..."

"Rory?"

"I've been... I'm - I'm pregnant."

Lorelai inhales sharply and Rory tightens her hold, afraid of her mom pulling away. Lorelai is shocked to the point of silence. She doesn't say anything, can't say anything. The one thing she never wanted for Rory, single and pregnant, is coming to life. She's older than Lorelai was when she first got pregnant, that much is true, but it's a fate she wanted Rory to avoid until she met someone that fit.

"Mom, please say something."

Lorelai looks back to Rory. She looks like she's on the verge of crying and Lorelai's maternal instincts kick in, wrapping an arm around Rory's shoulders. She kisses her daughter's forehead and holds her for several moments.

"It's okay," Lorelai whispers. She's upset and confused and a little angry, but that last one is mostly with herself. They'll talk more later, but Rory clearly needs the security right now. After all, this is what being a mother is about. Rory will find that out soon enough. "It'll be okay."

**"...because no matter what happens, life just keeps going and moving  
** **forward, and words keep flowing and truths keep spewing whether  
** **you like it or not. Life never lets you pause and just catch your breath."**


	5. what about today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory starts her search for a job. Jess invites Rory to a writer's seminar in Philadelphia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of short and filler-like, so I apologize for that. We'll get to the good stuff soon.

When Rory wakes up on Tuesday morning, about a week after she told her mother the news, her first thought is: Jess is gone. Lightly pinching the skin of her forehead between her thumb and forefinger, Rory is near motionless as she stares out her bedroom window. The curtain shields the sunlight for the most part, but some manages to sneak in, making for a soft, bright dance on her floors. Rory forces herself to sit up, only taking another five minutes to think about Jess leaving town to go back to Philly before swinging her legs over the side of the bed.

Isn't it strange how motivated you can be to start your day when you know you're eventually going to see a certain someone at some point? For Rory, now is the worst time to be lacking in the motivation department since she starts her job search today. Ignoring the pronounced Jess-sized hole in her life at the moment, Rory stands to her full height and begins her daily morning routine.

The morning sickness isn't so bad this morning - Rory only gets sick twice after changing into a pencil skirt and button up - though she's still only able to stomach a piece of toast and some orange juice. It barely qualifies as breakfast, but Rory promises herself she'll eat more later.

"Energy bar for the road." Lorelai takes Rory's hand and places a bar in it, squeezing once. Rory manages a weak, unconvincing smile and thanks her. "Can't have my grand-baby coming out all skin and bones, and no muscle."

"Mom," Rory groans a warning, reaching for her purse.

"What? You turned out just fine, didn't you?"

"You feed me a current diet of takeout, pop tarts, and whatever Luke's has to offer. I don't want to know what you ate while pregnant with me."

Lorelai teasingly coos and pinches Rory's cheeks, lightly patting them as she walks by. Rory grumbles and tries to soothe her skin back to its usual pale color. She doesn't need any extra pink when she knows how much she's going to blush under the pressure of looking for a job. Add in the fall wind to the equation, and you've got a recipe for tomato-red cheeks.

"Yet you're still here and standing," Lorelai calls from the living room. "Need I say more?"

Rory rolls her eyes and presses a chaste kiss to Lorelai's cheek on her way through. Lorelai starts spewing a bunch of encouraging terms with no logical correlation to the other as a makeshift pep talk. Rory shakes her head, waving goodbye before closing the door. Rolling her shoulders back, Rory stands tall and walks to her car. Today, her life begins.

"Okay, Rory," she breathes. "You can do this."

Taking a second to gather her bearings, Rory tightens her knuckles around the steering wheel, beginning to panic. What if she fails? What if she never amounts to anything and she's stuck at the Gazette forever? Ridding herself of all negative thoughts, Rory starts the engine. "Car Song" by Elastica comes in over the speakers and she smiles to herself, recalling memories of Jess.

Rory silently wishes Jess were here. He'd know what to say to simultaneously encourage her while easing the tension out of her body. Lorelai's belief in Rory is different. She's her mother. She's kind of obligated to believe that Rory can do whatever she puts her mind to. But with anyone else, specifically Jess... He doesn't have to believe in what she can do, but he does without question.

Knowing that she has people - some of the most important people in her life, the baby included - counting on her is enough incentive for Rory to put the car in reverse and back out of the driveway.

**********************************

Rory has reached a new level of low in her adult life. She's sitting on the floor of the Gazette with what she wishes were wine. Instead, it's a bottle of non-alcoholic sparkling cider and a large box of chocolates. Needless to say, her hunt for a job failed. She was either turned down on the spot or they'd say that they'll call and everyone knows that means they won't. Rory wasn't ready to face her mother at home just yet, so here she is. A new low.

A pinging noise sounds from the inside of her purse. Rory crawls over to her bag, the hardwood floor unforgiving on her stocking-covered knees, and pulls out her phone. It's a text from Jess. He's checking in on how her book writing is going. Rory's lips pull at the corners as she tells him it's coming along, and then asks him the same question. A heartbeat later, Rory's phone rings.

"You're not getting any details out of me, Gilmore," Jess' voice comes in like velvet over the phone's speaker.

Rory laughs and scoots back over to her previous spot against the wall, settling in once more. She stretches her legs out and crosses her ankles, making an attempt to smooth out the wrinkles in her dress shirt.

"Come on, it's been years since we've had the chance to read anything by the great Jess Mariano. Excuse me for being a little curious."

"I wouldn't go as far as calling me great."

"You have to admit it." Rory sits up straighter. "Your first book was so... unlike anything else that was out at the time. That's what made it appealing. Oh, and I guess you kind of have this writing thing down."

"Kind of, huh?"

Rory can hear a mixture of a scoff and the sound of Jess' laughter. Aside from the teasing bit, she knew he wouldn't believe her. He never does. For the second time that day, Rory recalls the memory of Jess driving, with her in the passenger seat, when she was supposed to be tutoring him. She remembers telling him he could do anything, be anything he wanted, and he brushed the comment off with simple nonchalance. She almost wishes she could tell younger Jess what he would do, what he would become.

"I can only hope my first book turns out as good as The Subsect," Rory admits when Jess remains quiet on the other end.

"You're really worried about this, then?"

"Extremely."

Jess goes quiet again and Rory kicks her heels off. She pops the last chocolate into her mouth, relishing in the caramel flavor.

"For the record, I don't think you have anything to worry about," Jess murmurs. "But if you're so concerned, there's a writer's seminar in Philly. It's mostly for first time writers, but any and all writers are welcome."

"Sounds intriguing. When is it?"

"In about three weeks. I was thinking of going myself. You interested?"

"I just might be," Rory replies with a smile in her voice. "Send me the details?"

"Don't think this means you're getting anything out of me."

Rory laughs, spinning the cap back onto the bottle of sparkling cider.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"You were always a smart girl," Jess teases. "Talk later?"

"Looking forward to it." She nods even though he can't see her. "Bye, Jess."

"Bye, Rory."

When Rory hangs up, she goes back to her messages and sees a few from Logan, and one from Jess. She opens Jess' first and saves the information about the writer's seminar. Next, Rory opens Logan's and sees four text messages. The first one says a simple, "Hey," and the following three are asking how she's doing, if there's any news, and then a bunch of question marks when Rory hadn't replied.

Stifling an exasperated sigh, Rory texts Logan back. In the midst of typing out the message, her phone rings again and lo and behold, it's Logan himself. This time, Rory blows out the breath she was holding back and answers on the third ring.

"I was about to text you back."

"How are you?" Logan rushes, sounding almost breathless. "The baby?"

"I'm fine. The baby's fine. We're all fine."

"Next time, please answer your phone."

Rory scoffs away from the speaker and spares an eye roll. When Logan had initially tried to tell her he couldn't be involved, Rory thought that meant zero involvement. Clearly, they have different definitions of the term, "involvement."

"Why are you checking on me, anyway? On the baby?"

"Ace..."

"No, I'm serious, Logan. Last time we spoke, you could barely get the words 'I can't be involved' out and now..." Rory trails off, trying to rein in her annoyance. "Now, you're acting like someone who's mixed into this equation."

"I wasn't lying when I said I couldn't be tied up with all of... this. But this kid is half of me, and I'd like to be updated on the progress, at least."

Rory wants to laugh. The guy has one foot in the door and one foot out.

"You want updates?" Rory bites. "Fine, I'll send you a message after my doctor's visits. Until then, I'll see you at the birth."

"Ace, don't -"

"Screw you, Logan."

Rory presses angrily against her phone screen, wanting to end the call as soon as possible. She wouldn't say no to help with this pregnancy or the baby when he or she finally comes, but she doesn't want pity help, especially not from the one who got her pregnant in the first place. Huffing, she crosses her arms and takes a moment for herself. The silence relaxes her almost instantly. Rory takes one more deep, calming breath and stands.

Maybe the start of her new and improved life will have to wait another day.

**********************************

On her way home, Rory had every intention of just giving up on finding a job for now. But then she remembered that her life isn't solely hers anymore and decided to widen her job search tomorrow. When she gets home, Lorelai comforts her with a hug after Rory tells her the bad news, and then plants Rory on the sofa, once she tells Rory to change into pajamas. Lorelai flicks on the television, a movie marathon on. Rory snuggles into the couch and wraps a blanket around herself while Lorelai comes back into the living room with an armful of snacks.

"Thanks, mom," Rory whispers, tucking the blanket under her chin.

Lorelai smiles and nods, tossing a bag of candy at Rory's lap. It lands almost too perfectly and Rory sneaks a hand out to grab some red vines. For the remainder of the afternoon and evening, Rory and Lorelai watch movies, eat junk food, and talk about the pregnancy. It's nice and relaxing, and exactly what Rory needed after a day filled with rejection. Especially considering it won't be just the two of them in seven short months.


	6. possibly, hopefully

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory's doctor gives her the green light to travel to Philadelphia. It's up to her now, to decide whether she wants to go.

The blinking cursor is just mocking her now.

Rory lets out an exaggerated groan, shoving her hands in her messy hair. She's been sitting in her bed with the door shut and music quietly playing since seven in the morning, trying to get her creative juices flowing. It's noon now, making for five unproductive hours, give or take a few minutes for morning sickness.

Next to her, Rory's phone vibrates with an incoming email. Careful not to unplug the device from its charger, she lays at an awkward angle to read the message. Rory makes a face when she sees it's from Dean. What could he be emailing her about? Sighing, Rory turns on her side and opens her inbox. It ends up being an attachment of the Forester family at the hospital, gathered around the new baby. The caption is titled, "It's a girl!"

Rory smiles to herself and locks her phone. With her computer off to the side, Rory rests her open palm over her stomach. It's flat - no surprise there, since she's just over two months along. She might start showing in a couple weeks, but it still won't be anything that baggy clothes can't conceal.

"Not that I have anything against boys," Rory whispers into the silence of her bedroom, "but I really hope you're born a girl."

Rory pauses, her fingertips lightly pressing into the top of her tummy, clothed by her old Yale t-shirt.

"Really, it doesn't matter. I'll love you no matter what or who you are."

Another pause.

"But if you're taking requests, a girl would be nice. It's kind of all I know," Rory laughs nervously. A beam of sunlight flashes through her curtains and shines over her tattered shirt, over her stomach. Rory's smile deepens the tiniest bit. If she were to ever believe in fate or universal signs, she'd think this is one.

"Rory, Lane and Paris are here!" Lorelai's voice floats through the door.

Rory immediately scrambles to stand, legs getting tangled in the sheets and blankets. She falls sideways, off the mattress and onto the floor. A squeak leaves Rory's mouth, her body curling inward to protect herself. The multitude of pillows she threw on the floor last night break her fall as she lands on her back.

"You see what I mean?" Paris says, startling Rory. How much of that did she see? "She can hardly get out of bed without trouble. How's she supposed to be responsible for another person?"

"I can hear you," Rory mumbles through her mouth full of hair, propping herself up on her elbows. A scowl crosses her features.

"Good. If you had looked to me for my surrogacy expertise, you would have gotten a man with twice the looks that Huntzberger has and none of your clumsiness."

"But the baby would still be half of me," Rory points out as she stands with Lane's help.

"It wouldn't matter. Dynasty Maker's reputation and expertise is impeccable."

Rory laughs softly at Paris. Clearly, she's all talk. Her surrogacy company is good, but not that good. The baby would inherit some things from Rory, regardless. Lane tosses some clothes at Rory in a frenzy and Rory watches as they land helplessly on the floor.

"We're already late," Lane scolds. "You'll have to hurry."

"Sorry. I was trying to get some writing in before the appointment."

"How's that going?"

"It's... hard," Rory confesses on an exhale, bending to pick up the askew clothing. Paris walks around the room and inspects the Yale paraphernalia still hanging on the walls from Rory's high school days. "You'd think it would be easy. I mean, I am writing about my life, after all."

Paris audibly scoffs from the corner of the room. Lane helps pulls on Rory's shoes and she lets her. Tapping her phone, the clock reads 12:35 PM. Shoot, Rory thinks, they are late. Her appointment is scheduled for 12:45. There's no way they're going to make it in time, not even if Lane speeds, which she probably won't with the knowledge of the baby.

When Rory told Lane, they cried happy tears and Lane started to talk about the type of music Rory could play for the baby. When Rory told Paris, she formally congratulated her and then continued to teach Rory about the female anatomy.

"Yes, your life is very interesting," Paris deadpans. "Can we go now? I want to speak with the staff beforehand, see what we're dealing with."

"Paris, you can't interrogate them," Rory reminds her.

"I won't. I'm just going to shake them down a little."

"For what, their lunch money?"

When Paris doesn't answer, Rory hurries after her and the two start to banter and bicker. Lorelai calls out a goodbye, waving with her back toward them while she watches television. Lane says goodbye for all three of them, promptly closing the door behind her.

**********************************

The doctor visit goes well. True to her word, Rory sends a quick update to Logan to keep him in the loop. There was a small spike in Rory's blood pressure, but that could have been due to Paris' incessant questioning, and her need to touch all the equipment in the room. Rory also got the 'okay' to go to Philly, if she wants, as long as she continues to take it easy. She's been thinking about it a lot lately, and she's leaning towards going. She's been in a rut for a little over a week. It could be good for her. The seminar is in two days, though, so she has to decide soon.

She doesn't have the obligation of a job - still no luck - holding her back, her doctor said it was fine, and her writing is at a standstill. All signs seem to point to Philly. It also doesn't hurt to know that Jess will be there, but then again, maybe it does.

"If an ex-boyfriend invited you to an event," Rory treads lightly, "but only as colleagues, friends even, would you see anything wrong with attending said event?"

Lane lifts an eyebrow and sneaks a glance at Rory. Paris leans forward, ready to give her two cents, but the small sneer Rory gives her is enough incentive for Paris is back away.

"Would this ex-boyfriend live in Philadelphia and have a book titled, The Subsect?" Lane asks, piecing together the times she's seen Jess in Stars Hollow recently, and none of Rory's other exes.

"Maybe..."

Lane is quiet for a moment and then she suddenly shouts, "I knew it!"

"Knew what?"

"You're getting back together with Jess, aren't you? Or, you're at least thinking about it."

Rory's eyes widen and she blows out a breath in an attempt to scoff. Lane bounces in her seat. Rory and Jess always seemed to have this sweet, old agoraphobic couple appearance - from what Lane saw, anyway.

"No, I am not getting back together with Jess."

"Famous last words."

Rory grumbles and unbuckles her seatbelt as Lane pulls into the Gilmore's driveway. Paris snickers from her place in the backseat. Rory is surprised she's managed to keep her thoughts to herself for this long, though she's bound to break at some point, and soon. Rory should leave now while she has the chance.

"I mean, it's nice hanging out with him again, and the years were kind to him, but we're just friends."

"It shouldn't be a problem then, going to this so called event. Though, for the record, if you two were to get back toget-"

"Bye," Rory swiftly cuts Lane off, opening the passenger door. "Thanks for taking me."

"He reads Kerouac, for God's sake. Kerouac!" Paris breaks her silence on Jess, resulting in an amused head shake on Rory's part.

Lane waits until Rory's inside before driving off. Inside, Rory finds Lorelai in the same place she left her two hours ago, but this time the television is off and Lorelai's reading the rough draft that Rory tried to get Jess to read.

"Don't read that." Rory snatches the papers from her mother, holding them close to her chest. "It's a rough draft."

"I thought it was pretty good for a first draft. You're doing a great job capturing my character."

Rory narrows her eyes. "That's all you care about, isn't it?"

"No..."

Rory lets a laugh slip out and she takes a seat next to her mother, lazily tossing the draft onto the coffee table.

"How's your writing coming along?" Lorelai questions after Rory continues to stare blankly ahead.

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Honey, I hate to break it to you, but I am the last person you should come to for writing advice." Lorelai sits up straighter, turning to face Rory. "I can't write. I just stare at the blank page, and I keep staring and staring. Until, eventually -"

"-You have to get up and lubricate your eyeballs, I know. You told me this when I first asked for your help."

"Oh. Well, it's such a good story, it deserved an encore."

Rory nods, biting back a smile. Lorelai grins and gently squeezes Rory's hand that's dangling over the top of the sofa.

"There's a writing seminar in Philadelphia this weekend and I think I want to go."

"I see," Lorelai hums. "And this wouldn't have to do with a certain someone who's also in Philly, would it?"

God, what is with everyone today and thinking that Rory and Jess are suddenly more than friends? Did Rory miss a memo or something?

"Who, Jess?" Rory humors her mom.

"No, no, not Jess. This guy wears hoodies, the occasional leather jacket, has kinda longish hair -"

"So, Jess."

"Boy, you are good at this game," Lorelai plays along. A beat passes and then, "Well?"

"No, I'm not going for Jess. He did invite me, though, so I'll end up meeting up with him at some point."

"Is that what they're calling it these days?"

"Oh my God," Rory groans, burying her head into the couch cushion.

"Okay, okay. You're free to go, as long as you tell me when you get there."

"Thank you."

Eventually, Lorelai turns the tv back on. In the light, Rory notices deep, dark circles underneath her mother's eyes and she looks a little paler than usual. It's been about five weeks since Luke and Lorelai called off their engagement, and it seems like Lorelai is still having a rough time. As she should, no one expects her to be Miss Sunshine when barely a month has passed. The sight still concerns Rory.

"Mom," she says over the noise of the television. "Are you feeling okay?"

Lorelai gives Rory a funny look, but then she sees the way her daughter's looking at her and understands. Lorelai sighs and mutes the tv, looking down at her hands in her lap.

"I'm not... I'm not okay with - with any of it. But you know, I will be," Lorelai answers. "I guess we just... we got so lost in our separate lives and we forgot to grow with each other."

It's an oddly deep admission for Lorelai. She must really be hurting. Rory's own heart pains at the thought.

"He waited forever for you, you know. He's not just going to give that up. You shouldn't either."

"I know." Lorelai nods. "You, too."

"Me?" Lorelai wiggles her eyebrows and Rory rolls her eyes. She's using humor as a defense mechanism, but Rory will let it slide for now. "Jess and I are just friends, mom."

When Lorelai starts making kissy noises, Rory gets up and goes to the kitchen for a snack. While she's there and away from the wandering eyes of her mother, Rory sends Jess a text.

"Still think Philly is big enough for the two of us?" it reads.

Rory finds some chips to munch on and takes a seat at the table. A message comes in.

Jess writes, "I think we can make some room," and then another, "You're welcome to stay with me if you need a place. It's kind of last minute."

Rory sits back in the chair and contemplates staying with Jess for the weekend. It would save her money and she'd be safe with a friend. Then again, she still has some major morning sickness going on - sometimes, it's not even in the morning - which would be difficult to explain to Jess without pretending to be sick. But being sick or pretending would destroy her chances of attending the seminar.

Rory smoothes out the crease forming between her eyebrows and brings up the keyboard on the phone screen.

"I'll find a place. Don't worry about me."

The truth is, Rory booked a hotel room a week ago, when her lack of inspiration started to sink in. It was a classic, hasty Gilmore decision, but it paid off. 

"Right..." Jess' next message says, like he's even more worried for Rory now. "See you soon?"

Rory mentally calculates the time and distance. It's Wednesday, which means she'll have to leave tomorrow, if the seminar starts on Friday. And with the three hour drive to Philly, Rory wants to make sure she leaves herself enough time to get ready and do what she needs to.

"As soon as tomorrow. I'll call you when I get there."

"Can't wait."

Surprisingly enough, neither can Rory. It might be more so at the prospect of seeing Jess than attending the actual seminar - though, she's excited for that, too - but Rory's eager for tomorrow nonetheless.


	7. i've been cold since you left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory attends the writer's seminar with Jess, stirring up old memories and feelings in the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline update because I feel like it's been forever since I've updated - sorry about that. It's the beginning of November and Rory is 10/11 weeks along.

Rory can't remember the last time her hand hurt this much. As she and Jess merge with others in the crowd to exit the auditorium for lunch, Rory flexes her fingers and occasionally shakes it. The speakers at the writer's seminar thus far have been brilliant. So much so that Rory took notes of everything they had to say, which explains why her hand is cramping so badly. It's like highlighting the entire textbook in fear of all the information being on the test.

"Come on," Jess insists with a chuckle, gently tugging on Rory's elbow. Rory digs her shoes in the carpet and tries to bat Jess away. They have limited time to grab lunch, and with the amount of people here, there will be a lot of pushing and shoving.

"Jess, we have to get lunch."

"We can get lunch on the run. You can't go back in there with a sore hand because I'm not taking notes for the both of us."

Rory chokes out a laugh and lets his him pull her toward the side, letting the rest of the attendees pass. They stop near a booth, where Jess lightly bends Rory's hand back in a stretch. At first, it stings and burns, but the more he does it, Rory's hand begins to feel relief. She lets out a sigh of approval and rolls her wrist when Jess lets go.

"Better?"

"Much. Thanks."

Rory and Jess silently start to walk back toward the sea of people, gauging which booth to go to for lunch. Jess inwardly scoffs when he sees the poor choices and one look at Rory tells him she's thinking the same thing.

"Ever had a real Philly cheesesteak?" Jess asks, placing his hands in his pockets, thumbs sticking out.

"As opposed to a... fake Philly cheesesteak?"

"You are so an out-of-towner."

Rory feigns offense and pushes at him with both hands, barely budging his stance. Jess tries and fails to hide his amusement at her pathetic attempt, and guides them out the building while checking his watch. They have approximately forty minutes until the next speaker is up.

Rory pauses a moment as Jess holds the door open for her. She's instantly reminded of when she ditched school to visit Jess in New York, and he showed her the ropes then like he kind of is now.

Jess calls for a taxi and the two scramble inside, away from the chilly November weather. In the car, Rory takes the time to look over her notes. She's already learned so much and it's only Friday, the first day of the seminar. She wouldn't be surprised if she knocked out a couple chapters while she's here.

"Thanks," Jess says, handing over a few bills to the driver as he comes to a stop in front of a quaint little restaurant named Charlie's Cheesesteaks & Cheesecakes.

Rory is immediately in awe of the place. It's got bright colors with a few neon signs in corners and the design is classic, and the smell inside? To die for. Between the smell of the food and the light hint of clean, polished wood, Rory never wants to leave. Jess notices her wonderstruck expression and pulls on the sleeve of her jacket, getting her feet to move forward.

"Jess, this place is amazing."

He watches Rory admire the red and black booths and wooden tables before gesturing for the guy behind the counter, Charlie, who always makes a point to try and make small talk with Jess. In Charlie's defense, he's one of the few people in Philadelphia that Jess likes or tolerates, next to Chris and Matthew.

"How are we this afternoon, Jess?" Charlie questions, resting an elbow on the edge of the counter.

Charlie is an elderly man, in his late sixties. He's on the short side and a little round around the middle, with a balding head of blonde hair. His green eyes are kind, though. Rory comes up to Jess' side and smiles in greeting.

"In a bit of a rush today," Jess half-answers.

Charlie glances knowingly in Rory's direction and winks slyly at Jess, who rolls his eyes in return. Charlie huffs out a broken laugh and walks away to get started on the cheesesteaks.

"You know him," Rory comments, playfully bumping into Jess' arm.

"His wife died a while back and his kids don't live in the area." Jess shrugs, avoiding Rory's gaze. "Charlie kind of took me under his wing when I got to the city. He talks and I listen."

Rory smiles to herself, but Jess catches it.

"It's not a big deal," he says, already knowing where she's going with this.

"It is," Rory replies quickly. "You make that man's day each time you stop in. It's a big deal."

"Well... I do what I can," he teases.

Charlie comes back ten minutes later with two medium-sized sandwiches, wrapped nicely in foil. Jess is faster than Rory, taking out his wallet and running his card through the machine. Rory accepts her sandwich while Jess waves, holding the door open for Rory again, his back against the glass.

Rory rushes to follow while opening the foil, but Charlie calls her back, pulling her in with the crook of his finger. She cautiously looks to where Jess is waiting before giving her attention to Charlie. What could this man possibly have to say to her? They haven't even exchanged names.

"You take good care of him, all right?" Charlie whispers, nodding discreetly toward Jess. "I won't be around forever and he won't be in Philly for the rest of his life. You take care of him."

Rory softens when she realizes that Charlie thinks she and Jess are together. Like, together-together. She can't bring herself to correct the man, so she simply nods once with a growing smile on her lips.

"I promise," Rory says earnestly. "Thanks for the cheesesteak."

"Made it special."

Rory laughs lightly when he winks again, bidding him goodbye. Jess quirks an eyebrow in question and she shakes her head as they fall into step, both wordlessly deciding to brave the cold weather for a little more time alone, even if they might be late getting back.

"What'd he say to you?"

"Oh, nothing. He just wanted to tell me all of your deep, dark secrets."

Jess snickers, taking a bite of his sandwich and swallowing. "Yeah, right. He talks enough for the two of us."

Rory hesitates and continues eating. The cheesesteak is surprisingly different than the ones she's had in the past. Jess was right when he called it a "real" Philly cheesesteak. The pair walk in comfortable silence, Jess finishing his cheesesteak first.

"He... He, um, he told me to take care of you," Rory admits in a small voice.

"Huh," Jess replies, not surprised at all. Typical Charlie, always trying to watch out for Jess. "And are you?"

"Am I what?"

Jess smirks. "Going to take care of me. You have to promise to be gentle with me."

Rory scoffs in disbelief and bumps his shoulder. He chuckles, taking the light shove. They've almost reached the seminar when Rory finishes hers, placing the foil in Jess' awaiting hand. He throws it into the nearest garbage bin and they hurry inside, with about two minutes to spare until the next speaker.

"And you were worried about not being back in time," Jess drags out, staring pointedly at Rory.

"You're right," she sighs dramatically. "I should have never doubted you."

Jess throws a playful grin at her as they gather their notes and pens, ready for whoever's up next to present. Rory sneaks a glance at Jess, who's busy flipping pages in his small notebook. She's reminded of yet another memory, this one sadder than the last, when Jess told her she could count on him; when he asked her to run away with him and she said no. She still thinks about how differently their lives would have been had she said yes.

Rory drops her gaze and fiddles with her pen, clicking it incessantly as the memory and the what ifs starts to get to her.

"You good?"

Rory stops clicking. "Yeah, yes. Everything's fine."

Jess squints a little like he doesn't believe her, but nods after a beat. Rory releases a breath. She has to get it together. They're just memories and this is just Jess. Except... there's no 'just' about any of it.

**********************************

On Saturday evening, Rory is sitting in one of Jess' chairs with her legs hanging off the side while Jess is laying down on the couch, facing her direction. Jess has it abnormally cold in his place, so they're both bundled up with blankets. Rory has hers wrapped around her like a burrito and Jess' is bunched at his hips.

Jess has his pen tucked between his lips and a crease forming deep in his forehead, notebook folded at the spine in his hands. Rory lowers her laptop screen and stretches. She's finished rough drafts of two chapters so far, and is starting on another chapter. Jess feels her eyes on him and looks up. She smiles impishly, cursing herself for getting caught staring.

"Break?" he asks, standing up.

"Yes, please."

Jess runs a hand through his longish hair and heads into the kitchen. He grabs two plates of leftovers from the fridge and puts one in the microwave. Rory comes over and leans against the island, reaching for the bowl of grapes. She pops one in her mouth.

"I've been looking for a job," Rory confesses, breaking the silence. "Looking being the operative word. I haven't found anything yet."

"Yeah? What for?"

The microwave beeps and Jess swaps the plates, sliding the warm food over to Rory. He rummages through one drawer for a fork and Rory thanks him, taking a seat on the chair tucked underneath the counter.

"Anything, I guess. I'd love to work for a publishing house like Truncheon. Think they might be hiring?" Rory jokes. Though if there were to be an opening, she knows she'd take it in a heartbeat. 

"Not sure," Jess plays along, then turns serious. "I could try to put in a good word for you."

Rory picks up on the seriousness in his tone. "Thanks, that would be great."

Jess dips his chin in a nod and takes his dinner out of the microwave. He grabs another fork and digs in.

"So," Rory speaks up, reaching for a napkin. "What are your plans?"

"Stay here in Philly, finish this book."

"Ah, the mysterious second book." Jess shakes his head, but Rory can see a small grin forming. "Still no spoilers for me?"

"Not a chance."

Rory scrunches her nose in dissatisfaction and Jess chuckles, taking the empty plate from her and placing it next to the sink. Rory tsks and gets up, heading toward the sink. Jess pauses for a second, not used to having someone else in his space.

"I'll wash. You could dry, if you want?"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, okay."

Rory starts the water, washing and rinsing the first plate. She shakes it before handing it off to Jess. He takes it, drying the plate with a towel. Rory finishes washing the plates and shuts off the water, turning to lean her weight against the sink. Jess sets the last plate down, looking back up at Rory. It's quiet, the only sound coming from their breathing. Jess clears his throat and consciously takes a small step away.

"Guess we should get back to work," Jess mutters, unwavering in his stare.

Rory's chest heaves with a deep breath. "Guess so."

**********************************

Rory tosses her last bag in the backseat and closes the door. Jess stands a few feet away, hands clasped behind his back. The hotel's parking garage is empty, apart from them and a few other cars. Rory stares down at her shoes, feet turned inward. Her hair falls in her face and she brushes it away, glancing at Jess.

"Get home safe."

"I will. Thanks for.." Rory trails off, trying to put her appreciation into words, "...everything this weekend."

Jess lifts his shoulder in a shrug, and starts to turn to walk away. Rory smiles softly and opens her door. She's got one leg in when she stops, popping her head over the car door to rest her chin on the backs of her hands. Her keys jingle with the action.

"Jess?" He spins back around. "Just... visit more often, okay?"

He shoots her his trademark crooked grin, tilting his head slightly.

"Careful. I might start to think you miss me."

"Well, would that be so bad if I did?"

Jess' smile falters just the tiniest bit and Rory holds her arms out wide as if to say, 'What can you do?' The heart is tricky. You don't get to choose who you miss, you just do.

"I suppose not."

Rory nods in goodbye, waving a little. She pulls both legs in and starts the engine. When she tries to pull the door closed, something pulls back. Rory's gaze shoots upward to see Jess standing over her, hand on the corner of the door.

"I'll visit more often," he promises in a gentle tone.

Rory laughs lightly and her smile shamelessly widens. "Bye, Jess."

With the echo of the door slamming shut, Rory puts her car in reverse and starts to back out of the space. Jess has already started his walk back to his own car, and Rory can't help but look his way once more. She's finding it to be harder than she originally thought to leave Philadelphia; to leave Jess.


	8. the only thing we share is this small town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory's job search successfully comes to a close.

Rory stands in front of her full length mirror, shirt rolled up with her stomach on display. She noticed it this morning - the bump. It's small and she can only see it if she stands at the right angle, but it's there. Rory is happy about it, thrilled even, though she also can't help but be a little upset by the sight of her growing bump.

Rory's a terrible liar, and so when employers ask her if there's anything else she would like to mention or talk about at the end of an interview, she blurts out that she's pregnant. Each time, without fail. The downside is that nobody wants to take on a pregnant woman as a new employee, only for them to go on paid maternity leave months later. Needless to say, her compulsion to tell the truth and her current condition make it difficult in finding a job.

The good news is, Rory has had plenty of time to focus on her book since she got back from Philadelphia earlier this month. Jess has kept in touch, too, and he's been visiting more often, like he promised.

Rory sighs and rolls her shirt back down, the large size of it doing wonders to conceal the slight curve of her stomach. She sits down on the edge of her bed and reaches for her laptop. A few emails came in while Rory was studying her bump and with her having zero obligations, she takes her time in opening each one.

Two spam emails, one from Logan, and one from... Truncheon? Rory holds the laptop up, bringing the screen closer so she can see if she's reading this correctly. Truncheon emailed her? Rory's heart begins to race. Maybe her job hunt woes are solved after all.

Grudgingly, Rory opens the email from Logan first. She's been ignoring his texts and calls for the last week, mostly because they're about nothing in particular. The message simply says, "How are you two doing? Please call me back with an update. I'm sorry."

An eye roll threatens to escape, but Rory manages to control herself. Where does he get off? First, he tells her that he can't be involved and now, he's trying to have the best of both worlds in secret. The guy's got one foot in the door and one foot out. Then again, it's Logan. She shouldn't be so surprised that he's finding it challenging to completely make up his mind.

The next email is from Truncheon. Rory holds her breath as she opens it.

"Dear Ms. Gilmore, we hope this finds you well. Our carrier pigeon is a bit banged up at the moment, so this will have to do. Our apologies." Rory snickers, continuing to read. "We were informed by a good friend and employee of ours that you are in need of work. We have read your work from your Yale days, some pieces from something called the Stars Hollow Gazette and the most stately of all - your byline from The New Yorker. Here at Truncheon, we find your work fairly impressive and would like to extend an offer in joining our team. We are expanding our company and opening a branch in Bristol, just outside of Hartford, Connecticut - where you'd be located, should you choose to accept our offer. Please contact us and send copies of any more works you'd think we'd be interested in reading, if you're interested. Sincerly, Christopher Simms and Matthew Dabney."

Beneath the contents of the message are Christopher and Matthew's contact information. Rory's jaw drops. She finally got a job offer. _She finally got a job offer._ It's not the journalist work she's used to, it would be mostly her own work, but an offer is an offer. Unable to contain her excitement, Rory slides her laptop off her lap and jumps up, doing a happy dance and squealing happily.

"Is everything okay in here?" Lorelai enters Rory's bedroom, wiping her hands with a hand towel. "It sounds like something's dying. Oh God, is it the baby? Is the baby okay?"

"No," Rory laughs lightly. "The baby is fine. We're both fine, more than fine, actually."

Rory stops dancing and skips over to her mother, grabbing her by the arms. She beams brightly and points at her computer. Lorelai looks at Rory funny, but takes the hint and goes over to the screen to see what's got her daughter in a funk. Rory can't stop smiling as Lorelai reads the email.

"Kid, this is great!" Lorelai stands and rushes to hug her daughter. Rory lets out another noise of excitement and bounds back to her computer. "You're going to take it, right?"

"Of course I'm going to take it."

Bristol is about twenty miles further than Hartford, but it's close enough to home. Plus, it's the first offer Rory has gotten the whole time she's been looking for a job. She has to take it.

Rory quickly replies, writing her intent to accept and attaching the best drafts of her book thus far. Lorelai leans down and kisses Rory's hairline before soundly leaving the room. Rory sighs happily and falls back against the mattress, arms outstretched like she's about to make a snow angel. Gathering herself, Rory grabs her phone next to her and immediately dials Jess' number. He picks up on the first ring.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Rory interrupts his greeting. Jess chuckles on the other end. "I didn't think you would actually put in a good word for me. I mean, I did, but - Just... Thank you."

"You deserve it," Jess replies, a smile in his voice. "Want to see where you'll be working?"

Rory sits up. "What do you mean?"

"You heard me."

Rory bites her bottom lip to keep another smile at bay. Her face is going to get stuck like this if she keeps getting good news.

"You're here? When did you get in?"

"Meet at Luke's?" Jess evades her questions with one of his own.

"Have a cup of hot chocolate ready for me and you got yourself a deal."

Rory can see Jess' smirk as she hangs up and rushes to get dressed. Once she's finished, she heads out and meets Lorelai in the living room. Lorelai has a knowing look in her eyes, which Rory chooses not to comment on for both their sakes, though her mother doesn't seem to get the memo.

"Going to see Jess?"

Rory pauses in going over her mental checklist. "Jess?"

"I read the email," Lorelai shrugs, taking a sip of her coffee. "Going to thank him real nice, huh?"

"Okay, I'm leaving before this conversation gets any weirder."

"Wrap it up!" Lorelai shouts after Rory. "You're already pregnant, but you should always be careful!"

"Mom," Rory whines on her way out the door.

Grumbling under her breath, Rory descends the porch steps and begins the walk to Luke's, one she knows by heart. This time, she walks a little faster, just knowing what's waiting for her.

**********************************

Jess is waiting outside of Luke's when Rory crosses the street, cup of hot chocolate in hand and ready. He's flipping his car keys with his free hand, ring around his index finger, as she approaches. Rory gratefully accepts the hot chocolate - she already had her minimum of coffee this morning - and takes a long sip. When she pulls the cup away, Rory purses her lips in a teasing manner and eyes Jess.

"Excuse me, sir. Do you live here?"

Jess shoots his trademark crooked grin at her, scuffing at the pavement with his boots. "Been here a few times. Actually, you look kind of familiar."

"Oh, I do?"

"Yeah." Jess puts his hands in his pockets and tilts his head to the side, playing the part. He suddenly snaps his fingers, pointing at Rory in familiarity. "You're Rory Gilmore. You know, that girl who was just employed by Truncheon?"

"And you must be Jess Mariano. Lives in Philly, doesn't call when he comes to town to surprise his friends."

Jess tsks and playfully circles Rory. She smiles and takes another pull from the cup. "Ah, but that would ruin the surprise, wouldn't it?"

"Not everyone likes to live on the edge. Unlike someone I know."

Rory laughs lightly as Jess comes to a stop in front of her, a lopsided smirk lifting at the corner of his mouth. He nods toward his car, the ruse over for now, and Rory follows his lead. He unlocks the doors and Rory hops in, Jess following suit.

"The building is closed off to the public for now and there's not a lot to see," Jess explains, pulling away from the curb, "but I figured you might want to have a look."

"Thanks. I do."

Jess sneaks a glance at Rory, who's practically sitting against the passenger side door to properly look at him. He raises an eyebrow. She looks like she wants to say something and lo and behold, moments later, she finally does.

"So, Truncheon is expanding."

"Very intuitive."

"Did you know about it?"

"I might have."

Rory stares at Jess' side profile, choosing her next words carefully. She's a little taken aback that he knew about the branch in Bristol, but didn't tell her. Though she quickly recovers from that thought. She knows Jess would have wanted her to figure out her job issue on her own, even though a little nudge was all it took on his part.

"Talk," Jess says in a commanding, yet gentle tone. "I can _see_ the gears turning in that head of yours."

Rory inhales deeply before exhaling. He always did know how to read her. "Are you thinking of coming back to Connecticut? I mean, with the expansion..."

"I don't know," Jess replies honestly, looking out his window for a brief second. "I don't really have anything for me here. Liz and TJ are off doing God knows what with their veggie cult and Luke has the diner to worry about. What would I do in Stars Hollow that I can't already do in Philly?"

Rory nods a little. He has a point. The words, 'You would have me,' are on the tip of her tongue while she contemplates saying them aloud. Ultimately, she does.

"That's not completely true," Rory says timidly. "Besides Luke, you would have me."

Jess holds the steering wheel with one hand while his left elbow rests against the window. Rory waits nervously for his response.

"You don't need me, Rory. Your whole life is here. You have your mom, Truncheon. It's different for you than it is for me. I'm just... one part of your life."

Rory's lips part, the car bouncing as Jess drives over a small pothole. He curses lightly as it happens, but he never looks at Rory whereas she can't help but hopelessly stare at him. _She doesn't need him?_ _Just one part of her life?_ How does Rory tell him that he was once the biggest part of her life? That he still is in most ways, especially since they've reconnected over these last couple months?

"It's your choice," Rory finally answers. "I just... I want you to know that if you choose to come back...you won't get any complaints from me."

"Maybe not from you. I think the rest of Stars Hollow would run me out of town with fire and pitchforks."

Rory smiles wide and finally, _finally,_ Jess looks at her with a teasing grin. It's a fleeting moment, but that's all she needs.

**********************************

The expansion is almost complete and even though they weren't allowed past the fencing, Rory was in awe of the place. While they walked around the area of the building, Jess shared some stories from when he first started working with Truncheon. He also spoke fondly of Christopher - or Chris, as he prefers to be called - and Matthew. Turns out that they're not only co-workers, but that they were Jess' first friends when he got to Philly.

The rest of the afternoon goes smoothly, aside from occasionally fighting over the radio, and the two stop at a small diner for lunch.

"I'm not sure that I've ever been in another diner that wasn't Luke's," Rory says as they walk in, bell ringing above the door.

"That's... sad."

Rory feigns offense and throws a light punch at Jess' arm. He laughs and dodges, holding up two fingers toward the waitress approaching them. They settle in a booth and look over the menus that are handed to them. After a few minutes, Jess signals for the waitress again so they can place their orders. Rory may or may not have ordered most of the lunch menu, avoiding the curious stare from Jess.

"What, are you eating for two or something?"

Rory just about chokes on her water, coughing as she puts the glass back down. "Why - why would you ask me that?"

"Well, I've seen you eat, but even I have to admit that your order is a little out there."

"I'm just... really hungry."

Jess nods, and then laughs lightly, leaning over the table to take a closer look at Rory. "Jeez, you look pale. Rory, I was only joking."

Rory swallows hard and manages a reassuring smile, excusing herself to the restroom. Once she's safely behind the bathroom door, Rory rushes to the sink and splashes cold water on her face. Blindly reaching for a paper towel, she dabs at the remaining droplets of water, looking at her reflection in the mirror. Jess is right. She does look pale.

The secrecy of this pregnancy is eating her alive. Rory knows that once she lets the cat out of the bag, all of Stars Hollow will want to throw their two cents in - especially when it comes to guessing who the father is - but she's not sure how much longer she can keep this secret from the people closest to her. Luke, her grandma, Jess...

Rory knows that Luke will inevitably be happy for her as he views Rory like his own kid, her grandma will try to make preparations to a great degree, but Jess? Jess is a question mark. She's sure he'd be happy for her, but how will it change their friendship? Does it have to change anything?

Can Rory really have it all? Hours ago, she was criticizing Logan for attempting to have the best of both worlds, and now look at her. Rory has to find a way to seamlessly bridge her two worlds together, preferably soon.


	9. there's so many things that i could say but i'm sure it would come out all wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Lane and Zack have a family emergency, Rory looks after the twins, but things don't go as planned.

Rory flits her stare between Lorelai and Luke, pausing her fork mid-lift. Her mother has been looking at her ex-fiancé for the last five minutes, at least. It was borderline creepy at first, but now it's just plain sad. Rory gently drops her forkful of scrambled eggs back onto her plate.

"Mom, you have to talk to him sooner or later."

"I pick later."

Rory inclines her head, giving her mom a stare that says she's being childish and she knows it. Lorelai frowns underneath the hard gaze and plays with her food, waffles turning soggy from how much time Lorelai's spent looking at Luke.

"It's bad enough that this is the first meal we've had at Luke's since the split. I'm not sure how we're even still alive."

Lorelai stands her ground, causing Rory to bite her tongue. Rory knows her mom is still coping with the loss of Luke's constant presence in her life - both of their lives - and Rory is trying her best to be supportive, but it's become challenging as of late. Rory pushes back from the table and approaches the counter. Luke is busy with a customer, so he doesn't notice.

"Jess."

He holds up his index finger, signaling for a moment while he finds a good stopping place in the book he's currently reading. Rory grits her teeth and grabs a napkin, crumpling it into a ball and throwing it at Jess. It bounces off his chest and to the floor. Jess looks up, marking his place in the book before pocketing it in his jeans. Rory shoots him a look and he sighs dramatically, running a hand through his hair that needs to be trimmed soon.

"Ma'am," he greets in a teasing tone, clasping his hands in front of him.

"We have to get my mom and Luke talking again."

"I'm sorry - we?"

Rory shrugs a little, weighing her options. She doesn't want to meddle and she doesn't want to bring Jess into this, but Rory can't do this without him. If it were up to her, her mother and Luke would be friendly again and on their own terms, but if she continues to wait them out, Rory fears she'll have already given birth, and sent her own kid off to college by the time they decide to finally speak.

"Please? It'll be good for them," Rory insists with an impish smile. "Who knows? They might thank us for this one day."

Jess huffs out a breath, pushing off the back counter to get closer to where Rory stands. She grins victoriously and leans on the smooth surface of the island, meeting him halfway, their arms brushing against each other. The strands of hair that Jess just pushed back fall into place over his eyes again and Rory pauses, the sudden urge to brush them back behind his ear paralyzing her. She clears her throat, focusing on the task at hand.

"Well, the Winter Carnival is coming up," Rory says slowly. "The four of us can go together, but -"

"But we ditch them and they're stuck together."

"Ah, you seem to have matured over the years, but I knew there was still some mischief in there somewhere."

Jess' lips quirk in amusement and he places his hand over his chest in offense. "I'm hurt."

"What, that I called you mischievous?"

"No, that you think I've matured."

"Jess," Rory laughs, bumping shoulders with him over the counter. He grins slightly and finally pushes the strands of hair away. "So, what do you say?"

He shrugs, which as Luke would say, is 'yes' in slacker. Rory beams and thanks him, squeezing his arm before turning to head back to her table. Rory reaches for her jacket from the back of her chair and bends down to kiss Lorelai on the cheek.

"You leaving already?"

"Yeah. Lane almost had my head the last time we were late for..." Rory looks around, careful to make sure nobody's listening in, "...my doctor's appointment. I'm sure she'll be here any second."

"Well, we're still going to the carnival together later, right?"

Rory smiles, keeping what only she and Jess know to herself. "Us and our closest friends."

"But you're my only friend."

"So, what's Sookie? Chopped liver?"

"Oooh, is Sookie coming?"

Rory sighs, gathering her bearings. This conversation is taking a lot longer than she expected. "No, mom. Sookie isn't coming. There's been a change or two -"

"You know how I feel about change. My star sign forbids it."

"- _but_ I will be back later this afternoon and we can go to the carnival together."

Excessive honking sounds from outside the diner. Rory's head snaps up, spotting Lane's car by the curb. Lorelai goes to antagonize her daughter further, but Rory cuts her off with a stern glare prior to running out of Luke's and towards her friend's car.

**********************************

Rory always gets goosebumps when the gel is applied on her lower stomach. It's a given at this point. Lane watches excitedly from the chair next to Rory's head, holding her hand.

"Will the father be joining us?" the sonographer, Edie, asks.

Rory shakes her head. Each visit, Edie asks the same question and each time, Rory says no. She'll send Logan an update afterwards, but she'd never expect him to show up, especially when she's never asked him to.

Edie holds the transducer over the gel, maneuvering her way around Rory's growing bump. Lane and Rory watch the screen, waiting for a clear picture to appear. After a beat or two, the screen lights up with the image of Rory's baby.

Rory's breath catches and she squeezes Lane's hand. Edie is pointing at the screen, explaining what her baby is doing and which body part is which, but Rory can hardly hear her. It's hard to believe that Rory ever thought of not keeping her baby. She can't imagine what her life would be like now without this pregnancy, this baby.

"Rory?" Lane asks, coming into her friend's line of view.

Rory inhales deeply, quietly thanking Edie when she wipes the gel from Rory's stomach. Edie hands Rory a printout of the sonogram, claiming that the baby is perfectly healthy before leaving the room to give them privacy, telling Rory she'll see her soon.

"I'm - I'm fine. It's just..." Rory says into the quiet room, trailing off as it hits her how very real this all is.

Lane smiles purposefully and adjusts her position in the chair to get a better look at Rory.

"You know, when I first saw the twins during an ultrasound, I cried."

"You did?"

"Yeah. As an expectant mother, it can be... overwhelming to see your baby for the first time," Lane promises. "It's okay to be overwhelmed, Rory, and it's even more okay if you want to show it every once and a while. You're making us other moms seem inferior to your willpower."

Rory chokes out a laugh and throws her arms around Lane in a hug. The position is a little uncomfortable since Rory is still laying on the table and Lane is sitting in a low chair, but they make it work. It brings solace to Rory to know that she has someone on her side, who's not her own mother, that has already been through all of this.

**********************************

On the ride back to Stars Hollow, Rory is in the middle of texting Logan an update when Lane's phone rings, the bluetooth causing the ringer to sound throughout the car. Rory flinches at the loud noise, covering her ears.

"Sorry!" Lane shouts over the loud ringing, hurriedly turning down the volume. "I usually have the boys with me, and when they get going, it can be hard to hear others over the speaker."

Rory uncovers her ears, breathing out a sigh of relief. She finishes texting Logan while Lane presses the button to accept the incoming phone call.

"Hey," she answers.

"Hey. You almost home?" Zack's voice comes in.

"Yeah, almost. Why, what's up?"

"I just got off the phone with my dad. My mom is in the hospital. She fell last night and hurt her back."

"What?" Lane almost shouts. Next to her, Rory's eyes widen in shock.

"I know," Zack mumbles. "I'm going to have to leave soon to help out my dad."

"Wait, I'll come with you. You shouldn't have to be alone during a time like this."

"What about the boys? You know my grandma will probably be there - she never misses a moment to criticize my parents - and you _definitely_ know how she feels about kids."

Lane grumbles under her breath, not loud enough for Zack to hear. She quickly tells him to hold on and mutes him for the time being.

"Rory," Lane starts sweetly, "would you be able to watch Steve and Kwan? It would only be for the night."

"But the festival -"

"I know, I'm sorry. It's just, Zack's grandma is the literal devil and she's always commenting on my parenting skills, and taking it out on the boys."

Rory sighs and mulls it over. What's one night? The boys are about ten now and have never caused Rory trouble before. Though, she admittedly hasn't seen them in a while.

"Okay," Rory surrenders. "I guess I could use the practice."

Lane grins and thanks Rory, who sends a quick message to her mom, letting her know she won't be able to make the festival. Next, Rory sends a text to Jess, postponing their plan.

It's only for the night. What could go wrong?

**********************************

 _Everything._ Everything could go wrong.

Lane and Zack's living room is a wreck. It looks like a tornado came and went. The kitchen isn't much better since Steve and Kwan decided to start a food fight, leaving Rory to hide under the table until it was over.

Now, Rory is laying down on the askew sofa cushions, eyes closed, allowing the boys to run wild. She's officially given up. Apparently, Steve and Kwan have grown into typical, rowdy ten year old boys between the time Rory saw them last and today.

Lane, nor Zack have answered her calls or texts, leaving Rory to her own defenses. Who could she call? Paris would eat the poor boys alive, her mother is either home or at the carnival, and Luke - though she loves him like her own father - would probably be as useless as Rory is proving herself to be in rounding up two troublesome boys.

How is she supposed to raise her own kid if she can't rein in Steve and Kwan?

"Ow," Rory shouts out of surprise, something hard being tossed at her forehead. She opens her eyes to see the twins standing over her. Another lego falls and before she knows it, Rory is being attacked by a slew of toys.

God, what happened to the boys who enjoyed reading quietly?

Rory scrambles to her feet and rushes into the bathroom. She locks it for good measure, fumbling for her phone. Rory scrolls through her contacts for someone - anyone - to call. Her scrolling lands on Jess.

At first, Rory continues to scroll. She's _t_ _his_ close to calling Paris and letting her have at them, but then banging sounds from beyond the bathroom door and Rory immediately presses on Jess' contact information almost instinctively, dialing his number.

"Hello?"

"Help!" Rory shouts over the loud noise. "I'm being attacked!"

"What, by who? Where are you?"

"Steve and Kwan."

It's quiet on Jess' end and then he laughs. He freaking laughs. Rory narrows her stare in displeasure. He's laughing at her?

"Lane's kids?" Jess questions between laughs. "You're kidding."

"I'm not kidding. This is a serious matter, so stop laughing at me."

"I'm just - They're what, thirteen?"

"Ten," Rory grudgingly replies.

His laughter becomes increasingly louder and Rory is about five seconds away from hanging up, but she can't stay holed up in this bathroom until Lane and Zack get home.

"Jess," Rory whines. "Please, they're evil."

"Well, don't let them hear you. They can smell fear."

"You're the least helpful person I've ever met."

"I'll be there in a bit," he chuckles, the line eventually going dead.

**********************************

Thirty minutes after she gets off the phone with Jess, the loud noises cease. Rory stands from her crouched position on the floor tile and slowly heads toward the bathroom door. A knock sounds and Rory jumps a little, hand on the door knob.

"It's safe," Jess says through the wood of the door.

Rory yanks the door open and is met with Jess' amused smirk. She glares, staring at him from beneath her lashes. He breaks out in a grin while Rory pushes past him, not even bothering to thank him.

"Where are they?"

"Cleaning up the mess they made in the kitchen."

Rory nods, falling onto the recliner. Jess wordlessly picks up the cushions and places them back in their rightful place on the sofa, taking a seat when he's done. Rory's palms unconsciously fall against her stomach.

"I don't think I can do this," Rory whispers.

"Well, it's only for the night, right? I mean, Lane will be back tomorrow and you'll be off the hook."

"Yeah, she and Zack come back tomorrow," Rory answers, feeling drained all of the sudden. "But that's not what I meant."

Jess tilts his head a little, clearly not picking up what Rory is putting down. She laughs lightly to herself, running her hands up and down the raised skin of her stomach. Rory doesn't look at him, but she can feel Jess staring at her; waiting.

"You know I'm pregnant?"

"You're..."

"Pregnant," Rory finishes with a matter of fact tone. "And I haven't told anyone this, but I'm really scared. Terrified, actually."

Rory ultimately looks back at Jess, who appears like he's trying to process everything.

"And after tonight, I - I just don't know if I'm cut out for being a mother."

"Yeah, but... no one's ever really cut out for being a mom," Jess replies slowly. "It's something you learn how to be as you go."

Rory nods, unable to hold eye contact with him any longer as she looks down at her clasped hands. She gently pinches the skin while she goes over the mess that was tonight.

"My two cents?" Rory looks up to see Jess' eyes flash with sincerity, something she's only seen maybe a handful of times in her life. "This kid's going to be lucky to have you for a mom. And I know you're... I know that you're scared, but... well, the best moms usually are."

Rory smiles thankfully and Jess, ever modest, nods once to show he's on her side no matter the circumstances. He really does know exactly what to say sometimes. He might not go about things the right way all the time, but he means well and Rory's glad he knows her as well as he does.

Rory understands that Jess has questions and thoughts - a lot of them, if she had to guess - but he knows now's not the time or place. He knows that it's not what she needs right now.

It's strange, almost... How previous words can come back to bite you, to haunt and remind you all at once.

Jess once told Rory that he knows her better than anyone, and in spite of the passing years - some that came and went without much contact or contact at all - Rory is sure that remains to be true. Jess still knows her better than anyone. And now he really knows her better than anyone, secret pregnancy and all.


	10. an epilogue before we're done, a sequel to what we've begun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess and Rory address the pregnancy.

"You know, that's the sixth time he's looked over here in the last twenty minutes," Lorelai points out, smoothing over the head of the snowman.

Rory pauses in gathering snow. When she looks up, sure enough, Jess is staring in their direction. He notices Rory staring back and quickly turns around. She huffs out a breath and stands, packing the snow onto the middle of their snowman.

"He's not looking at me, exactly. He's looking at my stomach."

"But... You're wearing a jacket and snow pants."

"It's not that he thinks he can see anything," Rory explains on a sigh. "It's that he now knows I'm pregnant underneath all these bulky clothes."

"I'm guessing he didn't take the news so well?"

Rory leans around their snowman to stare at the certain _he_ in question. Jess and Luke appear to be bickering over their own snowman before Jess ultimately throws his hands up, giving Luke space to work. Rory lets out a small laugh at the sight.

She didn't intend to tell Jess about the pregnancy when he came to her rescue the other night. It just kind of happened. In that one specific instant, Rory realized she wanted someone in her corner, someone that she knew would be unbiased without ever being rude or mean. She wanted someone she could confide in who would just... listen, if that's what Rory needed, without trying to tell her everything will be okay. And in a lot of ways, Jess was that person. He _is_ that person.

Rory's only wish? To know what Jess is thinking.

"No, he took the news just fine. At least, I - I think he did. He hasn't said much about it since Lane's."

"Uh huh," Lorelai says slowly. "And how are you doing with all of this?"

"What are you, my therapist?"

"Well, as your mother, I'm sort of like a built-in therapist. The only difference is that I don't want to look deep into your mind or soul. I just want all the gossip."

Rory rolls her eyes, but she can't help the small smile tugging at her lips.

"I'm fine," she replies with a lift of her shoulder, and then in an effort to change the subject from her and Jess, "You know the baby is an artichoke?"

"I'm sorry, did you just call your child an artichoke?" Lorelai splutters.

"Oh, um, I have this app on my phone that tells me how big the baby is. According to the app, it's as big as an artichoke."

Her mother hums in acknowledgment. "Artie would be a cute name for a kid. A little geeky, but cute."

"Yeah, maybe. But only if the baby is a boy, and that's a really huge if."

"Honey, have you thought about what you're going to do if she is actually a he?"

"No," Rory answers quickly. "I have this feeling that the baby is definitely a girl. I mean, grandma had you and you're a girl -"

"Thank you for noticing."

"-and you had me. Whatever streak we have going here will continue with Baby Artichoke."

Lorelai looks away, trying hard not to give away her amusement. Rory takes a deep breath, her tiny rant having taken some of the energy out of her. The baby _will_ be a girl. It will be, it has to be. A girl is all she's planned and hoped for. Rory cringes to herself. Then again, luck hasn't ever been known to be on her side very often.

**********************************

_So..._ Rory is pregnant. It's possible Jess is still in shock.

From across the square, Jess looks at Rory and Lorelai, building their own snowman for the contest. Rory is wearing these weird, thick snow-overalls that conceal her middle with ease, but every now and then, Jess' gaze uncontrollably drops to where her bump would be. She's caught him a number of times, but each time, he quickly averts his stare.

Admittedly, at the front of his mind is the million dollar question: who is the father? And the question that takes the cake: is she together with the father? Like, together-together. It's truly none of his business, but his curiosity is killing him inside. Nonetheless, it is a lot to take in, and Jess is trying his best to accept the news in bits and pieces.

Rory wanted him to know for reason, didn't she? There had to have been a reason behind why she told him, or else she would have continued to keep him in the dark.

"The head has to be rounder and less pancake-like," Luke scolds, trying to fix the damage Jess has inflicted on their contest entry.

"A pancake is round in shape."

"They're a flat food and you know it."

Jess scoffs, allowing Luke to do his thing while he stands by. The only reason he's out here in freaking snow pants is so Luke and Lorelai can bond - Rory's idea. Yet, the mother and daughter are all the way on the other side of the square. Not much bonding happening this way.

"Change partners?" Rory asks from behind Jess.

Jess glances over his shoulder. "Didn't take you for a rule breaker."

"Jess."

"No, no. The rules of the snowman building contest clearly state -"

His sentence is abruptly cut off when he's yanked by the arm, off to the side, where Luke can't hear them. Rory grumbles under her breath and Jess smirks a little, amused by her reaction. She stops without warning, whirling on Jess and placing her hands on his shoulders, silently telling him to stay with a stern look in her eye. Jess sarcastically salutes her in understanding.

Jess stands straight, his expression giving nothing away when Rory looks back to check if he's following her directions. He teasingly tilts his head a bit, a sly grin tilting at the corners of his mouth. Jess watches from his place in the middle of the square while Rory talks to Lorelai, eventually dragging her mother toward Luke, before coming back to Jess.

"So, what's the plan, mastermind?"

"Well," Rory starts, reaching for Jess again on her way past as they continue to walk, "I don't really have one. I'm just hoping my mom's need to fix everything kicks in when she sees your snowman."

Jess shoots Rory an offended look. "Excuse me? Our snowman is much better than your snow-Bjork."

"Actually, Bjork was what we were going for. So, thanks."

Jess exhales dramatically, dragging his feet until they reach the inside of Luke's Diner. It's empty inside sans for the two of them. Luke grudgingly agreed to close the diner for an hour or two so Jess could help Rory in her scheming. Rory releases Jess, and sheds her jacket and hat, unclipping her snow pants.

"Hot chocolate?"

"With whipped cream, please."

Jess follows Rory's lead, and removes his jacket and beanie before pouring them both a mug of hot chocolate. When he turns back around to face Rory, she has a mouthful of donut with crumbs falling onto the counter. Her eyes widen and she gives him a guilty smile as best she can with the bite of donut in the way.

"Jeez," he laughs lightly, sliding her the drink.

"Sorry. Eating for two here."

Jess bites his tongue at that remark. He recalls the very same comment he made nearly a month ago, when he never dreamed that he'd actually be right about Rory being pregnant. Jess awkwardly clears his throat and pulls the stool from under the cash register to sit across from Rory. She notices the change in the atmosphere and quietly finishes her donut without another word. When Rory's done, she takes a sip of her hot chocolate and clasps her hands in front of her like it's a business interview.

"Go on," she says. "Ask me."

"Ask you what?"

Rory shrugs, feeling her bravado slip slightly. "Anything, I guess. You kept staring at my stomach earlier like something was going to crawl out of it."

"Well -"

"Don't... Don't reply to that. Just - just ask."

Jess coughs, shifting in his seat. He racks his brain for any other questions he might have had within the last two weeks, but the one thought that manages to stick out is - _ask her about the father._ So, he does. Rory nods to herself, a little dip of her chin that Jess wouldn't have caught if he weren't already staring at her. It's like she was expecting the question, but hoping to avoid it for as long as humanly possible.

"It's, um... It's... Logan."

"Huh," Jess says after a moment.

"And get this, he's engaged."

"Huh," he repeats, nodding his head as he processes what Rory's telling him.

Rory wears a small smile, but she looks nervous while she waits for Jess to hopefully elaborate. Truthfully, Jess feels like Logan might have taken advantage of Rory's feelings for him, but he doesn't know the whole story - just from what he's seen and heard of the guy.

"And he's involved?"

"No. Well, a little. I don't know," Rory sighs, resting her chin in her palms. "It's complicated. I just know that with or without Logan, I'm going to do this. I mean, how hard could it be?"

"Well, if you... If you need anything... I don't know much about parenthood or have any experience, but I could - I could, you know, be there. If you want me to be."

Rory's grin deepens. "I do. Thank you. That - that actually means a lot."

And it does. They can joke about it now, but Jess was flighty as a teenager, and he didn't have the best childhood to begin with. He's an adult now, and it's shown in more ways than one recently. Honestly, Rory finds his growth and maturity... attractive. He's always been attractive to her, of course, but the way he carries himself now is different.

"So, how far along are you?"

"About eighteen weeks."

"Excited?"

"A little, yeah. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned with how life will change after they're born, though."

Jess nods to show he's listening, tapping his fingers on the edge of the counter.

"Hey, why don't we get out of here?" he asks, pushing the chair back under the island. "Go see a movie or something. Whatever you want."

"A movie?"

"Yeah," he shrugs, suddenly unsure of his idea and himself. "I mean, give you a day of normalcy. You know, a complete and total day to just... be and get your mind off everything."

Rory brightens at the idea. She nods excitedly and the two spend the next couple minutes shedding their snow pants so they look like normal human beings. Jess grabs his jacket and tosses Rory hers on their way out.

**********************************

Jess buys tickets to movies by the hour, so they spend the rest of the afternoon and most of the evening just theater skipping and viewing all the movies. Rory was naturally in charge of the snacks, buying an endless supply of candy and popcorn. For the first time in what feels like months, Rory feels like somewhat of a kid again. She feels like the Rory she was before the whole pregnancy happened. Not the Rory who _is_ pregnant and about to have a baby soon.

"Thank you for today," Rory says, unable to stop smiling since they walked out of the theater. "It was the most fun I've had in weeks."

"Weeks, huh? Guess I'll have to pay a visit to Stars Hollow more often."

"I guess so."

The drive back to town is quiet, but Rory is perfectly content to sit in silence with the only noise coming from the radio. Jess seems just as happy to let the music fill the cracks, and before either of them know it, they're back in Stars Hollow. Jess pulls up to the curb next to Luke's and puts the car in park.

"Thought you could have a little dinner before you head home."

"As if the two buckets of popcorn and candy I had weren't enough."

"You wound me," he feigns, talking to Rory over the top of his car as they step out. "I've seen you eat, and now that I know you're really eating for two, there's no way I'm sending you home without dinner."

Rory hides her smile in her shoulder while she follows Jess into the diner. He heads into the kitchen and fixes them plates of food, then he gets an idea, smirking to himself as he goes.

"The service here stinks," Rory teases as Jess finally comes back with their food after taking longer than expected.

"You'll have to excuse the wait, ma'am."

Rory grins up at him, accepting the plate he hands her. She sighs happily and reaches for a fork to dig in, but Jess places another plate in front of her before taking the seat across from her. Rory pauses, glancing at the small dish.

"Baby carrots?"

"Yeah," he says with a straight face. "You know, for the baby."

Rory stares at him in amazement for an instant prior to bursting out laughing. Jess bites his bottom lip, his own laughter bubbling at the surface. Rory's laughter eventually dies down as she begins to eat, though her appreciation for Jess and all he's done for her today grows. She knows it's a joke, but it's also his own little way of showing he's on board with the pregnancy, whatever his role may be in her child's life.


	11. resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory starts off the new year with a surprise visit from a former boyfriend, but that's not the only surprise the universe has in store for her.

Clean-up duty from the night before awaits Rory when she wakes up. Her mother is sleeping peacefully on their sofa with her hands tucked under her chin, a _Happy New Year!_ makeshift crown still sitting atop her head. Rory plucks the dirty cups and plates around Lorelai's sleeping figure, shoving them into a garbage bag. Seeing as how Rory was the only one who didn't - or couldn't - drink, she was somehow stuck with cleaning duties all by her lonesome.

Rory shakes off the negative mindset. It's a new year, which makes for a fresh start. A clean slate, if you will. Her writing is going well. She's almost a quarter of the way through, she hardly ever gets morning sickness anymore, and she has a new job lined up to start soon.

When Rory told Taylor she wouldn't be able to run the Gazette, he dropped to his knees and begged her to stay. Then, Rory had to help him stand back up. It was awkward and a little uncomfortable, but Rory insisted that she had to leave, though she wouldn't tell him why. She likes the idea of the pregnancy being a secret for now. Not that she's ashamed of her child or the circumstances of which he or she was conceived under, but Rory knows that once she lets the cat out of the bag, the whole town will be in her business. It's just in their nature, and while Rory loves about every person in Stars Hollow, she's not completely ready to give up her bubble of privacy.

It is getting harder to hide her bump, though, so Rory knows they'll find out soon. It's not like she can hide it forever.

"Mom," Rory whispers, gently shaking Lorelai, who swats at Rory in her sleep. "Mom, I have to go. I have an appointment, remember?"

"...Come with you?"

Rory smiles, touched that her mother would offer to come with her, even in the state she's currently in. "No, you stay here and sleep it off. I'll be back later."

Lorelai hums in her sleep and turns over so she's facing the back of the couch. Rory pats her arm gently in goodbye and ties the bag in a knot, placing it near the front door so she remembers to drop it off on her way out. Rory races to get dressed in record time, tightening her ponytail before grabbing a granola bar for the road, putting it in the pocket of her jacket. She'll stop at Luke's on the way home for real food.

Rory reaches for her bag and keys on her way through the house, picking up the garbage as she opens the door. She lets out a small squeak of surprise when she sees someone on the front porch. Logan grins sheepishly, waving a gloved hand at her. Rory's heart rate slows and her muscles loosen when she realizes who it is. Rory opens her mouth to tell him off for scaring her half to death, to ask him what the hell he thinks he's doing here when he should be in London. Nothing comes out.

"Morning," is all he says. "Let me get that for you."

Rory lets him take the bag from her, her guard still very much up, watching as he carries it to the end of the driveway. He stops next to an unfamiliar car while Rory still stands in the doorway. She pulls herself together and quietly closes the door, slowly walking toward Logan. Each step feels like she's wearing shoes made of bricks, dread and nerves setting in.

"What - what are you doing here?"

"Thought I'd accompany you to your appointment."

"How did you -"

"Our calendars are still synced." Logan lifts his phone for evidence.

Rory remains silent, even though every atom in her body is screaming at her to send Logan away. She makes a mental note to turn the sync option off. Rory fiddles with her keys to avoid his gaze, mulling over her options. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Logan starting to squirm uncomfortably.

"I know what I said, or what I didn't say when you told me about... Well, you know. And you have every right to say no, but I - I'd really like to come with you today."

"Logan..."

"The news caught me off guard," he gently interrupts, glancing down at Rory's swollen belly, "and... and I made a hasty decision that I probably shouldn't have."

"What are you saying, Logan?"

"I - I think I want to be involved, Ace. I mean, this is my kid. _Our_ kid."

Rory looks down at her boots, surrounded by old snowfall. "And what does Odette have to say about this?"

"She said that she needs time and space, so I'm giving it to her."

The answer surprises her. Before now, everything Logan has said were empty promises, but his telling Odette about their baby is admittedly a step in the right direction, if he truly wants to be involved. Rory sighs, finally meeting Logan's hopeful stare. She might regret this later, but fresh starts and all...

"Okay," she says timidly. "I will give you today and we'll see how it goes."

Logan beams and opens the door to the strange car that Rory can only assume is a rental, the engine coming to life a second later. Rory follows his lead and walks over to the other side of the vehicle. Logan still has a goofy grin on his face when she climbs inside. She rolls her eyes while she turns to buckle herself in as Logan puts the car in reverse, backing out of the driveway.

**********************************

Rory's OBGYN, Dr. Tanner, performs the sonogram this afternoon. She doesn't ask Rory the usual question of if the father will be joining them. The presence of Logan answers the question for Rory. Dr. Tanner has Rory get situated on the table, her leggings folded slightly at the waist and her shirt flipped up to reveal her bump. Logan inhales sharply at the sight, clearing his throat next to Rory. She's tempted to roll her eyes again, but she merely nods at Dr. Tanner, signaling for the OBGYN to begin whenever she's ready.

"Well, Rory, you're about nineteen weeks," Dr. Tanner starts, using the wand over the gel on Rory's stomach. "I say this because I could tell you the sex of your baby today, if that's what you want."

Dr. Tanner's words give Rory pause. She's firm in her belief that the baby is a girl, but what if she's wrong? Wouldn't it be better to be fully prepared, rather than putting all of her money on a feeling? Rory glances at Logan, who appears just as moved by the doctor's words. He gives a small smile, a little quirk of his lips, and lifts one shoulder.

"Whatever you want, Ace," he softly insists, reaching for her hand that's laying limp on the table. "I'm here for the ride."

Torn, Rory bites the bullet and nods at Dr. Tanner, indicating that they'd like to know the sex of the baby. Her OBGYN nods back, holding the transducer over a particular spot on Rory's bump, allowing the image on the screen to come in clearer. Rory cranes her neck to look at the screen and Logan rests his cheek on their locked hands, the reflection of the light coming from the monitor visible in his eyes. Rory closes her eyes and lets out a shaky breath.

"Congratulations, you two. It's a boy."

"A boy?" Rory croaks, eyes wide open now.

"Yes, a healthy little boy. He's right on track with his growth, too."

Logan chokes out a laugh and Rory is almost certain she sees tears forming in his eyes. He grins much like he did earlier, wrapping Rory up in his arms for a hug. Breathless, Rory barely returns the gesture. She's still staring at the screen, taken aback by the change of events.

"Oh, Ace, this is great," he cheers into her neck, squeezing her tightly.

"Yeah," she manages. A smile breaks her otherwise shocked state as Logan releases her. "So great."

**********************************

The ride home is quiet. Logan drives while Rory googles stories about what it's like to raise a boy, though she does remind him to stop at Luke's for lunch. When they reach the Gilmore house, Rory is officially overthinking the tactics about what it will take to raise her little boy. Logan puts the car in park and turns off the ignition.

"Thank you for letting me come with."

"No big deal."

It's quiet between them, too quiet. Rory's nerves grow as they start to get the best of her. How much time has passed since they pulled in the driveway? Rory reaches for the door handle, an excuse to get the hell out of the stuffy rental car on the tip of her tongue, when Logan stops her. Rory pulls back, showing Logan that she's listening to whatever he has to say.

"I want you to know how sorry I am."

"Logan, you don't have to -"

"No, I do," he cuts her off, fiddling with the buttons on the sleeve of his jacket. "I should have never told you I couldn't be involved. When I heard his heartbeat today... Rory, I'm not going to be the best dad, I'm not. I'm going to make mistakes. But I'm sure as hell going to try and make it all up to you, starting and ending with our kid. No matter what or how long it takes."

Logan blows out a breath, meeting Rory's gaze. She shoots him a comforting smile. His words mean a lot, but she'll believe it when she sees it. Her guard is lowered a little, yet it's still up. It might always be up when she's around Logan. They won't ever be the Rory and Logan they used to be when they were together, but maybe they can actually do this. They can be parents, together. Friends, even. Rory doesn't want to be angry for the rest of her life.

"Thank you," she replies, getting out of the car. She leans down to look at Logan properly. "Talk soon?"

He nods, a small grin forming on his face. "My people will call your people."

Rory waves one last time before shutting the door, turning on her heel and walking up the stairs, into the house. Lorelai isn't on the sofa when Rory walks through the entryway, paper bag full of food in hand. Rory shrugs to herself and puts the bagged food in the kitchen, deciding to try upstairs.

On her way through the halls, Rory makes a stop at the spare guest room that will soon be the nursery, and tries to imagine life with a bouncing baby boy. It's usually all blue everything, right? Rory isn't unhappy with having a boy, she's not. It's just that she's been picturing something totally different for the last nineteen weeks, give or take.

"Hey, I didn't hear you come in," Lorelai says from behind Rory. "How'd your appointment go?"

The overthinking and the imagining gets to Rory. She whirls on Lorelai, slight panic written on her features. "I don't know anything about boys, dating or otherwise! How am I supposed to raise one?"

"Okay..." Lorelai says slowly, walking further into the room to meet a distressed Rory. "I take it we have a boy on our hands?"

Rory inhales deeply and crosses her arms, nodding. Lorelai smiles sympathetically. She knew how badly her daughter wanted a little girl of her own. Lorelai hugs Rory to her side, kissing the top of her head while smoothing back her hair.

"It's going to be messy and complicated and - Did I say messy?"

"Mom," Rory whines, pouting up at Lorelai.

"Well, he'll be outnumbered. How about that?" Lorelai shakes her daughter a little, trying to get her to see the bright side. "Look, kid, I know you wanted a girl, but it's not like your whole life is over, right?"

"Right..."

"Some might even say, it's only beginning."

"I know," Rory replies, leaning into her mother's touch. "I got some burgers, by the way. They're in the kitchen."

"You got burgers and you didn't say anything until now?"

Lorelai takes off for the kitchen, leaving an amused Rory in her wake. Rory takes one last look around, finally starting to picture the nursery once it's put together; finally starting to see the bright side. She smiles to herself and shuts the lights off on her way out.

**********************************

Rory spends the rest of the afternoon and most of the night looking at baby clothes. She thinks about creating a registry for a brief moment, but she doesn't know if she's even going to have a baby shower. It's not like she has many friends. Needless to say, that idea came and went quickly.

Nonetheless, Rory bookmarks some cute clothing options and a few baby toys before minimizing the window and opening up the draft of her book. She's hardly a couple sentences in when her phone dings with a new message.

"How was your appointment?" Jess' message reads.

Rory's face warms. She's flattered that he remembered.

"Good," she types with a thumbs-up emoji. "Found out the sex of the baby."

"Well? You going to keep me in suspense here?"

Rory sends back a smirking emoji and locks her phone. She knows it's a little mean and maybe borderline evil, but it's a tiny bit funny, too. It's not as though she's never going to tell him. She will - when he comes back to Stars Hollow for a visit. Rory wants to see his reaction when she tells him it's a boy, since she shared her thoughts about the baby being a girl, with him.

For the rest of the night, Rory writes. She puts the finishing touches on one portion of her teenage years, heavily influenced by Dean, knowing full well that Jess' part is coming up, and with it, old memories and feelings. Rory takes a break right before beginning on Jess' part, rubbing at her face and blinking away the bright spots behind her eyes.

It'll be a miracle if she can relive all of these experiences she had with Jess and make it through unscathed. Well, maybe _she_ can make it through. It's her heart she's worried about.


	12. she's the only thing that makes me want to stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke and Jess help paint the nursery. Jess and Rory share an intimate moment after spending years apart.

Jess squints at the grainy image in front of him, tilting the captured moment at an angle before closing one eye and bringing the sonogram closer for viewing. His eyebrows furrow and his lips purse ever so slightly in concentration. Rory watches the scene unfold in front of her from atop the coffee table, leg bouncing as she waits for Jess to say something - _anything._ She's pretty sure he's been looking at her sonogram for ten minutes now.

"So," he finally speaks, "you're having an alien."

"Jess!"

"I'm just saying, with Logan's DNA, you can't completely rule it out."

Rory snatches the picture from his fingers. Jess chuckles to himself while Rory places the image next to her on the table. She huffs a little and cradles her bump almost protectively. Rory's recently popped and her bump is starting to show even more unless it's hidden by bagging clothing or strategically placed items.

Jess glances down to where he can see the bump sticking out against Rory's shirt - no need to try and hide it when he already knows. His lips twitch and he runs a hand over his mouth to cover the action. Jess always thought pregnancy glow was a myth, but either the lights are hitting Rory just right or she's got said pregnancy glow.

"You're not allowed to look at the sonogram photos anymore."

"At best, he would be half-alien. He'd still inherit half of your wacky Gilmore DNA."

"Oh, please continue," Rory deadpans. "You're making this so much better for yourself."

Jess snickers into his palm and Rory rolls her eyes, dropping her hands to grip the edge of the table. Jess' laughter eventually dies down as he rests his elbows on his knees from his place on the sofa. He sighs softly and thumbs at the corner of the picture, where it rests near Rory's thigh.

"A boy, huh? Never would have figured."

"I know. Me neither."

"So, have you gotten blue everything yet?"

"No," Rory answers on an exhale, swinging her legs. "Blue's kind of traditional and cliché when expectant mothers find out they're having a boy. I think I want to do something different."

Jess lifts an eyebrow. What, is she going to choose pink instead to set her baby apart from others? Not that there's anything wrong with that, just not something Jess would choose. As if she can read his mind, Rory laughs lightly.

"Don't worry, it's nothing crazy. I was thinking pale gray paint for the nursery. What do you think?"

Jess raises a shoulder in a shrug. "You could paint the room green to pay homage to his alien ancestry."

"You're no help to me at all."

"Oh, come on. I'll even help paint the nursery," Jess shouts after Rory as she storms out of the living room. Rory stops under the archway before the kitchen. She slowly turns around.

"No green paint, but I will take you up on that offer to paint the room." Jess grins. He knew she would. "And you have to come with me to the store to get supplies."

"Now you're pushing it."

Rory takes her bottom lip between her teeth in an attempt to conceal her smile, though her guard slips after a few seconds, baring her amusement. Jess returns the action and watches as Rory disappears into the kitchen, feeling oddly content.

**********************************

Since her pregnancy is still technically a secret to Stars Hollow, Rory has Jess go outside of town for paint supplies. They end up in Hartford at a store called Reardon's Color Center. It has five stars on Google, so Rory thought, what the hell? There's a ton more stores in Hartford than Stars Hollow anyway, in case they don't find what they're looking for at Reardon's.

Rory examines paint swatches throughout the entire car ride, because according to her, there is a "right shade of gray." Jess merely nods and agrees when prompted to humor Rory, never commenting on how ridiculous he thinks it is that a "right shade" could possibly exist. He would never be the one to purposely rain on her parade, if he can help it.

The parking lot closest to Reardon's is full, so Jess circles the plaza for an empty space. He and Rory bicker a little about the best parking spot before actually agreeing on one. Well, agreeing might be too big of a word - _"There is the best spot, it's nearest to the door."_ \- _"But I'll be parking in direct sunlight. Leather seats and sunlight do not mix."_ \- _"Jess, it's the beginning of January. I think warm seats are considered a pleasantry at this time of year."_

So, Jess chooses the parking spot in the sunlight, much to his chagrin.

Inside, since they're still squabbling over the parking lot episode, an employee quickly approaches them to help. Jess and Rory immediately stop talking and plaster on their best smiles. Well, Rory does. Jess kind of nods in the employee's direction before pretending to look around the store, walking aimlessly about while Rory speaks with Henry, Reardon's employee, though Jess never goes too far.

"Oh, gray is a nice color to work with. You and your husband have good taste."

Jess stumbles over his feet, turning back around. Rory is blushing slightly when Jess comes back to her side. The two remain quiet and Henry realizes his mistake.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize -"

"No, it's fine. Really," Rory insists with a wave of her hand. "We're... um, well. We're just friends."

"Right. Follow me, then."

Jess smirks amusedly and Rory gently elbows him as they follow Henry through the store.

"It's not funny," she mumbles.

"It's a little funny."

Henry shows them Reardon's choices of gray paint and leaves them to talk amongst themselves. Rory excitedly starts to examine the paint cans, comparing them to the swatches in the magazine. Jess casually browses the other paint options, God forbid, in case Rory suddenly changes her mind.

"Can I ask you something?" Rory asks from behind him.

"Go for it."

"Have you ever... I mean, do you ever think about... I don't know, having a kid of your own?"

Jess' browsing comes to a stop and he drops his hand from the can of paint he was looking at. He puts his hands in his pockets and spins slowly to face Rory, shrugging a bit. She looks a little nervous, but continues to look for the shade of gray she liked in the magazine.

"I - Not really. I don't know," Jess kicks at the floor with the heel of his shoe. "I guess I don't mind kids, but I never actually saw myself with one."

"Oh."

Jess nods, and it's silent between them for a while. Minutes pass like hours and Jess kicks himself for being a tad inconsiderate. Rory _did_ ask him about his thoughts and who is he to lie to her? He's not the guy who lies to her, not anymore.

"For the record," Jess tries with a weak grin, holding her softly by the arm while he stands beside her, "I'll like your kid."

Rory beams at him, laughing a little. Then, she looks over his shoulder and gasps, pointing excitedly at a can of paint, gesturing for Jess to grab it. He does so and Rory cheers, reaching for his hand so they can continue shopping for more supplies, the weird energy from moments ago having dispersed. Jess chuckles gently, letting Rory drag him wherever she wants to go.

**********************************

Luke wasn't entirely happy about being roped into painting the nursery - _"Who's going to watch the diner?"_ \- but for Rory, he'd do just about anything. Since Rory and Jess got back from shopping, he and Luke have been painting. It's been a little over an hour, and Rory and Lorelai are heating up some leftovers for the boys, since it's right around lunch time.

"It's nice to see you and Luke talking again," Rory says, buttering some bread to go with the Italian food in the microwave.

"Yeah, it's nice to be talking to him again."

Rory offers her mother a piece of bread, which Lorelai happily accepts. They both quietly munch on the food for a beat or two, waiting for the microwave to go off.

"Do you miss him?" Rory asks timidly.

Lorelai finishes her piece and opens the microwave door with a second to go. She extracts one plate of food and inserts another. Lorelai walks the plate over to the counter, which Rory is currently leaning against. She pauses.

"All the time," Lorelai answers sincerely. She wipes her hands on a paper towel and shakes off the memories swirling in her head. "Anyway, what about you?"

"What about me?"

"I've seen how you and Jess have been acting lately."

Rory groans, reaching for another piece of bread. "What is with you and this Jess agenda? You spontaneously become friendly after years of hating him, and now suddenly, it's like you're Team Jess. We are _just_ friends."

"Well, that's too bad. I was having t-shirts made that say, _Team Jess._ "

Rory rolls her eyes, saved from having to reply when the microwave beeps. Lorelai makes a teasing face, letting Rory know she's not off the hook yet, before turning her attention to lunch. Rory takes a deep breath. She and Jess _are_ only friends. Nothing can change that, especially not now when things are going so well between them.

**********************************

At seven o'clock in the evening, Luke leaves for the night and Lorelai leaves to go on a snack run shortly thereafter, leaving Rory alone with Jess. Rory tries to ignore the fact that she's completely alone with Jess for the first time in what feels like forever, and focuses on her writing. She's been making a lot of progress this past week.

It's now going for eight o'clock, and Lorelai still isn't back. Rory saves her work and closes her laptop, taking a sip of her hot chocolate. Jess comes bounding down the staircase minutes later. She greets him with a tired smile, which he returns.

"Is it all right if I wash up before I head out?" Jess questions, holding up his arms for evidence. Rory's eyes widen a little at how much paint is on his arms, hands, and clothing. On top of everything else, he has some paint on his face and neck. Rory covers her mouth to stop the laughter threatening to spill over.

"Did you paint the nursery at all? Or did you just manage to get yourself?"

"I may or may not have annoyed Luke to the point where he threw paint on me. Keep in mind, I'm innocent until proven guilty."

Jess puts on an innocent expression as he passes Rory, who can't help but lightly laugh at him. He settles in by the kitchen sink, slathering his hands and arms with soap. Rory helps to push his sleeves up and past his elbows, surprised - though she shouldn't be at this point - to see even more paint stains on his skin.

"I'm going to grab a washcloth to help clean up this mess. I'll be right back."

"I'll be here."

Rory playfully nudges him for the comment on her way out of the kitchen. She heads to the bathroom, finds what she needs, and walks back to the kitchen to find Jess. He's wiping his hands and arms dry when she approaches him. Rory runs the washcloth under warm water as Jess leans back against the counter. Turning off the faucet, Rory brings the wet cloth to Jess' cheek, gently rubbing at the dried paint.

"I can do that," he offers, trying to get to the cloth. Rory holds it out of his reach, tsking at him.

"I don't mind. It's the least I could do, after everything you've done for me."

Jess nods, allowing Rory to lightly grip his jaw, holding him in place. Her fingertips sear into his skin and he glances down, studying her features up close. Jess can still see glimpses of the girl he fell in love with all those years ago, and the woman she's become that he enjoys equally as much. But it was never about looks with them - though it doesn't hurt that Rory is easy on the eyes. It was always, _always_ about their connection. It's a connection Jess hasn't found with any other woman or any other person, for that matter.

It's always been Rory for him. You could call him stupid or naive, or say that there is a thing as too much pining, but you'll have to forgive him if he's held out the slightest bit of hope for Rory.

She pulls at his jaw and Jess turns his head the other way so she can get to the rest of the markings. He tenses under her touch, his thoughts running away from him. He closes his eyes with his jaw tilted upward while Rory works. Time passes slowly until the universe takes pity on him, and Rory finally drops the damp, now cold washcloth from his warm skin.

"Thanks."

Rory nods, leaning forward to place the cloth over the edge of the sink. Jess almost loses it when she pushes against him for a brief moment, releasing a breath when she pulls back. Rory meets Jess' stare, her lips parting on their own accord as she notices the intensity and maybe a little bit of longing in his eyes.

Maybe it's the close proximity, the old memories and feelings being brought up as of late with her writing, or maybe it's that Jess has undoubtedly matured, and Rory finds him to be even more attractive - but underneath the lighting, she finds herself leaning closer to Jess, drawn to him in ways she could never and still can't explain. Their noses touch and Rory tilts her head to the side a little, leaning in the rest of the way until her lips brush Jess'.

A shaky breath leaves Rory right before she breaks the barrier and hesitantly presses her lips against Jess'. He kisses her back with the same amount of hesitation. It's soft and brief; unsure. Rory pulls away enough to gauge Jess' reaction. He cups her face in his hands and holds her stare. The slight dip of her chin is the only answer Jess needs for him to kiss her again. Rory reacts just as quickly, wrapping her arms around his waist.

Their second kiss is harder, passionate. Rory lets out a squeak when Jess manages to walk her back into the kitchen table. Rory snakes one arm around his neck and uses her other hand to balance herself against the surface.

"Jess, I can't breathe."

"Good, I'm doing my job."

Rory laughs into the kiss, teeth clashing with his for an instant. Jess pulls back, allowing her to catch her breath, and kisses a trail from the corner of her mouth to her jawline. He grins and leans in to capture her lips again, but stops in his tracks when the main lights in the kitchen turn on.

Lorelai stands under the archway of the kitchen with wide eyes and an open mouth. Rory inhales sharply, pushing at Jess' chest so she can stand up properly.

"Well, you two work fast. I was only gone an hour."

"Mom!" Rory practically shouts. "It's not what it looks like."

"Really? Because from here it looks like -"

"I, uh, I should... go," Jess interrupts, reading the room. He nods at Rory, a silent promise to talk about this later.

"Don't leave on my account."

Despite Lorelai's words, Jess takes his cue to leave, anyway. Rory and Lorelai stay where they are, neither making a move or sound until they hear the door close.

"Just friends, huh?" Lorelai says with a knowing smile.

"Go to bed."

"Yes, mommy."

Lorelai lets out one last round of laughter prior to actually leaving. Rory slumps down into an open chair and runs a hand down her flushed face. Did that really just happen? Had her and Jess shared their first kiss after years of being broken up? By the way her lips are still tingling and how fast her heart is beating, Rory can only assume that kiss _really_ did happen. And she can't find it in her to regret a single second, even though there will surely be repercussions to follow.


	13. just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory and Jess talk about their shared moment of weakness. Stars Hollow holds their annual winter carnival.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was honestly expecting to update this fic sooner rather than later, but your girl is weak and started Chicago P.D., so... you know how that goes.
> 
> Anyway, a few parallels in this chapter, which are one of my favorite things in art/media. I had fun writing this one. Hope you like it!

It's nearly noon when Rory wakes up. She's surprised that she managed to sleep for so long while simultaneously being a little annoyed that half her day is gone. Rory allows herself another moment to gather her bearings, rubbing the sleep from her tired eyes. She lazily swings her legs off the side of the bed, reaching for her robe and tugging it over her shoulders, leaving it open to reveal her pajamas.

As Rory pulls her knotted hair back into a ponytail, she slowly drops her arms when she remembers what happened last night. She thought it might have been a dream. A really good dream, but a dream. The vivid images flashing behind her eyelids tell her otherwise. Jess kissed her. Well, she kissed him first, but he _definitely_ kissed her back. At the mere thought of said kiss, Rory's breathing picks up and she presses her palm to her chest in an attempt to calm her breaths.

She closes her eyes and inhales deeply through her nose. She feels her heart rate slow after a minute or two. Rory can't deal with this right now. First, she needs food, and then maybe advice from her mother or Lane, and _then_ she'll deal with it.

While Rory opens her bedroom door, she hears the front door open and close. She scrunches her eyebrows in confusion and warily exits her room. Rory holds her breath, holding out hope that it's just her mother coming or going. When she rounds the corner of the kitchen and walks closer to the living room, Rory freezes in her tracks. She barely holds back a surprised yelp at the sight of Jess. Her plan immediately goes out the window as she's forced to face the consequences head-on.

"Hey," he greets. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

Rory feebly smiles in return. Jess is wearing his usual jeans and dark shirt, covered in gray paint stains, indicating that he's been working on the nursery for her. The image of paint messily coating his skin and clothes gives Rory pause. Last night's events hit her again like a punch in the gut, a painful reminder of how the universe keeps pushing them together, only to tear them apart.

"Luke just left. He had to open the diner for a bit, but he said he'd be back later with food."

"Oh. Is my mom here?"

Jess shakes his head, wiping his hands on an old towel. "She left a few minutes before Luke did. Said something about Miss Patty and the winter carnival."

Rory grows suspicious at the mention of her mom and Luke leaving so closely together, even though they both have reasonable excuses. Nonetheless, they've been doing that a little too much lately for it to be considered a coincidence, but Rory shakes the feeling, nodding so Jess knows she's listening. Before tackling something else, she has other matters to attend to first.

"So, um... About yesterday..." Rory starts, her voice fading out when she realizes she doesn't exactly know what to say. "I want to apologize. I - I didn't mean to, uh... you know, jump you like that."

Jess scrapes at his bottom lip with his teeth, a smirk on the edge of breaking loose. "Well, I... I was a willing participant."

"Regardless." Rory shrugs a shoulder, wrapping her robe tightly around her figure. She's wearing layers of clothes, yet somehow she feels so exposed. "I'm tempted to blame it on the pregnancy brain, but that - that wouldn't be entirely true."

"Huh. So you _wanted_ to kiss me."

" _Jess._ " He chuckles lightly while Rory playfully rolls her eyes, glad that things aren't nearly as awkward as she expected. "Anyway, you don't have to worry about me jumping your bones or anything. What happened last night... It can't happen again."

It's not that she doesn't want to kiss Jess again. She does. Boy, she does. Being that close to him again awakened something inside of her that's been dead and dark for years. She felt alive. They just... can't. Not now. Not when they've made so much progress in rebuilding their friendship and certainly not with how badly Rory's love life has been going recently.

"Right," he replies nonchalantly, surely doing what he does best - concealing his emotions. "Well, if you change your mind..."

Rory smiles slightly, a small quirk of her lips. Jess smirks as he continues to walk through the living room and up the staircase. She watches him leave until his form disappears, wishing the circumstances were different. Timing seems to be a recurring issue when it comes to Jess and Rory, all things considered. Maybe one day they'll find their footing together, when the time is right and fate is on their side.

**********************************

Jess would be lying if he said he isn't disappointed in how things turned out today. He wasn't necessarily expecting Rory to have an epiphany and proclaim her love for him, but after last night, he was hoping for... for what? For just... more. But he understands, of course he does. She's pregnant with someone else's baby and Jess still has a lot to prove as an adult. It doesn't mean he likes it.

Jess takes a minute and crosses his arms, surveying the room in front of him. He still has another wall and a half to paint. Without Luke, it'll probably take the rest of a day to finish. A sliver cut into the wall in the shape of a door catches his eye and against his better judgement, Jess finds himself moving toward it. He pulls against the door knob and ducks down to see inside. A chain hangs from the slanted ceiling and Jess pulls on it, the small closet illuminated within seconds.

Inside, Jess finds a bunch of old baby toys, clothes, and what looks like a crib. Jess lightly scoffs to himself in disbelief. This must be Rory's stuff from when she was a kid. Jess bends down and takes a seat on the hardwood floor, reaching forward to rummage through the belongings. He probably shouldn't be snooping around, but sue him for being a little curious. He examines the crib, carefully pulling it out so he doesn't make too much noise. It's worn and could use a little TLC, but Jess is sure that with enough time on his hands, he could fix it up within a week or two.

Jess is about to close the door when he sees a stack of papers, mostly hidden by the boxes of baby clothes. He pushes the boxes aside and picks up the piece of paper on top. It's a drawing of a family. A mom, a dad, and a kid - even a dog. There's a sloppily drawn house in the background with the sun in the top corner. Jess grins a little to himself, placing the drawing back where it belongs.

He carries the crib to a corner of the room, and checks his watch. It's going for four in the afternoon. If he leaves now, he could get some writing in before the stupid carnival. Jess takes another look around the room and nods to himself, cutting the lights on his way out.

He's hardly heard from Rory since their conversation earlier, so he's not expecting to see her before he leaves. What he gets instead is an aching Rory on the sofa. He lifts a questioning eyebrow and she catches it, grimacing a little.

"You all right?"

"Apparently, I've reached a new pregnancy milestone - swollen ankles," Rory explains.

Jess nods in understanding. He gestures for her to wait a second and heads into the Gilmore's kitchen. He releases a heavy breath as he opens the fridge. Jess grabs a water bottle and then searches the freezer for a makeshift ice compress. Once he has everything that he came for, Jess walks back out to where Rory is still laying down on the sofa.

"Swing your feet around," Jess orders gently. Rory does as she's told, shooting him a puzzled look in the process.

"Like this?"

"Yeah, just rest your feet there."

Jess sets down the things he got from the kitchen and puts a pillow under Rory's feet, and one behind her back so that she's not practically sitting on the edge of the couch. He hands her the bottle of water, which she hesitantly accepts. Jess strides over to the extra paint supplies and grabs a clean towel. He goes back to Rory, wrapping the bag of frozen vegetables in the towel before setting it atop her swollen ankles.

"Thanks," she says softly. "Where did you... How did you..."

"Back in New York, we lived on the fifth floor, my mom and I. When she got drunk sometimes... Well, let's just say, she didn't always make it up the stairs unscathed." Jess shrugs, taking a seat on the coffee table next to Rory's legs. "She tweaked an ankle once or twice, and I had to learn how to take care of her since she wasn't... She wasn't coherent enough to tell me what to do."

Rory nods, lips parted. He almost never talks about his life before Stars Hollow, and it breaks her heart to know he had to do things like that. He must have been, what? Fourteen, fifteen? Younger?

"What else did you learn?" Rory asks, hoping to lighten the mood.

Jess grins lightly. "I could... I could give you a massage. It might help."

"I don't know." Rory crinkles her nose. She doesn't really want Jess or anybody going near her feet, but she can't deny that a massage sounds nice. The ice is already doing its job. Rory feels much better than she did ten minutes ago.

"One time offer, ma'am."

"For little old me? Surely, you could spare me more time to think about it."

"Take it or leave it, I'm afraid," Jess tsks teasingly.

"Fine, but only because my feet hurt. After this, you're never going anywhere near my feet again."

"Yes, ma'am."

Rory reaches over the arm of the sofa and blindly searches the inside of her bag. Her fingertips graze the plastic of her bottle of lotion and she pops it out, a gleeful smile on her face. Jess shakes his head, though he's as amused as she is. He takes the girly lotion from her and gets started, working around the ice on her ankles. Rory thanks him on a sigh.

Jess takes advantage of the silence to study Rory. She looks tired and a bit overwhelmed, but... She looks resilient, too, and Jess secretly admires that; her strength. If the roles were reversed and he were a single dad, he's not sure he could do it. Rory has people surrounding her and supporting her, but it's her emotional willpower that's kept her standing. Jess isn't sure he has that sort of strength.

"So, do I want to know how you got so good at massages?"

Jess mulls the question over. "It was a woman named Alba, and she was extremely beautiful, not nearly as beautiful as you, but -"

Rory wrinkles her nose again, yet she's unable to stop the flush creeping up her neck at Jess calling her beautiful. "You're despicable."

Jess lets out some laughs, biting the corner of his lip. Soon, his laughter dies down and he exhales softly. Rory watches him carefully, looking for any signs of him shutting down on her. Strangely, she doesn't find any.

"If you must know," Jess speaks, "I used to... I, uh, I used to listen to my mom fight with her boyfriends, and I - I played music to drown out their voices. Sometimes, I even fell asleep to the music, but then there were some days when everything would seem so... loud."

"And you'd get headaches," Rory timidly finishes for him.

"Yeah. I took aspirin like it was candy, but eventually, I stopped. It clearly wasn't working anymore, so I... I taught myself how to massage certain tension points. Nothing too flashy or anything, but... just another thing I had to teach myself, I guess."

The crack in Rory's heart breaks even further.

"You don't... You don't talk about your childhood a lot."

Jess casually lifts his shoulders. "Not much to talk about."

"Well, thank you. For... you know, sharing that with me. I - I appreciate it."

"You good here?" Jess deflects, wiping his hands on the rag in his back pocket, standing up. "I was going to head out, maybe get some writing done."

"Jess -"

"Make sure to keep drinking water. It'll help with the swelling."

Rory watches helplessly as Jess grabs his belongings and heads for the front door. She adjusts her position, the bag of frozen vegetables falling in the process.

"Jess!" she nearly shouts, stopping his movements. "We're... We're okay, right?"

He slowly turns to face her, an almost sad smile on his face. "Yeah, Rory. We're okay."

Jess leaves without another word and Rory lets him. He may have matured, but in some ways, he's still Jess. He still keeps his feelings locked away in a cage and he still gives her half-answers when she manages to strike a nerve. Although, Rory's surprisingly okay with that. She's not a huge fan of his deflections and his being closed off, but he wouldn't be Jess without those quirks and flaws.

**********************************

"Thank you," Rory says to the man running the funnel cake booth.

Lorelai breaks off a piece of Rory's, even though she has a funnel cake of her own, and pops it in her mouth. Rory protests as much as she can with a mouthful of food, swatting at her mother's grabby hands.

"Wow, you're mean."

"I'm pregnant and hungry. Bite me."

"See? _Mean._ "

Rory rolls her eyes and Lorelai excitedly points at a game, running off to participate in hopes of winning a prize. Rory stands in the background, watching from afar while her mother shouts about the game being rigged somehow. Rory snickers a little, eating her sweets while she waits.

"Hey, stranger."

"Jess," Rory breathes. "Hi. Funnel cake?"

"Pass."

"Your loss."

"I think I'll live." Jess grins slightly, one side higher than the other. "So, what's there to do at a shindig like this?"

"Well, you can play some games and win a prize. Or, I think Miss Patty said that they have a ferris wheel this year."

"A ferris wheel?" he gasps and feigns excitement, earning him an elbow in the side from Rory. "Only if you join me."

"I don't know... My mom's over there and -"

"You'll get to sit for a while."

"I'm in."

Jess' grin widens. He knew that would get her. They silently walk over to the ferris wheel and hop into an empty cart. Jess holds Rory's precious funnel cake as she climbs in. The volunteer brings the bar down over their laps and Rory takes her funnel cake back, happily munching along as the ferris wheel starts up. The pair sit in comfortable silence while they watch their surroundings change.

"It's weird," Rory murmurs. "Stars Hollow seems so small from the ground, but from up here, it's... It's kind of..."

"Yeah," Jess agrees. "I know what you mean."

Rory wraps the rest of her cake up in the foil and tucks it away in her bag for later. She rests her hands on the bar and glances at Jess. The lights from the carnival reflect back in his eyes and Rory smiles softly. He looks younger, carefree. Nothing like the boy who endured a questionable childhood. Jess catches her eye and lifts his eyebrows.

"What?"

"Nothing," she answers quietly.

Rory's gaze flits to Jess' lips and his does the same. Jess cautiously lifts his arm, resting his hand on Rory's cold cheek. He brushes his thumb back and forth across her cheekbone and she finds herself holding onto his wrist, closing her eyes.

"We can't," Rory whispers. "I mean... You know why we can't, don't you?"

Jess drops his hand and nods, looking straight ahead, no longer interested in the street lights or how small the houses look from up above. Rory hangs her head, afraid that she's ruined something - the moment, their friendship - take your pick.

"I know," Jess finally replies. Rory looks at him again, her expression perturbed. He returns the stare and offers a reassuring half-smile, shrugging slightly. "It is what it is. You, me."

With his words, Rory recalls that fateful day in Philly when she left Jess for the last time before they reconnected years later. Back then, she didn't entirely understand what he meant. She thought she did, but now... Now, she's positive that she understands exactly what he means.


	14. turning point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the help of Lorelai, the town throws Rory a baby shower. Jess is appointed to keep Rory busy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline update! It's the end of January and Rory is about 22 weeks along.
> 
> Also, I made a playlist for this fic. It covers the whole story from chapter one to this one. If you want to give it a listen, here's the link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7qM3rL23ZdQk7e5LywCi3G?si=uG4Krg3zRfmTA0z2-NZBVw

All eyes are on Rory. It's not an exaggeration, though she wishes it was. If the hushed whispers weren't enough to make her paranoid, the occasional finger pointing is. Rory curls inward, trying to shield her bump from prying eyes, even though she knows it's no use. As of this morning, the town knows all about her little secret. She came to the conclusion earlier, that she could no longer hide her growing stomach. Honestly, Rory's surprised she managed to hide it for as long as she did.

"Rory," Taylor sounds from next to her. "To celebrate this momentous time in your life, how would you feel about having a baby shower?"

Rory pauses mid-chew before forcing herself to swallow. "A baby shower?"

"I would plan it, of course, and I'm sure Luke would let us have it here."

"What?" Luke booms from behind the counter, clearly unhappy with the proposition of having a party at his diner. Taylor excuses himself and approaches Luke. The two start off calmly, talking it out like rational adults, but then they soon launch into full argument mode. As in, arms flailing, neck veins popping out - the whole package.

"You don't want a baby shower?"

Rory turns her attention back to her mother, who's already finished her lunch, and shrugs. She plays with her food to buy time, pushing the scattered pieces of lettuce that Luke always sneaks onto her burger, to the side of her plate.

"I don't want the attention," Rory amends. "I mean, you know Taylor. It's go big or go home with him."

Rory exhales, propping her chin on her open palm. She puts her fork down and runs her free hand over her swollen belly, almost protectively.

"What if I helped plan it?" Lorelai suggests. "I'll make sure he doesn't go over the top."

Rory brightens at the idea. "Really? I don't want to take you away from anything else you might be doing."

"Work can wait. If you really want a baby shower, but don't want Taylor's touch all over it, then I'll be there to make sure that doesn't happen."

"Thanks, mom. That means a lot."

Out of the corner of her eye, Rory sees Jess push past the curtain that leads upstairs. She sits up straighter at the sight of him, shooting him a smile to let him know she's happy to see him. Jess dips his chin in a nod, acknowledging Rory.

"Did you see that?" Rory hears another whisper from the next table over. "Jess is _definitely_ the father. I mean, did you see that look in his eye?"

"Yeah, right," another voice says. "I'll take that bet."

Rory rolls her eyes and takes hers, and her mother's plates to the counter to save Luke some work - and to get away from the rumor mill. Since Luke is still arguing with Taylor, though it's much quieter now, Jess takes the dirty dishes off Rory's hands.

"How you holding up?" Jess asks, wiping his hands clean afterward.

"Okay, I guess. Did you know people are taking bets on who the father is?"

Jess snickers and leans forward on the counter. Rory hops up onto a stool as gracefully as she can, folding her hands. He takes a look around the diner, silently wondering who the genius is behind the bets.

"Anyone good?" Jess inquires playfully. "Orlando Bloom? Sean Faris? Oh no, wait. I know - Ashton Kutcher."

"You're just as bad as the rest of the town."

"All right, I'll bite. Who's the lucky guy?"

Rory purses her lips as she debates on whether or not to tell Jess the truth, given their situation. Well, it's not like he's _not_ going to find out eventually. Stars Hollow is a small town. People talk.

"You, apparently," Rory finally answers.

A flash of disbelief crosses Jess' features and he scoffs, playing it off. Rory lifts her eyebrows and inclines her head to let Jess know she's not trying to mess with him.

"You're kidding," he replies flatly.

"Does it look like I'm kidding?"

Jess takes a moment to study Rory, only to realize that she's in fact, not kidding. He blows out a breath and runs a hand over his forehead in exasperation. It's not a terrible rumor to be a part of, but it's not true, either. He can't imagine what Luke's going to say when he hears about it. Jess inwardly shudders.

"We have to shut this down before it gets back to -"

"Jess!" Luke shouts, breaking off his conversation with Taylor. He closes the short distance behind the counter and stabs an accusing finger at his nephew. "What did you... How did I miss... I want an explanation right now."

Jess sneaks a glance at Rory, who is wide-eyed. She catches the look he gives her, a sly smirk on his face. Rory narrows her stare at him in suspicion, even though his eyes are telling her to relax and go along with whatever happens next.

"Oh, you didn't hear?" Jess asks, confidence never wavering. He claps Luke on the shoulder for good measure. "You're going to be a great-uncle."

Luke hopelessly looks to Rory. She pushes down her amusement and follows Jess' lead, at the risk of giving Luke a stroke.

"Surprise," Rory says in a shrill, high voice that's hardly recognizable as her own. "The rumors are true. Jess is the father."

Luke stutters, his face turning a bright shade of red. Lorelai comes up next to Rory, waving a wad of cash to pay for their meal. She picks up on the tension radiating from Luke, and the entertained expressions on Jess and Rory's faces.

"What'd I miss?" Lorelai questions, sliding the money across the counter.

Jess takes it and walks around a stunned Luke to enter the total into the cash register.

"Did you know?" Luke turns his attention to Lorelai. "You did, didn't you? You knew Jess is the father of Rory's baby, and you didn't tell me."

Lorelai chokes out a surprised laugh. "What? Jess isn't the father. Rory's ex-boyfriend, Logan, is."

Luke processes the new, _accurate_ information and turns on Jess, a slew of not-so-nice words coming out. Jess chuckles and rounds the counter to refuge with Lorelai's change in his hand. He wedges himself safely between the Gilmores. Rory lets out a few giggles as Jess leans into her.

"You little..." Luke trails off, grumbling under his breath. "That was _not_ funny."

"You're right, Uncle Luke. It wasn't funny," Jess says, feigning seriousness. "It was hilarious."

**********************************

"I don't know why I can't just -"

"No can do, doll. You and lover boy have to go out of town for this one," Babette cuts Rory off, gently pushing her out of her own house.

"Jess isn't my boyfriend."

"Whoever he is, he's going with you. The shower is top secret."

Jess is waiting outside with his car when Rory stumbles over the threshold. Accepting her fate, Rory bounds down the steps and towards Jess. He kicks off from his car, swinging his keys around his finger.

"Where to, Miss?"

"To the stars," Rory jokes in a dramatic tone.

Jess grins, opening the passenger door for her. He helps her step carefully inside the car. Her growing bump is getting in the way more and more everyday, so Rory gratefully thanks Jess for the assist. Once Rory is safely buckled in, he walks around his car to the driver's side, climbing in. Jess ignites the engine, the radio immediately blaring "Girl From Mars" at them. Rory flinches and shrinks back in her seat while Jess hurries to lower the volume.

"Shit, sorry."

"It's fine," Rory laughs breathlessly. "Great song, but... Maybe not so loud this time."

"As you wish."

Jess increases the volume until Rory gives her stamp of approval, humming along to the song. He smiles a little and puts the car in reverse, heading down the driveway as Ash's lyrics fill the empty spaces.

**********************************

It turns out that Rory had a lot more shopping to do for the baby than she originally thought. The back of Jess' car is already filled with bags of necessities for the baby, but Rory is on a mission to find one more thing before they head back to Stars Hollow.

"What are these things called again?"

"Bellybuds."

Jess snorts from behind Rory. "I knew what they were called. I just wanted to hear you say bellybuds."

Rory purposely bumps into Jess, accidentally knocking him into a rack of stuffed animals since he wasn't expecting it. His cheeks turn pink in slight embarrassment and Rory laughs, leaving him to clean up the mess. She walks a little further down the aisle, skimming a finger over the many boxes on the shelf, honing in on anything that seems remotely familiar to what she's looking for.

"Cruel woman," Jess mutters when he catches up to her.

"You deserved it."

"You're lucky it wasn't anything breakable."

"Oh, please. You're just being dramatic."

"Rory -"

"Look," she says, effectively cutting off Jess' lecture. She points to a floor model of the earphones. "Aren't they cool?"

"Not exactly how I'd describe them, but to each their own."

Rory glares teasingly at Jess and he smirks lightly, helping her hook the buds onto her belly. She scrolls through the song selection that the floor model gives customers, almost letting out a cheer of excitement when she sees that they have The Smiths. Rory presses play, the music flowing through the headphones to her stomach, playing music for her son.

"Whoa!" Rory yelps after a minute. She physically stumbles back at the light pain coming from her stomach, crashing her back into Jess' front. He's quick to catch her, securely wrapping his arms around her middle.

"Are you okay?"

"I think - I think I'm... having the baby?"

Jess can feel himself pale. "W-what? Did your water break?"

"No, I don't think so, but I had this sharp pain at my side."

Jess looks down at Rory, just as another wave of pain hits her. The color begins to return to his face as he realizes what's happening. He could laugh from relief.

"Rory, you're not in labor."

"I'm not?"

"The baby's just moving a little. You're experiencing his kicks."

"Oh." Jess helps her to stand properly. "It felt weird. I don't know if I like it."

Jess grins, laughter bubbling in his chest while Rory unhooks the bellybuds from her bump. Clearly, her baby enjoys The Smiths. That, or he hates them. Rory cringes when the baby kicks again, trying to lean away from the strange feeling.

Rory grabs a box of bellybuds, accepting the arm Jess offers her in case the kicking becomes too much again. On their way out, they pass by a pile of parenting books. Rory walks right by them since she has plenty at home, absorbing all the information she can. Jess pauses and tells Rory he'll meet her at the register. She nods slowly, confusion clear in her eyes, but she eventually continues walking.

Jess heads over to the piles of books and flips through a couple. Unsure of how much time has passed, he grabs a handful of books and heads to checkout. Jess gently snatches the box of bellybuds from Rory and holds it behind his back with the books.

"Hey, I saw some pacifiers over there. We didn't get any yet, did we?"

"Oh, good eye. I'll be right back."

"Take your time."

While Rory's gone, Jess quickly pays for the parenting books. He thanks the girl behind the counter, asking her to double bag them so Rory doesn't find out. After he's done paying for the books, Jess places the bellybuds on the surface. Rory comes back shortly afterwards with a collection of pacifiers in hand, and he pays, despite her protests.

**********************************

After dropping off all the bags at the Gilmore house, Jess drives him and Rory to Luke's. Outside of the diner are a bunch of balloons and decorations. Rory groans at the sight and Jess laughs softly, tugging her along behind him. When the two walk inside, everyone cheers and greets Rory. Jess manages to sneak off, otherwise undetected, to grab some snacks.

"You like?" Lorelai asks, hugging Rory to her side.

"Yeah, it's really nice. Thanks for helping out."

"My pleasure, kid."

Rory spends the next couple hours mingling with the people of Stars Hollow, and surprisingly enough, she enjoys herself. She really does love her town and she's excited for her son to experience life in Stars Hollow, too.

"Having fun?" Lorelai questions, sidling up next to her daughter.

Rory nods, sipping her water. "I am. Hey, you know the baby kicked today?"

"What, and you didn't say anything?"

Lorelai excitedly hugs Rory, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Rory contentedly rests her cheek on her mom's arm.

"I'm so happy for you, honey," Lorelai speaks softly, running her fingers through Rory's hair. "When I was pregnant with you... I didn't have half the support you do. I didn't have a whole town backing me up."

"Well, maybe this," Rory replies, resting a hand on her stomach, "is a turning point."

"Yeah, maybe it is."

Lorelai kisses the top of Rory's head as they continue to watch the fun and games ensue. Rory sighs happily. Her heart feels so full right now. She only hopes that this good feeling carries on long after her son is born.


	15. we were built to fall apart then fall back together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess is one step closer to finishing his second book. Rory has a doctor's appointment, but she's not going alone, like she originally thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a short chapter, but I'm hoping to update more frequently! My classes are coming to an end soon and then I'll have a week off after that before my new classes begin.
> 
> Also, I'm going to try and focus more on this fic and finishing it. So that means if you're reading my other works, please note that I'm putting them on hold for now. I'll definitely get back to them soon, though.

Jess restlessly drums his fingers against the surface of his laptop. His editor, Vic, is silent on the other end of their video call as he reads the additions Jess has made to his second book. Jess wanted to wait so he could give Vic the rest of the book in one go, but he had to give Vic something to make the persistent phone calls and texts stop. Jess waits impatiently while Vic makes some notes within the document.

"Well?" Jess finally asks.

Vic holds up his index finger, silently telling Jess to wait - as if he hasn't been waiting long enough. Jess glances down at his watch to see that nearly an hour has passed since the call started.

"Vic, you had a week to make revisions. I'm growing older by the minute here."

"You know me," Vic mumbles, his fingers flying across the keyboard, "I like to leave things until the last minute."

Jess blows out a breath in annoyance and decides to kick back while he waits. He reaches for an old book from his bag and reclines back in the chair. After Jess gets about thirty pages in, Vic announces that he's finished.

"The plot is extremely different from your debut novel," Vic says as he looks at Jess over the top of his reading glasses. "While it's just as personal and well-written as your first work, you will be straying from what your audience has grown to expect from you as a writer. Are you positive you want to go through with the publication process?"

"You don't think I should?"

"I didn't say that. I definitely think you should publish this when all is said and done. I just want to make sure that _you're_ sure."

Jess tugs his bottom lip between his fingers in concentration. His second novel is unbelievably personal, possibly more than The Subsect was. On one hand, he'd love for the public's opinion on the piece. On the other, it's like cutting out a piece of his heart and splattering it onto the pages in the form of words - his words. If he publishes this book, Jess will be more vulnerable than he's ever been.

"I need some time to think it over," Jess replies in a low voice. "That good with you?"

"Don't take too long. Truncheon is chomping at the bit to see what you'll do next."

Jess nods and promises to be in touch soon. They end the call, Vic's revisions coming in a few seconds later in his inbox. Jess stares blankly at the word document that's attached to Vic's email and considers his next move. Vic said so himself - The Subsect was as personal as his upcoming novel is. So, why is he having such a difficult time in deciding whether or not to publish it? Biting the bullet, Jess opens the document and Vic's edit suggestions pop up alongside the draft. As Jess reads his own words, forgoing Vic's revisions momentarily, his chest tightens and his jaw involuntarily clenches. He knows exactly why he's second-guessing publication. He just hasn't fully admitted it to himself yet.

**********************************

Jess gets about a quarter of the way through Vic's revisions before taking a break. He decides to head downstairs for lunch, and to see if Luke might need help with the diner. On his way out, he pulls at the same time someone else pushes. An exhausted looking Rory falls over the threshold, her arms outstretched to brace herself. Jess reacts quicker than she does and holds his own arms out to catch her. He stumbles slightly at the force, but manages to stay standing. Rory's eyes are squeezed tightly shut and her face is scrunched up. Jess laughs lightly as he rights her. She slowly opens one eye and then the other, releasing the breath she was holding.

"Thanks."

"No problem. I didn't realize you were coming in."

"Yeah, Luke said I could rest up here for a bit while I wait for my lunch."

"Everything okay?"

Rory nods and spins on her heel. "I had my first day of work, so I'm a little beat. Plus, my ankles are swelling again. I just need to rest and I'll be good to go."

Rory loses her blazer and kicks off her flats on the way to the sofa. Jess quietly follows her back into the apartment as she crashes, curling onto her side. She makes grabby hands at the blanket that's resting over the back of the couch, and Jess kneels down to help her. Rory smiles sleepily in return.

He grins fondly down at her. "I'll bring your food up when it's done."

She hums in response, probably half asleep by now. Jess studies her peaceful, sleeping form for a fleeting instant before leaving her to sleep.

**********************************

Rory wakes with a start, her alarm ringing throughout the seemingly empty apartment. She hurries to grab her blazer, searching desperately for her phone. Once she finds it and turns off alarm, Rory takes a second to revel in the silence. She lays back down on the sofa and tucks her hands underneath the pillow. Her fingertips brush something wedged between the arm of the couch and the cushion. Sitting up, Rory lifts the pillow and pulls the book out of its hiding spot just enough to see the title - Parenting with Presence.

Curiosity gets the best of her and Rory finds herself flipping through the parenting book. Every other page has highlighter marks in the form of underlined sections or circled information, and in the margins, is Jess' handwriting. Her lips part as she realizes the level of commitment Jess is displaying, even though the baby she's carrying isn't biologically his.

The doorknob to the apartment begins to turn and Rory rushes to put the book back exactly where it was - or close to it, anyway. Jess walks in with a container of food, surprised to see Rory awake already. She plasters on a smile, her mind still reeling with the information she just found out. Rory gets up and meets Jess at the small table in the kitchen, thanking him for bringing her lunch. She almost sits down to join him, but then remembers the time, and hustles to put her jacket and shoes back on.

"I have an appointment," Rory explains. "But thank you for the food and letting me sleep up here."

Rory shoots him another quick smile in thanks before hightailing it out of there. As the door closes behind her, she freezes in the hall. She thinks of the parenting book she found and how it says everything Jess might be afraid of telling her. It says that he's thinking of being in her child's life somehow, no questions asked. Without dwelling on it for much longer, Rory makes a last minute decision and heads back into the apartment. Jess' back is to her when she re-enters the room.

"Jess?"

He startles slightly at her voice as he turns. "Hey, I thought you left already."

"Would you... Would you want to come with me?"

"I wouldn't want to, uh, impose or anything," Jess stutters, taken aback by Rory's sudden interest in having him accompany her. "I mean, I'm not the father..."

"Yeah, but I'd like you to be there. If you want to. It might be... I don't know, nice."

"Nice?" Jess scoffs amusedly. Rory lifts a shoulder, but continues to wait for him in case he changes his mind. Eventually, he awkwardly clears his throat and nods. "I - Er, yeah. Yeah, okay. I'll come with."

"You don't have to if you don't -"

"No, it's... I - I want to."

It registers that Rory wants him to come, too. Not just because of what she found, but because she'd truly enjoy having Jess by her side through this. Through all of it, really. They can start with the doctor's visit, though.

**********************************

Jess is starting to feel like he's in way over his head. His leg hasn't stopped bouncing nervously since he and Rory sat down. Tagging along with her seemed like a good idea, but now that he's here and surrounded by children and pregnant women, Jess is rethinking the whole thing. He wants to be there for Rory in any way he can, but he probably looks like a fool right now. His nerves are starting to show and his thoughts are starting to get to him - and the kid isn't even biologically his. Imagine how much of an emotional wreck Jess would be if he was.

Jess wills his leg to stop bouncing, spreading his palm over the top of his knee. Next to him, Rory crowds his personal space - not that he minds - as she leans in to check on him. She reaches for the hand that's on his knee, placing her own hand over his. She squeezes to let him know that she's right here with him; that he has nothing to worry about.

"Rory Gilmore."

Rory stands at her name being called, tugging Jess with her.

"You... You want me in the actual room?" Jess questions from behind her, his shoes feeling like bricks.

Rory holds a finger up to the receptionist to let her know they'll be right in. The girl nods and disappears behind the door again. Rory slowly turns to face Jess. "Unless you have a problem with it."

Surprisingly enough, he doesn't.

**********************************

The steady, thrumming beat of the baby's heart fills the room. Jess has never heard anything like it. Suddenly, his own heart rate slows to a normal pace and his nerves begin to shrink. His actions and thoughts from moments ago, in the waiting room, seem silly now. Rory smiles widely, looking at the screen as her OBGYN presses the flat of the transducer against her lower stomach.

"It's pretty neat, huh?" Rory asks quietly. Jess is too stunned to answer, but he doesn't have to. His wide eyes and that small grin he's wearing is answer enough. "Jess?"

"Yeah?" he replies, tearing his attention away from the ultrasound.

"I have a confession to make."

Jess furrows his eyebrows while Dr. Tanner removes the gel from Rory's bump. Her OBGYN assures Rory that everything's right on track and her son is doing wonderfully. Rory thanks her doctor before she leaves the room. She pulls her shirt down and sits up on the table.

"I... I found the parenting book you were hiding," Rory murmurs as her guilt settles in. "I didn't mean to. It's not like I was intentionally snooping or anything, but I - I just wanted you to know. I'm sorry."

"Are you... Are you bothered by the fact that I bought them?"

 _Them? As in, plural?_ Rory ignores her nagging thoughts and shakes her head. Jess stands and helps her down from the table, his hands resting gently on her hips. Rory's hands come down to meet his, loosely gripping his fingers.

"No, I'm not. I'm - I'm actually really touched that you've put so much thought into this. I mean, I know the baby isn't yours -"

"I'll be... whatever you need me to be," Jess gingerly interrupts her. He shrugs a little to downplay his meaningful words. "Whatever the baby needs. I... You can count on me now. All right?"

Rory nods and Jess jerks his chin toward the door, indicating that they should leave to free the room for someone else. Rory grabs her jacket off the back of the chair and follows Jess' lead, her face warming when she sees that Jess still hasn't let go of her hand.

Selfishly, Rory starts to imagine if this is what it would be like to have a partner in all of this. And even though Logan is coming around at his own pace, he hasn't been there for her nearly as much as Jess has - voluntarily, too. Jess is a lot of things to a lot of people, but no one can say he doesn't have a good heart deep down inside. Rory is slowly, but surely seeing glimpses of that heart of his, and she doesn't exactly hate what she's seen thus far. The complete opposite, actually.


	16. medicine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory's health becomes a concern regarding her pregnancy.

It's when she takes her fifth break within the last hour, that Rory realizes she's simply avoiding writing her book at this point. The memories of Jess and their first relationship together are taking a lot out of her, emotionally speaking. In addition to their kiss that happened a little over a month ago, and having him so close yet so far from where Rory wants him to be... It's all just become too much to deal with. It might set her back a bit, but she needs time. Maybe it's the hormones, maybe it's just Rory overthinking. Either way, a break seems extremely appealing right about now.

Rory walks out of the kitchen with no clear direction in mind. Eventually, she finds herself in front of the television, staring blankly at the old movie that's playing. She rolls her eyes and turns it off when it does nothing to entertain her. The staircase leading upstairs catches Rory's attention and she closes the distance, walking up the steps and toward the nursery. Jess finished painting it a while ago, but everything still needs to be put together and set up.

All of the gifts from the shower, and from her day out with Jess, are sitting in the corner just waiting to be unpacked. In desperate need for a distraction, Rory rushes to take everything out of the bags until she's completely surrounded by blankets, bottles, pacifiers, toys - you name it, it's probably there. Rory pauses as she crumples the last bag, and takes a look around the room. Her reality suddenly becomes all the more real to her and she can feel her heart rate pick up.

She's really doing this, then. No going back. She's about to become a mother in two short months, and she'll have to do it all alone, just like her mom - kind of. In spite of having a whole town backing her, Rory feels utterly alone. Can she really do this by herself, without a partner? Other moms do it all the time, but what if she can't? What if she's the weak link? Surrounded by the baby's belongings, Rory lays down on the floor and curls into a fetal position. She feels tears starting to form behind her eyelids as she closes them, trying to breathe through her nervous breakdown.

**********************************

The tears continue to fall freely until Rory feels someone hook their arms underneath her. She quickly wipes at her cheeks, sniffling loudly. The person who found her scoops Rory into their lap, running their hands over her damp hair. Rory blinks through some leftover tears and sees her mom's eyes, so similar to her own, staring back at her.

"Kid, what happened?" she asks in a gentle tone.

Rory shakes her head and rests her cheek on her mom's thigh. Lorelai doesn't push her to answer as she settles in for the long haul, getting as comfortable as she can. A strangled sob leaves Rory after her best efforts to keep it in. Lorelai's heart aches for her daughter while she cradles Rory's head to her middle, consoling her.

Bags and belongings for the baby are askew in one big, deformed circle around where she found Rory, curled up as much as her growing stomach would let her. If Lorelai had to guess, she'd say that the amount of things for the nursery and baby overwhelmed Rory, her reality crashing into her like an abundance of waves. And worst of all, she was alone. Lorelai mentally scolds herself for not being there for her daughter when she needed her most.

Soon, Rory's cries slow and die down, and her breathing begins to even out. When several moments go by without hearing anything from Rory, Lorelai glimpses down at her daughter to find her sound asleep. Feeling more than slightly distressed over the state her daughter is in, Lorelai doesn't move her, afraid of bringing on another round of tears. She simply leans back against the wall, reaching for a fleece blanket that's originally meant for the baby, to place between her back and the hard surface. She could be here for a while.

**********************************

Rory is embarrassed when she wakes up the next day, sprawled out on the floor, mere inches from where her mother was sitting, neck tilted at an awkward angle. She hasn't cried in her mother's lap like that since Dean broke up with her for the first time or since her first relationship with Logan was questioned. It doesn't help Rory's guilt that her mom woke up with a kink in her neck, either. After apologizing and thanking her multiple times - and coffee, lots of coffee (only one cup for Rory, unfortunately) - Lorelai and Rory pulled themselves together as best they could, and drove to Rory's last monthly doctor's visit. Following today, it'll be recommended to have at least one visit every two weeks.

Rory sits atop the table as the nurse takes her blood pressure. She lazily looks around the room, even though she's seen the same layout for months now. The girl makes a noise in the back of her throat, which draws Rory's attention back to her. It didn't sound all too convincing, nor positive. For the second time in two days, panic floods through her. Rory's breath hitches as she waits for the bad news - because it just _has_ to be bad news, especially judging from the frown that the nurse is currently wearing.

"What? What is it?" Rory anxiously pushes.

The girl undoes the blood pressure monitor and takes another look at Rory's medical file. Rory gnaws on her lower lip in a nervous fashion while Lorelai glances up, her mother's interest clearly piqued. The nurse makes another noise, but never elaborates. Rory barely manages to bite her tongue. She's _this_ close to losing her patience.

"Your file says that you made a note of swelling from the last couple of times you were here. Does that sound accurate to you?"

"Yes, but what does that have to do with my blood pressure?"

The nurse smiles politely at Rory, closing her file for now. She excuses herself from the room, simultaneously leaving Rory a nervous wreck. Is something wrong with her? Worse, is something wrong with her son? As if sensing Rory's nerves, Lorelai reaches out to grip her shaking hand, though it does little to actually comfort Rory.

After minutes pass by like hours, Dr. Tanner walks in. She greets the Gilmores before skimming Rory's file. She makes the same dissatisfied noise that the nurse made, only _sh_ _e_ expresses her concern, rather than keeping Rory in the dark. Dr. Tanner takes a seat on a low chair that has wheels, rolling over to meet Rory.

"How have you been feeling, Rory?"

"Fine, I guess." She decides to leave out her emotional breakdown from last night. It probably won't help her case.

"Still experiencing a little swelling?"

"Sometimes, yeah."

Dr. Tanner hums in acknowledgment. "I see, and have you done anything recently to warrant a lot of stress?"

"Well, I - I've been a bit nervous lately about... all of it," Rory grudgingly mumbles, coming clean. "You know, with the baby, what kind of parent I'm going to be... That sort of thing."

"It's normal for expectant parents to worry, especially as they get closer to their due date. I am, however, slightly more worried in your case."

"What? Why?"

"There was quite the spike in your blood pressure this morning, and in addition to the swelling you've been experiencing... I'm concerned about the dangers involving pre-eclampsia."

Rory retracts, her nose scrunching in confusion. Dr. Tanner laughs lightly. It's a hearty, good-natured laugh, and it brings comfort to Rory to know she can find amusement in the arising situation.

"Pre-eclampsia can be a potentially dangerous pregnancy complication," she explains. "It's often characterized by high blood pressure."

Just like that, Rory's nerves are back and through the roof. "Oh."

"I wouldn't give you that diagnosis right away since we haven't noted a problem before now. Although, I would like you to lay low for a few days - possibly as long as a week - and try to avoid stressful situations. Can you do that?"

Her new job flashes in her mind, red flags shooting up, but this is her child's life they're talking about. She'd say that's more important. Rory nods without missing a beat.

"Good. I'm also going to ask to see you sooner than usual to see if we can rule out pre-eclampsia, after you've rested and took time for yourself."

Rory wordlessly nods again. What does she say, no? Dr. Tanner grins and instructs her to lay back on the table so they can get the actual appointment started. She does as she's told, the paper crinkling beneath her. Unconsciously, Rory clasps her hands over her lower stomach. She swallows harshly and tries to push her worries to the side. Everything's going to be fine. It has to be.

**********************************

As soon as they get home, Lorelai sends Rory to her bedroom, immediately getting her started on bed rest. Rory hates the idea of being confined to her bed with not much to do, but she goes willingly. This isn't about her, so much as it is about her son's safety and health.

Rory crashes on her bed, on top of the blankets, and calls work to let them know about her condition. She speaks with Matthew, who is more than understanding. He tells Rory to take as much time as she needs, and that Truncheon looks forward to having her back when she's ready. After she gets off the phone with Matthew, Rory considers calling Logan to keep him updated like she promised, but the doctor _did_ say she technically doesn't have pre-eclampsia. No need to worry Logan if there's nothing to worry about, especially when Rory can worry enough for the both of them for the time being.

She exhales heavily, her phone balancing atop her bump. Rory closes her eyes and snuggles deeper into the blankets, willing herself to fall asleep. At least she won't have to think about everything that's up in the air, if she's out for the count.

**********************************

Lorelai takes a good look around the living room. She called in everyone she knew for this. Luke, Miss Patty, Babette, Kirk, Taylor, Lane, Paris. They're all standing in the middle of the small room, cramped together. Lorelai paces slowly in front of them with her arms locked behind her.

"All right, here's the deal," Lorelai announces. She speaks loud enough for everybody to hear, but quiet enough so she doesn't wake Rory, in case she's sleeping. "You're all here to keep an eye on Rory. Not at the same time, obviously. We'll take shifts."

"Why do we have to look after Rory? Has something happened to her? The baby?" Taylor asks quickly, a look of fear on his face.

"No, not yet. The doctor is worried about her condition, so she's put her on bed rest for the week. That's why you're here - to make sure she stays in bed, and so I don't go out of my mind from boredom of just staring at her, even though she's pretty to look at. I mean, she is my daughter, after all."

"Lorelai," Luke says, reminding her to stay on track.

"Right. Anyway, I'm establishing what I like to call, Rory Watch."

Everyone involved nods as they gather together to talk shifts. The front door opens and closes in the midst of their conversation, and Lorelai peeks over Kirk's shoulder to see who it is. Jess drops his bag in the corner and sheds his jean jacket, hanging it on the hook.

"Oh, good. You're here," Lorelai cheers, rushing forward to fill Jess in.

"A Rory Watch?" he asks when Lorelai finishes speaking.

"Yup, and you have the night shift."

"Now, wait a minute. I just got here -"

"Exactly," Lorelai promptly cuts him off. "You were the last one here, so you don't get a say. Sorry, buddy."

Jess scoffs amusedly as Lorelai walks off to join the rest of the group. He rolls his eyes, but sticks around, anyway. He just got in from Philly, so it's not like he had anything planned. Besides, it's Rory. The very same Rory he'd do just about anything for. Where else is he going to go? So, Jess heads back to his bag and grabs a book to read in order to kill time. Night shift begins in about six hours. 

**********************************

Jess sits in the plush chair that's next to Rory's desk. His book lays finished and closed shut on the corner of said desk while he watches Rory rest. She's been sleeping for the whole Rory Watch gig, so it wouldn't surprise Jess if she slept through his shift, too. He glances at his watch. It reads 11 PM.

Rory jerks in her sleep, kicking the blankets further off her bed. Jess stays perfectly still, afraid of disturbing her. She groans and turns on her side, facing him. Slowly, her eyes begin to open until she's staring directly at Jess.

"Jess?"

"Did you know you talk in your sleep?" It's more like incoherent mumbling, but Jess exaggerates for his own benefit.

"I do not talk in my sleep," Rory defends while she sits up, stretching. "What are you doing here? Last I knew, you were in Philly."

"Yeah, I got back this afternoon. I was roped into some Rory Watch thing, though, before I could do much."

"Oh, no. She didn't."

"She did." Jess smirks, getting up to sit on the edge of Rory's bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired. Hungry. Grumpy."

"What are you, one of the seven dwarfs?"

Rory cracks a smile, playfully shoving at Jess' shoulder. He grins back at her and stands, pointing a stern finger at her when she tries to follow.

"I'll make some food. Stay put."

"But -"

"I don't want to hear it."

"Jess, you don't -"

"What's that? I can't hear you," Jess talks louder, plugging his ears while he walks out of Rory's room.

Rory grumbles under her breath and pushes herself up the bed so she's leaning back against her pillows. She reaches for her laptop on the side table and opens it, bringing up a new browser. Rory searches for Netflix and starts _The Breakfast Club,_ a movie she's seen many times. Jess walks back into the room with a plate of grilled cheese sandwiches, thirty minutes later. He hands her the plate of food and plops down next to her.

"What are you watching?"

" _The Breakfast Club,_ " Rory answers, mouth already full of food.

"Hulu has a much better selection."

"I can only pay for so many streaming sites."

Jess chuckles lightly and takes the laptop from her, typing Hulu's website into the browser. Rory lets him and continues to eat. She's hungrier than she thought. Jess sets the computer down between them, reaching for a sandwich for himself.

"This isn't Hulu."

"I changed my mind."

"And you chose _Vertigo_ instead?" Rory narrows her eyes at him. "You hate this movie."

"But won't it be entertaining to make fun of it?"

Rory shakes her head at him, but Jess catches the smile she gives him. She starts the movie up, offering Jess another sandwich. He accepts and they both lean back against the mountain of pillows, the opening credits filling the screen.

She doesn't tell him that this is the movie that was on last night, prior to her breakdown. It does nothing for Rory, just like the night before, but this time around, it manages to hold her attention. It's not that the movie suddenly became interesting, but it's that she's with Jess, and with Jess, everything seems a little better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we've officially reached the halfway mark of this fic! It feels like time has passed by so quickly, but there's still a lot more ground left to cover. Hope you'll stick around for the last half.


	17. who could ever leave me, darling, but who could stay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory's uncertainty of being a single mother grows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some foreshadowing in this chapter if you pay close attention...
> 
> Kind of a filler chapter, but the next one is going to be so much better, I think. Hope you enjoy. <3

Luckily, Rory's blood pressure returns to normal after a week on bed rest. Dr. Tanner relies on her medical background and the information provided, and decides not to diagnose Rory with pre-eclampsia. Although, she does tell her to try and limit her hours at work, and how long she's on her feet for. She also requests that Rory continue to avoid stressful situations. Rory promises to follow her instructions - after she lectured her mother about the Rory Watch thing, which surely got her BP up.

It's now two weeks after Rory was given the okay from her OBGYN, and she's taking advantage of the time she _can_ be on her feet by walking around town with Lane and her family. Rory shoots daggers at the twins, who smile almost wickedly back at her. She still has nightmares about the time she watched over them.

"So, I was thinking..." Rory starts while she and Lane trail Zack and the boys. "Would you consider being my son's godmother?"

"Rory!"

Lane stops short and grasps Rory by the arms, shaking her animatedly. Rory grins widely in return. It was the reaction she was hoping for.

"Of course I'll be the godmother!" Lane exclaims, looping her arm through Rory's. They continue walking, slowly catching up to the rest of their group. "Are you excited? Your due date must be close."

Rory laughs nervously and runs her free hand over the side of her large bump. She catches a glimpse of the twins wreaking havoc on Zack as they tug on both of his arm, and thanks God for small mercies. At least she's not having twins of her own.

"He's supposed to come the first week of June," Rory confirms. "I still have two months at most to prepare."

Lane purses her lips, slowing her stride. "You didn't answer my question, though."

Rory remains silent while she watches the concrete change to blacktop, and then concrete again, while they cross the street.

"I'm excited, I am. But... I'm a ball of nerves, too," Rory confides. "I'm so scared that I'm going to... I guess, ruin him somehow."

"This is about the single parent thing, isn't it? Rory, you can't think like that. You're going to be one of the best moms out there, and you're going to do it all by yourself."

 _Yeah,_ Rory thinks. _That's what I'm afraid of; being alone, not being enough for my son._ Despite her persistent thoughts and fears, Rory thanks Lane. She knows Lane is only trying to help and it wouldn't be fair to take her concerns out on her best friend.

"Lane! A little help here!" Zack shouts from a few feet ahead of them. The boys each have a portion of Zack's shirt gripped in their hands, and are pulling in opposite directions.

"Oh, not again," Lane mutters. "I should -"

"It's fine," Rory assures her. She nods in Zack's direction. "Go do your thing."

Lane smiles appreciatively at Rory and jogs the distance between them and the boys. Rory watches from afar while Lane and Zack take care of their children. _Together._ Rory's throat tightens and she can't help but feel a little jealous, knowing that she'll never have that. A partner, an equal. Instead, it'll just be her and a bouncing baby boy. Not that it's such a bad thing, but she has to admit, it's not the picture perfect family she once imagined for herself as a young girl. She wanted something different for her kid, but it's starting to seem like all she can offer her son is her best, and hope that it's enough.

**********************************

After Lane and Zack took the twins home for lunch, Rory decided to head back to her own house. She pushes open the door, only to be met with a lot of clanging and loud noises. Pausing in the entryway, Rory spots her mom on the sofa.

"Is something dying up there?" Rory shouts over the clanking.

"Luke is working on putting furniture together for the nursery, but he claims to be against instructions," Lorelai yells back, patting the cushion next to her. Rory happily plops down. That walk around town was enough to get her feet aching. "What's your bet?"

Rory chokes out a laugh and thinks about it. "Five bucks says he doesn't last more than ten minutes."

"Nice. I'll take that." They shake on it, smiling like little kids.

Rory turns her attention to the movie playing on the television, subtitles on, and Lorelai does the same. Eventually, the house becomes quiet again. On cue, ten minutes later, Luke storms down the staircase and grumbles a couple profanities before leaving. Lorelai chuckles and gets up to give Rory her well-earned money.

**********************************

About half an hour after Luke leaves, someone else knocks on the door. They don't wait for an answer prior to entering the Gilmore home. Rory turns her body as much as she can to see Jess. He takes the instruction manual that Lorelai hands him and nods at Rory in passing, heading upstairs.

A wave of gratefulness passes through Rory, mixing painfully with her guilt. She appreciates everything that everybody has done for her, more than she can ever explain, but _Jess_ doesn't even live here. Yet, whenever he's in town, he somehow always makes time to work on the nursery or run errands for Rory if she isn't feeling too great. She loves him for it, but she also feels for him more than the others.

Unable to shake the incessant feeling, Rory tries and fails to stand. She falls back against the pillows and cushions. She huffs, blowing at strands of her hair that fell in her eyes. Rory looks to her mom for help, outstretching her arms. Lorelai drops what she's doing and rushes to help her daughter. She grabs Rory by the hands and pulls.

After a lot of pulling and pushing, Rory finally lands on her feet. She breathlessly thanks her mom and walks around her. Lorelai breathes heavily and sits back down on the couch, dramatically wiping at her brow.

Rory finds Jess in the nursery, a pen tucked behind his ear and his sleeves rolled up. He's studying the instructions on how to set up the panels of shelving, as they sit in pieces to his left. Rory knocks gently on the door and walks further into the room. Jess looks up and smiles slightly in greeting.

"Hey. You need something?" he asks as he stands up with a piece of shelving in hand.

"I just, um... I wanted to check on you."

"Me?"

"Yeah..." Rory tucks her hair behind her ear, taking a step closer to Jess while he works. "I mean, you're - you're still writing, right? Working on your book? Because you've been working here or with me, and I'd hate to think -"

"Relax, Gilmore. I've done plenty of writing in between Rory Watch." Jess glances over his shoulder in time to catch the eye roll Rory gives him. He grins, laughing to himself. "Besides, this is... more important."

Rory softens under Jess' stare, nodding to show that she's heard him - loud and clear. She walks around the room as Jess begins to work on hanging the wood panels. In the corner, Rory spots what's presumably another piece of furniture, with a white sheet covering it. Her fingers itch to yank the sheet off, her curiosity taking over her rationale.

"No, no, no. Don't look -"

Much to Jess' dismay, his protests are too late as Rory goes ahead and peaks underneath the sheet. She eventually removes the whole sheet of fabric until it sits at her feet. Her lips part as it dawns on her what Jess did.

"Is this my old crib? You fixed it?"

"It's not... It's not completely done."

"You fixed it?" Rory repeats in absolute awe.

"I might have performed a little TLC on the thing."

"You fixed it."

"I thought I'd save you the money on a new one. It was in okay condition. It just needed some attention."

Rory runs her fingertips over the smooth surface of the crib, more than a little giddy over the fact that Jess took the time to repair it. It was old and worn beforehand, but looking at it now, you would never know. True to his assumption, Rory _was_ going to buy a new crib for the baby, but now she doesn't have to.

"Thank you. Thank you so much."

Jess shrugs slightly, twirling the screwdriver in his hand. "No big deal. It gave me something else to do, and you got a crib out of it."

Rory bends to collect the sheet, covering the crib once again while Jess gets back to work, turning his back to her. She watches him work in comfortable silence, her heart feeling fuller than it did the afternoon of the baby shower. A smile spreads wide across her face at how much Jess has done for her, for her son. Just when she thinks he's done all that he can do, he takes it one step further, surprising her.

For a moment - one selfish, transient moment - Rory wishes she were carrying Jess' baby. It's not like she's trying to replace Logan or anything like that. Jess has proven himself time and time again, since finding out Rory is pregnant. Not that he ever had to.

She and Jess would be a team, conquering every fear and milestone as teammates. They'd be together. A family.


	18. how to stop loving you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess comes to a final decision concerning his second book, and makes one last request during his time in Philly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rory isn't in this chapter much. It's pretty much Jess-centric, but I figured I should do a timeline update anyway. It's the middle of April and Rory is about 33 weeks.
> 
> Enjoy!

Jess takes his last bag from Rory, their fingers brushing in the process. He thanks her and tosses the duffel in the backseat of his car, promptly closing the door behind him. He leans against the vehicle and puts his hands in his pockets, thumbs sticking out. Rory takes a step closer to him, shielding the bright sun from her eyes. They share a grin while Jess pushes off the car, the distance between them disappearing by the inch.

"Why does this feel like goodbye?" Rory asks quietly, dropping her hand as Jess' form blocks the sunlight.

"It's not," he promises. "I'll be back in a week. Two weeks, tops. Unless Vic decides to kidnap me and keep me in Philly until I choose to publish my book."

Rory laughs lightly. "I still don't understand why you won't just publish it. You've worked so hard, I know you have. Wouldn't it be nice to have all that hard work validated?"

"I'm not in it for validation. Especially not with this book." Jess shrugs and kicks at the pavement in front of Luke's.

"Fair enough. It is your work, so I guess you have the last say - even though I _am_ dying to read something new from you."

When Jess told Vic and everyone else at Truncheon that he was withdrawing his second book from the publication process, it wasn't exactly pretty. Chris and Matthew understood, of course, but Jess hasn't published a full book in years. Despite the fact that he's kept readers at bay with snippets of other works, certain employees at Truncheon and Vic weren't too happy with the decision.

Jess glances down at his watch and gestures to his car. "I should probably get going."

"Right, of course."

Neither make a move, both looking like they want to hug each other goodbye - for now. Rory coughs uncomfortably and stumbles backward, waving at Jess. He chuckles softly and returns the movement as he gets in his car.

"I'll be seeing you, Gilmore."

"Bye, Jess."

Rory watches while Jess closes the door, the engine coming to life seconds later. She steps up onto the sidewalk and stares at the backend of the car as it heads down the street. She frowns to herself, resting her hands atop her belly. Rory feels the baby move a little, a gentle kick coming from her left side.

"Yeah, I'll miss him, too," she mutters down at her bump. She runs a hand over her side and looks back up to see a trail of dust and dirt, the only remaining physical evidence that Jess was ever here.

**********************************

Chris raises a couple fingers in the bartender's direction, indicating his desire for another round. The bartender nods and gets to work on his drinks. Jess leisurely sips his beer, pacing himself - unlike his friend.

"For someone who lives in Philadelphia, you sure spend a lot of time in Connecticut," Matthew says over the loud noise coming from the group next to them. Jess gives the group a once-over. They're a bunch of college kids, betting on an intense game of pool.

"Excuse me for having a life outside of you two."

"We forgive you," Chris teases. He pats Jess' cheek in a taunting manner before downing another shot, slamming the glass onto the surface when he's done. "If I had a secret girlfriend in Connecticut, I'd spend most of my time there, too."

Jess spares an eye roll. "First off, I wasn't apologizing, you dick. Secondly, Rory is not my girlfriend."

Chris and Matthew both shoot Jess a look that says they don't believe him for a second. Jess sighs heavily and takes another pull from his beer.

"She's not," Jess insists, leaning forward to look at both of them. "I find that I get a lot of writing done when I'm in Stars Hollow, so I drive up whenever I have the chance."

"That's a load," Matthew snorts. Chris sputters on his shot, dark brown liquid spewing on the bar's countertop. Matthew scolds his friend with a slap to the chest before turning his attention back to Jess. "If your drunken ramblings - rare as they may be - are anything to go by, you have been in love with that girl since you saw her. Just swallow your pride and move back."

Jess doesn't protest against Matthew's suggestion as he finishes off his second beer of the night. Truth be told, he's been thinking about moving back for a while now. Jess picks at the peeling label on his bottle, clearly stalling.

"You know she's pregnant?"

"Actually, yeah. She called me when she had to be put on bed rest," Matthew answers.

"How busy did you get while you were there?"

Jess shakes his head, tossing a piece of his napkin at Chris for his comment. Chris howls with laughter, throwing his head back and clutching his stomach.

"It's not mine, idiot."

" _Oooh,_ but you want it to be yours," Chris drawls once his amusement subsides enough to reply, waggling his eyebrows in a drunken manner. "It's written all over your face."

Jess doesn't confirm nor deny that theory. He simply orders another beer while Chris heads to the restroom. Matthew slides over one chair so he's next to Jess. He nudges Jess' shoulder, tapping his glass of beer to the new bottle the bartender just handed Jess.

"Don't let your fear get in the way," Matthew advises. It's quiet enough for only Jess to hear, but loud enough that Jess actually understands what he's saying over everything else happening in the bar.

Jess scoffs. "I'm not scared."

Matthew's mouth tilts upward in a suggestive grin. He downs his drink prior to replying. "Then why are you here, when you and just about everyone else know that you should be there?"

**********************************

Five days have passed since Matthew's "word of the wise" moment, and Jess isn't any closer to making a decision regarding his living situation. His mind is filled with scrambled thoughts of Rory, the baby, Truncheon. He feels suffocated in his small apartment, so he opts for a walk in an attempt to clear his head.

Jess ends up in front of one of his favorite places in Philly - Charlie's Cheesesteaks & Cheesecakes. He pulls the door open and as soon as Charlie sees him, he waves Jess over.

"Been a while," Charlie says in placement of a greeting. "Where's that girlfriend of yours? She taking good care of you like I asked her to?"

Jess can't help but grin a little in Charlie's presence. "I'm still standing, aren't I?"

Charlie huffs out a broken, wheezy laugh. He shakes a finger in Jess' direction, silently telling Jess that he got him there.

"Your order will be done soon."

"You didn't even ask me how I wanted my cheesesteak."

"Son, you've been coming here since you first got into town, and you always order the same thing with the same toppings. You think I don't know what you want?"

Jess nearly laughs at the irony of Charlie's words. He wishes the old man could tell him what he wants, because he sure as hell doesn't know.

"So, what's been keeping you from me?" Charlie asks, leaning on the edge of the counter.

Jess sighs and rubs at the nape of his neck. "Been busy with writing."

"Well, make sure to come up for air every now and then. I need someone to talk to that's not Margie," Charlie juts his thumb over his shoulder at the waitress in question, "so I don't go insane."

"Yes, sir."

"Don't 'yes, sir' me, boy. How old do you think I am?"

Jess snickers while Charlie goes off to fetch Jess his order. He takes a moment to look around the place, committing every bit of the place to memory in case he ever does leave Philadelphia. Jess' eye catches multiple framed photographs, hanging above a booth. He's seen them before, but he hasn't truly _looked_ at them until now. Jess gets up to get a closer view, Charlie finding him minutes later with a cheesesteak wrapped in foil, ready to go and in hand. Jess thanks him and accepts the food.

"Have you always lived in Philly?" Jess points at the photos on the wall.

"Not always. I was born and raised in Colorado, and I met my Poppy there, too. We traveled a lot during our first fling." Charlie looks fondly at the multitude of images. They all feature a younger Charlie and his late wife, Poppy, in several different locations. "Poppy loved to travel, but I - I was a boy from Colorado, and I was happy there. So, we went our separate ways when the time came. I stayed close to home and Poppy landed in Philly somehow."

"If you stayed in Colorado, how'd you end up settled in Philadelphia - with Poppy?"

"When you're young and in love, you never want to be apart from your other half. Not for a week, not for a day, not even for a second." Charlie smiles widely and fiddles with his wedding ring, which he still wears even though Poppy died years ago. Jess nods, understanding the feeling well. "I packed everything I owned into the back of my car, just mere days after Poppy left for Philly, and I never looked back."

"No regrets, huh?"

"Not a one." Jess wordlessly continues to stare at the collection. "This is about a girl, isn't it? All this talk about traveling and love..."

Jess' lips quirk. He salutes Charlie in a joking fashion. "Thanks for the story, and the food."

Charlie huffs out another laugh. He's used to Jess' evasiveness by now. "You be good, Jess. Wherever you end up, you take care of yourself."

Jess pauses by the door, nodding once at Charlie in goodbye - whether it's for forever or only temporary, he doesn't know. Charlie tips his nonexistent cap in Jess' direction, bidding him farewell in return.

**********************************

Jess sits in the back room of Truncheon, where he, Vic, Chris, and Matthew can talk in private. Chris and Vic have been arguing for the last ten minutes, with Chris defending Jess' "honor" by respecting his decision not to publish his book, while Vic keeps ranting about all the reasons why Jess should publish it.

"All right!" Jess ultimately yells. Matthew sits back in his chair, more than a little amused. "Look, I'm _not_ publishing it. That's my final decision. I'll write another. Hell, I'll write a thousand more, so long as you shut up."

Chris glares at the side of Vic's head, but neither protests.

"Now that that's taken care of, onto other matters," Jess breathes, exhausted by all the arguing even though he hasn't said one word prior to now, "I... I would like to request a transfer to the Bristol branch, if possible."

Vic decides to push his luck and throw his two cents in, "Something there that's not here?"

Images of Rory flash behind Jess' eyes and Charlie's story fills his thoughts, until all he can think about is being back in Stars Hollow with his family - with Rory.

"Yeah, actually. There is," Jess answers earnestly. "So, is it plausible?"

"Now?" Chris chips in.

Jess shakes his head. "I'd still have to find a place and move all my stuff, which might take some time, but I want to start the process."

**********************************

Jess spends the next week cooped up in his apartment, writing and packing - mostly writing. He ends up finishing his second book that won't ever see the light of day, if only so he could feel a sense of accomplishment. He puts together the manuscript and puts it carefully in his duffel. His fingers graze the rough fabric of the green bag and Jess recalls how his fingers brushed Rory's the day he left for Philly.

He pulls out his phone and sends a quick text, checking to see how Rory's doing. A second later, as if she was waiting for his message, Jess' phone rings. He answers almost immediately and Rory jumps into conversation just as fast.

"I'm fine, but Luke still refuses to use the instruction manuals, and my mother and I are basically helpless." Rory exhales on the other end and Jess can just imagine that little pout she does when she's bothered.

"You know, Gilmore, I think I'm starting to see your agenda. You only need me so the nursery gets done."

"You caught me," Rory laughs. "Anyway, when will you be home?"

Jess' stomach flips, an odd occurrence for him, at the word _home._

He drags his teeth over his bottom lip, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Sooner than you think."


	19. is it too late to bring us back to life?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess returns to Stars Hollow. Rory witnesses something unexpected during an impromptu movie night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is on the short side and is a huge filler. Next chapter will be action-packed, though, so enjoy the calm while you can.

Rory pulls into the driveway, puts the car in park, and cuts the ignition. She leans back into the driver's seat and relishes in the silence for a moment. She's officially on maternity leave since she's - hopefully - coming up on her last month of being pregnant. Leave consists of sixteen weeks in Connecticut, so she'll return to Truncheon sometime in August. Today was her last full day at the Bristol branch until then, and she just saw her doctor for her biweekly appointment. Needless to say, she's had quite the day, overall. Rory's ready to just go inside and rest until dinner.

Inside, Rory sets her bag down in the hall and steps out of her shoes. On her way to her bedroom, she catches a glimpse of a denim jacket hanging on the coat rack. The piece of clothing doesn't belong to her mother, Luke doesn't wear anything but plaid, and it surely doesn't belong to Rory. Which means... _Jess._

"Jess?" Rory shouts into the seemingly empty house. She practically waddles to the banister and inwardly cringes at all of the steps. Have there always been that many stairs? No way is she climbing them, only to walk back down minutes later. "Jess! Are you here?"

A beat passes before Jess' head peaks around the corner at the top of the stairs. He grins and bounds down the steps. At the bottom of the staircase, Jess opens his mouth to greet Rory, but she takes him by surprise and throws her arms around him in a tight hug. It's the hug she should have gave him before he left for Philly. Jess staggers back at the unexpected force, hesitating a second prior to returning the hug, hooking his arms around her.

"You're back." Rory smiles into the crook of his neck.

"I'm back," he confirms, his chest swelling with something like adoration - something he only seems to feel around Rory.

"I know you were only gone for two weeks, but it felt..."

"You flatter me, Gilmore. You mean to say that you missed me?"

Rory pulls back enough to look at Jess properly, never dropping her touch. She playfully scowls at him and he smirks, not objecting when she goes in for another hug. Rory's shoulders sag in Jess' hold. She feels so comfortable, so content, here in his arms. The only thing that gets her to really pull away is a jolt of discomfort coming from her lower right side. Jess is able to feel the baby kick due to their close proximity, holding Rory at arm's length.

She retracts her touch and grasps at her stomach, crinkling her nose in dissatisfaction. "God, I cannot wait for this part to be over."

"That bad, huh?"

"He's been kicking at me all day. I just hope he's calmer once he's... you know, out."

Jess nods in understanding and helps walk Rory toward the sofa so she can rest. She sinks into the cushions and closes her eyes, feeling another flutter of kicks. Jess can't do anything but stare. The kick he felt against his own stomach was... strange. He can't imagine what it must feel like for Rory. She opens her eyes and her lips twitch when she catches Jess looking.

"Do you... Would you... uh, want to feel?"

Jess freezes like a deer in headlights while Rory tentatively reaches for his hand that's laying on the couch. She covers his lightly scarred knuckles with her palm and guides his hand toward her bump, gently unclenching his fist until it's settled on her right side - where the baby's been kicking the most today. Jess and Rory wait in heavy silence, and then as if he knows he's being waited on, the baby kicks twice in quick succession.

Jess laughs breathlessly in simultaneous amazement and astonishment. He's never felt anything like this, not even before, when he felt the kick against his side. A grin spreads across Rory's features as she meets his stare. Even after the baby seems to have calmed down, they stay like that for who knows how long.

"Well, you two make a pretty picture."

Jess immediately drops his hand back to his side and stands as if he's been shocked. Lorelai stands near the door, bag still in hand. Jess silently motions toward the staircase, makes an excuse about getting back to work, tripping over his feet as he hurries to leave.

"Was it something I said?"

"Yes," Rory grumbles.

**********************************

Jess stands back to appreciate his handiwork.

Rory wasn't lying - Luke _really_ doesn't like instruction manuals. When Jess first entered the nursery, everything was askew and in pieces, just waiting to be put together. Luckily, he believes in instructions and was able to get the dresser done, and he finishes cleaning up the crib. He just needs to do a few more things and then the nursery will be finished.

Downstairs, he hears the door close and his Uncle Luke's voice. Jess wipes his hands free of any leftover mess and turns the light off, heading down the stairs. In the living room, Rory is where he left her, with the television on. At the sight of Jess, Rory smiles his way and sits up.

"Hey, my mom was about to come get you. Luke just brought some food over. You're welcome to stay for dinner."

Jess shrugs and walks closer, offering a helping hand to Rory. She takes it and together, they get her on her feet. "Well, I _do_ have to eat. I am a growing boy, after all."

Rory snorts and bumps his arm as they walk to the kitchen. "Guess that means you'll be staying for the movie marathon, too. There will be lots of snacks."

"When you put it like that..."

Rory smiles knowingly at Jess while he leaves her side to wash his hands. Lorelai nudges Rory, who knows she's been caught staring, and hands her a plate. Jess finishes washing up and accepts the other plate from Lorelai, as she tells them to dig in. The pair take a seat next to each other and do as their told, sharing one last smile before dropping their gazes.

**********************************

Jess ends up staying for movie night, after much convincing from Rory - he planned on staying, he just wanted to see her grovel a little bit for his own amusement. It was worth it. They take the couch while Lorelai and Luke are stuck on the floor, near the chair, with pillows tossed to the floor and blankets thrown over them.

Next to him, Rory is out cold. Her cheek is resting on his shoulder and Jess cranes his neck a little to check on her, chuckling quietly when she begins to ramble in her sleep. Poor thing didn't even make it through the second movie, not that he can blame her. The selection is purposefully horrible, and she's had a long day. Jess settles deeper into the sofa and closes his own eyes, falling asleep soon after.

**********************************

When Rory stirs awake, the digital clock near the television stand tells her that it's two in the morning. She tugs at the blankets that fell in her sleep, tucking them into her and Jess' side. Jess jerks in his sleep, a low snore falling from his lips. Rory stifles her laughter, cuddling into his side with the blanket wrapped around her.

Across the way, Rory can see the silhouettes of her mom and Luke. They appear to be sleeping, too, so Rory leans her head back. She watches a little bit of the movie before exhaustion starts to take over again. As Rory's eyes begin to close once more, she catches movement in the corner of the room. Her eyes snap open, and with the help of the faint glow coming from the television, Rory's able to make out Luke and Lorelai's forms. Maybe it's the exhaustion or maybe she's just plain imagining things now, but they look like they're getting... closer? Rory hears her mother laugh and shush Luke before leaning in the rest of the way.

Rory nearly lets out a noise of surprise when she sees them share a kiss. Her eyes widen and her breath catches. A hundred questions begin to surge through her mind. _What? When? How?_ Knowing that she can only keep up pretenses for so long, Rory quickly closes her eyes and pretends to be asleep, her mind racing from what she just witnessed.


	20. pain is just a consequence of love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory's water breaks. Jess runs into Logan at the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be aware that I am not a nurse, doctor, or even a med student. I have never had a child of my own and I have absolutely no prior knowledge as to how labor actually goes. I have done research for the purpose of this chapter and the next, but that's about it. The internet is not always right, so forgive me if I get something logically/medically wrong.

Rory lays still in her bed with her palms splayed across her bump. Her discomfort level has been at an all-time high since she woke up this morning, but what seems to be bothering her just as much - if not slightly more - is what she saw two weeks ago during movie night. In the back of her mind, several questions keep popping up, reminding her that she doesn't have any answers. Are her mom and Luke back together? Why wouldn't she tell Rory? Her lack of comprehension about the situation only seems to add to Rory's distress. Squirming on her back in an effort to get comfortable, Rory huffs loudly and slams her hands down on the sheets, giving up.

"Maybe I should call the doctor," Lorelai suggests, announcing her presence. When Rory told her about the aches and pains she's experiencing, her mother immediately called the inn and told them that she'll be staying home. "Dr. Tanner might have a few tips in making the pain more tolerable."

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

"I'll be right back. Yell if you need me."

Lorelai turns her back and leaves Rory's bedroom. Rory waits roughly three seconds before she yells, "Mom!" and Lorelai comes running back into the room, cell phone in hand. Her mother's eyes dart around the room previous to landing on an amused Rory.

"What? What's wrong?"

Rory grins shamelessly. "Nothing, just seeing if it works."

"Oh, you think you're _so_ funny, don't you?"

Lorelai glares at her daughter, stepping back out of the room to call Dr. Tanner's office. After a couple minutes of listening through the open door and thin walls, Rory sighs and looks back up at her ceiling, mulling over the events that unfolded during movie night. For an instant, all thoughts and possibilities of her mom and Luke leave Rory's mind, as a dull ache throbs at her lower stomach. She breathes through the cramping, clenching her jaw as she does. Rory releases a calming breath as the pain leaves her system.

Eventually, Rory closes her eyes, thinking that she might feel better if she gets some rest. It'll give her a break from the hundreds of thoughts racing through her mind, too. She's nearly asleep when another burst of smarting hits her. A groan leaves Rory and she sits up, hunching over at the affliction.

"Mom!" she yells through the serious discomfort.

"Nice try, kid!" Lorelai shouts back.

"No, I'm serious!"

A crash sounds out from the kitchen and then Lorelai can be seen running into Rory's bedroom. She rushes to her daughter's side just as she tries to get out of bed. Lorelai helps her out of bed, letting Rory grip her hand while she suffers through the fit of pain.

"I don't know how to say this without you overreacting," Lorelai mumbles, hooking an arm around Rory to steady her, "but Dr. Tanner seems to believe that you're in the stages of early labor."

"What?" Rory practically screeches.

"Honey, the signs are all there. Cramping, backaches, mild to moderate contractions."

"But -"

"The good news is, it's the most comfortable stage compared to active labor."

Rory can feel herself start to pale. "And the bad news?"

"It could last hours, and I mean, _hours._ So, you're going to have to stay here and breathe through it all until your water breaks."

Rory whines and rests her clammy forehead against her mother's arm. Lorelai makes a face of disgust, but it's gone as quickly as it appeared. She has to think of the bigger picture here. Rory needs her.

"So, what do I do now?" Rory asks, her words muffled by the fabric of Lorelai's shirt.

"I'm going to time your contractions, but it's best for you to do things as you normally would." Lorelai shrugs, sympathizing with Rory. "The doctor advised that you rest, but you can walk around a bit, too. It's... It's really just one big waiting game."

_Oh, good. Just what Rory wanted to hear._

**********************************

"How far apart was that one?" Rory manages, breathing heavily.

"Seven minutes," Lorelai answers with a frown.

Rory fusses and sits up again, for what seems like the hundredth time. She needs to walk it off. She's been resting for nearly an hour and her frustration is only growing by the minute. Lorelai helps Rory out of bed, knowing the drill. They've been at this for eight hours. It's now seven in the evening, yet they're still so far from where they want to be. Rory wobbles off, stretching her back as she goes. Lorelai inhales sharply, causing Rory to stop short, turning around slowly.

"What?"

"Okay, kid. Don't panic, but I think your water broke."

"What?" Rory just about shrieks, frantically looking over Lorelai's shoulder to see the evidence. "I thought you said, seven minutes."

"Well, now that your water has broke, your contractions will start coming faster."

"No. No, no, no." Rory shakes her head adamantly. She almost sits back down on the end of her bed, but thinks better of it.

"Rory, this is good! We've been at this for hours. _It's time._ "

"It hasn't even been forty weeks yet. I don't think... I'm not ready."

"Honey, you're ready. Okay? You have the bag, you took the classes, read the books. You have the birth plan we put together. You're ready."

Rory's fear makes her forget about the pain momentarily. "But the nursery isn't even put together! I have three more weeks left to prepare -"

"You," Lorelai hastily interrupts. She wraps an arm around her daughter as Rory hobbles to the front door, "are in labor. Stay here. I'll get the bag and call the hospital."

"Oh, yeah. Like I'll go very far."

**********************************

Rory stares at the clock on the dashboard of the car, timing her contractions while trying to mentally prepare herself. While driving, Lorelai uses the convenient bluetooth to dial Luke's. Rory feels another contraction coming - still seven minutes apart - at the same time Luke answers. Lorelai is too busy helping Rory through it, that she misses when he picks up the phone.

"Hello? Lorelai?"

"Rory's water broke! We're on our way to the hospital."

"What, she's having the baby?" Luke says loudly.

"I'd bet anything that most of Stars Hollow is in the diner right now, which means they heard."

Luke doesn't reply immediately. There's a long pause on the other end and then, "If half of Stars Hollow shows up, it's not my fault."

"Yeah, well. You're just lucky that I have more people to call. Make sure you tell Jess."

"I will. We'll see you there."

**********************************

Jess curses as he gets stuck at yet another red light.

"I'm sorry?" his real estate agent, Andrea, says.

"Er, that wasn't directed toward you. My bad." Jess exhales and rubs at his eyes. "Look, can you just hold the apartment for me?"

Andrea sighs on the line. The light turns green and Jess guns it, flying down the road on his way back to Connecticut. He's spent the last few days in Philly, gathering up some of his belongings. He'd probably be finished packing by now, if it weren't for the fact that he feels homesick each time he leaves Stars Hollow. It's a weird feeling, one Jess isn't necessarily fond of.

"I can do my best, Jess."

"That's all I need to hear. Thanks."

"Please try to get back to me with a _real_ answer soon. I mean it."

"Yes, ma'am. Thanks again. Talk later." Jess anxiously taps his fingers against the steering wheel.

"Take care."

Jess disconnects the phone call. He's barely off the phone when it starts to ring again, Luke's name flashing on the screen. Jess contemplates ignoring his Uncle Luke, only because he doesn't want any more distractions, but his uncle doesn't call him all that often. It must be important.

"Yeah?" Jess answers.

"Rory's in labor."

Jess' eyes widen and he presses on the gas pedal just a tick further. "What? He's not supposed to come for another three weeks, at least."

"I know that, Rory knows that, we _all_ know that. He doesn't seem to know that, though."

"Jeez." Jess blows out a breath and sees the signs beginning to change, meaning that he's getting close. "All right. I'll, uh, I'll meet you there."

"You sound distracted."

"Just... I have to take care of a thing or two before then."

"Jess, she's in labor. She'll want to know you're there. Hell, that we're all there."

"And I will be. It's not like Rory's going to pop him out and send us home, okay? I'll call when I'm on my way."

There's the sound of rustling on Luke's end before he half-heartedly says, "Do what you have to. I'll see you there."

**********************************

Rory's contractions are four minutes apart now, and she's only three centimeters dilated. She's since been set up in her own hospital room and changed into a gown. Lorelai was kind enough to call everyone that needed to be contacted - Emily, Sookie and Jackson, Lane, Paris, Christopher - who said he had work to attend to and wouldn't be able to make the birth. He did send his congratulations, though.

Lorelai even called Logan for Rory, much to her chagrin, who has been in town for the past week in case something like this happened. He said he'd be right over as soon as he wrapped up a few business opportunities.

"You should see the waiting room," Lorelai laughs. She hands Rory her requested ice chips. "It looks like half the town really did show up to witness the birth of your child."

"Was, um... Was Jess there?"

Lorelai purses her lips knowingly. "No, I don't think so. He wasn't with Luke."

"Oh. Okay."

Rory tilts the cup back and munches on a few ice chips. The nurses have recommended that she eat light foods like Jell-O, applesauce, or ice chips - not that Rory would consider ice as food. Her past and current diet of takeout and junk food is coming back to haunt her right about now. They've also assured Rory that all other liquids should come through her IV.

Nearby, Lorelai is rummaging through Rory's baby bag, presumably double checking that they have everything. In the rare, relatively pain-free silence, the only sound coming from the television above - but even the volume is on low - Rory recalls what she saw two weeks ago. She clears her throat, pushing herself farther up the bed.

"Hey, mom?"

"Yeah?" Lorelai replies without facing Rory.

Rory fiddles with her fingers nervously. How does she go about this? Does she blurt it out? Does she try to ease into it? "I saw you and Luke kiss during movie night."

_Okay, blurt it out, it is._

Lorelai freezes and finally gives Rory her attention. She takes a seat on the sofa that the bag is placed on, looking oddly small. To Rory's surprise, her mother doesn't even try to deny it. Although, how could she? Rory knows what she saw with her own two eyes.

"Things are... better. We - It's like when we first started dating," Lorelai confesses. Her tone is softer and her eyes have this strange look in them. "We took time for ourselves and I think - I think this is it, kid. No more back and forth, up and down. He's... Luke is _it_ for me."

A gleeful smile tugs at Rory's lips. "I'm really happy for you, mom. I'm glad it all worked out."

"Me, too."

Another contraction breaks their heartfelt moment and Rory is forced to grip the handles of the bed as she fights through the ache. Lorelai hurries to her side and reaches for Rory's other hand, letting her daughter tighten her hold as much as she wants.

**********************************

Jess uses a spare towel to wipe at the sweat beading down his face. When he got to the Gilmore house, he knew it was going to be locked, but lucky for him, Jess knows where they hide the key. Inside, Jess immediately got to work on the nursery, not wasting a second. It took about an hour, but the nursery is officially complete - hanging mobile and all.

Jess takes a moment to appreciate his work before gathering all of his things. He quickly throws the tools into the toolbox, placing it outside the door for now. He turns off the light and all but runs down the stairs. It's a shock he doesn't fall and break something. Jess calls Luke on his way out, barely remembering to lock the door again, but he doesn't answer. Jess leaves a message that says he's on his way now and hurries toward his car.

He inhales a shaky breath, gathering himself, and then takes off for the hospital.

**********************************

As soon as the car is in park and the engine is off, Jess hops out of his car and runs toward the hospital doors. In his haste to get to the waiting room, to find out what's happening, Jess slams right into someone. He staggers back as the stranger begins to apologize profusely. Jess goes to interrupt them, tell them that it was his fault, until he recognizes who it is.

"Jack, was it?"

Jess rolls his eyes. He doesn't have time for this, and Logan _really_ shouldn't have time for this. Why isn't he with Rory? "Jess."

"Yeah, that's what I meant." Logan smirks condescendingly, putting his hands in his pockets like he has all the time in the world. "I take it you've been looking after Rory in my absence."

"Someone had to," Jess grits out.

"You know it's my kid, right? I mean, you _do_ know that, don't you?"

"Says the guy who's engaged to another woman."

"Oooh," Logan drawls, laughing for show. "You always were quick with the comebacks."

Jess works his jaw and attempts to push past Logan, but he catches Jess around the arm, holding him in place. If he really wanted to, Jess could easily take down Logan, but he doesn't want to - not here, anyway. Although, they are already at a hospital... His fists clench at the thought before they relax, his palms spread against the fabric of his jeans. He's better than this, better than Logan. Jess won't sink down to his level.

"You can try to be dad of the year all you want," Logan presses, leaning in close, making sure Jess hears him loud and clear. "But you can't deny biology, and you sure as hell can't deny the fact that I'll be the one in the actual room with Rory, while you wait with everyone else."

Jess nods, Logan's words getting to him more than he'd like to admit. Logan lets out another low chuckle and claps Jess on the back, like they're old friends that are in on a joke together.

"It was good to see you, Jack."

Jess doesn't bother in correcting him this time. Logan lifts his eyebrows, shooting Jess another patronizing stare, before heading into the hospital. Jess stays where he is, mere inches from the doors. His shoes feel like they're suddenly made of cement. He swallows Logan's harsh words and forces himself to walk forward.

This isn't about him right now. He can throw himself a pity party later. This is about being there for Rory.


	21. my everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surrounded by her loved ones, Rory welcomes the newest addition to the Gilmore family into the world.

The pain is torturous.

On her hands and knees, Rory lets out a scream as she hangs her head between her shoulder blades. It's been five long hours of active labor, and the last time someone checked on her, they told Rory that she's only eight centimeters dilated. As her screaming fades into a low groan, Rory can hear her grandmother beyond the door to her hospital room, voicing her complaints about how she's not allowed to be in the room with Rory right now.

"Oh my God!" Rory shouts. She buries her forehead into the blanket they gave her and grapples for the side of her gown, digging her fingernails into the fabric.

"What, another contraction?" Lorelai asks from her place at the front of the bed. "I bet you wish you took those drugs now."

"No! I mean, yes, but... Mom, I just realized - I forgot to pick a name."

Lorelai's amusement instantly vanishes. Her eyes widen and her jaw drops slightly just as Rory lets out another blood-curdling scream, leaning back on her haunches. Like all the ones previous to now, the contraction feels like it takes ages to pass, and by the time the ache finally recedes, Rory is panting.

"You forgot to choose a name?"

"Yes," Rory wheezes.

"For the baby."

"Yes."

"The baby you are literally in labor with right this second."

"Yes!" Rory glares up at her mother. She probably resembles a wild animal with her damp hair sticking to her flushed skin, her cheeks a bright shade of red, and her teeth marginally bared. "Mom, help!"

Lorelai hurries to collect herself and starts to list a bunch of names off the top of her head. At one point, she even whips out her phone and searches for ideas, but Rory ends up hating them. Every single one.

"God, no." Rory groans as the nurse comes back in to check on her, with Logan in tow. "You're so bad at this."

"Says the mother-to-be who forgot to choose a name for her baby."

"And so supportive, too," Rory adds with an eye roll.

Rory's assigned doctor, Dr. Gagnon by his name tag, walks in all suited up. He and Lorelai help Rory onto her back so he can determine whether or not she's ready to push. Logan stands near Rory's head while the doctor performs a brief examination.

"Did I hear your mom say you forgot to pick a name for the baby?"

"Shut up, Logan," Rory bites back through another burst of pain. She grabs at his shirt and yanks, so they're nearly nose to nose. "I don't see you with a list of names. I didn't see you preparing for parenthood or growing a literal human being inside you for the past nine months. You can either shut up or _get out._ You won't hurt my feelings with whatever you decide."

Logan visibly gulps as Rory slowly releases him. His shirt is partially wrinkled near the top, but it's a small price to pay considering how animalistic Rory currently appears. She probably could have done a lot worse. Logan takes it as mercy, and for that he's thankful. He clears his throat and smoothes his shirt as best he can, offering Rory his hand to hold onto. She eyes it like Logan has some sort of hidden agenda, and even considers pushing his hand away, before ultimately deciding to grasp it in her own.

"Rory," Dr. Gagnon interrupts, "your cervix is fully dilated, which means you can push whenever you want. You just have to give me a little warning so I can be set to help you."

Rory hesitates before nodding. She's absolutely terrified of the pain - she _really_ should have accepted those drugs when she was offered - but the excitement at meeting her son is starting to squash her fears. Lorelai settles in on Rory's other side and wipes at the hair in her face.

"Ready, honey?"

"Not really."

"Well, get ready. It's your call now."

Rory sets aside her panic and nods in the direction of Dr. Gagnon. He grins reassuringly and places his hands near her legs, ready to help guide the baby into the world. Rory closes her eyes for a moment and inhales deeply. Her muscles clench as she begins to push, squeezing tightly onto her mother and Logan's hands. After the initial push, Rory is about as breathless as a person can be, throwing her head back in agony and exhaustion.

"I know you're tired, Rory, but you're as strong of a woman as I've ever encountered," Dr. Gagnon encourages. "Your little boy is just waiting to meet you. Do you think you can give me a few more good pushes?"

Rory nods, tears forming in her eyes. It takes four more pushes and a lot of yelling until Dr. Gagnon cheers, telling Rory how good of a job she did. Rory is full on crying by the time it's all over. She uses what's left of her mental and physical strength to hold her head up, trying to get her first look at her son. It's only then does she realize how silent the room is.

"Why isn't he crying?" Rory presses.

There's another heavy pause and then a cry. Rory breathes out a sigh in relief. Once he's cleaned, a nurse hands Rory her son, and she holds him securely to her chest.

"He's perfect, Ace."

Rory glances up at Logan to meet his stare. Her tears are drying and her hair is still a mess, sticking to her cheeks, but she couldn't care less. Their son is here and he's as perfect as Logan said he is. Logan's mouth lifts in a wide grin, the realization of what they did in creating this beautiful boy, setting in.

"I'm sorry, but we have to take him now." One of the nurses cuts in, reaching for their child. Rory lets them take him without protest, yet she immediately misses the feel of him in her arms.

**********************************

Once she was stitched up, Rory begged and begged until Lorelai wheeled her to see her son. Logan had the opportunity to watch their son through the glass earlier, and recently volunteered to get real food that's not from the hospital.

Rory can hardly contain her excitement and nerves as she spots "baby boy Gilmore" front and center. While she takes in her new reality, Rory's attention keeps darting towards the sticker used to differentiate him from other babies. The fact that he doesn't have a name yet is starting to bother her. After all her planning, she really forgot to pick a name? Rory mentally scolds herself.

Everyone must expect her to incorporate something related to her late grandfather, Richard, in the name, but Rory is on the fence about all of it. She's torn between the sentiment of it all and the desire for her son to be his own person. Rory doesn't want him to grow up, thinking that he has to somehow live up to the people he was named after. She actually wishes her grandpa were here. Maybe he'd have some advice for her.

"I wish grandpa was here to see him."

Lorelai is taken by surprise to see where Rory's head is at, but she understands the feeling well. "Me, too."

"Do you think he looks like a Richard?"

"Who, grandpa?"

"No," Rory laughs. "The baby."

"Hey, I already threw my two cents in. This part is up to you, kid. Go with what you think is right."

Rory gently presses the pads of her fingers against the glass, her stare never leaving her son. A smile crosses her features as she thinks about how lucky she is to have so many people that care about her - and her son, even without a name. Suddenly, all of her fears and worries seem so small. Rory no longer feels alone. She knows this is how everything was supposed to be.

**********************************

On May 15, 2017 at 12:09 AM, Lucas Richard Gilmore-Huntzberger was born, weighing in at seven pounds and eighteen inches long. That's right - Rory _finally_ decided on a name. It's a bit of a mouthful, but she's happy with her decision. Lucas is back in Rory's hospital room now, sleeping soundly in his little bin.

Jess and Luke are the first ones to walk in, followed by Emily, Lane, and then Paris. Since Lorelai and Logan were in the room for the birth, and have already met Lucas, they step off to the side. Everybody has been advised to wash their hands prior to meeting the baby, and to avoid kissing him.

"Everyone," Rory speaks quietly so she doesn't disturb her son. She wheels the cart that the bin is on closer to her friends and family, "this is Lucas Richard Gilmore-Huntzberger."

"Quite the name," Lane says.

"Yeah, well... He was named after some of the most important men in my life."

Rory stares pointedly at Luke, who looks like he's seconds away from blubbering like a fool. She smiles and lifts a shoulder in a casual movement since she knows he doesn't do all that well with emotional moments. Must be a Danes/Mariano thing. Rory and Logan spoke about the name, and he seemed to be okay with it - especially the last name. Since they are going to share custody after all, Rory figured it was the right thing to do.

Emily steps forward and rests her palm on Rory's shoulder. "Your grandfather would have loved him. He'd be so proud of you, dear."

"Thanks, grandma."

Each person in the room gets a good look at Lucas and takes their time in fawning over him. Paris is the last one to meet him. She scrutinizes him, humming in thought.

"You could have done better." Offended, Rory goes to protest, but Paris cuts her off with a stern yet soft expression. "But you also could have done a lot worse."

"Thanks. I think?"

"You know where to find me the next time you want to have a child."

Paris slips Rory her card and Rory scoffs in amusement. Paris simply nods and turns on her heel, giving Lucas another once-over, before leaving the room. Rory looks to her mother, holding up the business card with raised eyebrows. Lorelai shakes her head, smiling. Rory shrugs and puts the card under her pillow for now.

What can she do? It's Paris. She's relentless.

**********************************

It's nearly seven in the morning, and mostly everyone has gone home by now. Logan stuck around to tend to Rory and the baby, while Lorelai went home with Luke to shower and change into new clothes. Rory is sure the waiting room has cleared out at this point. She's tired herself. She knows she should be resting, since she's likely to miss out on sleeping now that she's a mom, but she can't bring herself to miss a second of time with her son.

A soft knock sounds from outside the door and Rory turns on her back to see who it is. Logan walks in and takes a seat next to the bed. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. It's his serious appearance that has Rory sitting up.

"I think we should talk."

Rory dips her chin, crossing her arms loosely over her stomach. She's become so used to a large bump being there. It's weird, feeling and seeing it deflate as her body returns to its previous form. "Yeah, I suppose we should."

"So, uh... About Jess -"

"Oh, I thought we were going to talk about the custody thing. I mean, I know we agreed on me having primary custody and you making time whenever you can, but... I guess it's _this_ kind of talk."

"Yeah," Logan says timidly. "We can do this another time, if you want to rest."

"No, it's fine. Actually, I think we should have it now. While we're both here, face to face."

Logan takes a deep breath and meets Rory's gaze. She inclines her head, silently letting him know that he has the floor.

"All right." He nervously twists his clasped hands. "Jumping right in, then. Does he still have feelings for you?"

Rory fidgets in the somewhat uncomfortable bed. "I don't know."

"Well, how about an easier question? Do you have feelings for him?"

"...Yes."

"And hypothetically, if you two were to establish some kind of relationship, where - um, where do you see Jess fitting into all of this?"

Rory furrows her eyebrows and narrows her eyes. "All of what?"

"You know, Lucas' life. _Your_ life as his mother." Logan clears his throat awkwardly. He makes hand gestures in the air, as if Rory is supposed to know exactly what he's talking about. "You haven't thought about it?"

"No, I haven't. Not often, anyway." Red flags start to shoot up, Rory's walls shooting sky-high. She's starts to feel a little defensive on Jess' behalf.

"So, when you do think about it... What do you see?"

Rory scoffs lowly and pushes herself farther up the bed. A hard guise sets in, her jaw clenched.

"I don't mean to be rude or anything, but what right do you have to ask me these kind of questions?"

"Rory -"

"I'm serious, Logan. Because as far as I'm concerned, Jess has been there for me more than you have through... through everything. And you might not want to hear that, but it's the truth." Rory pauses, gauging Logan's reaction. "Look, you are Lucas' dad. You will... always be his dad. _Biologically._ But Jess - Jess has cared for Lucas... unconditionally and has been by my side, no questions asked, since the second I told him I was pregnant."

Logan's jaw ticks in the rising sunlight coming in through the curtains. Rory briefly glances over at Lucas to check on him, but he's still sleeping. He woke up only an hour ago to be fed and almost immediately fell back asleep after being burped, so Rory assumes she has a bit more time to get everything else off her chest. Her attention shifts back to Logan.

"I... I love Jess. I do, and I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings or your ego, but I love him. In the end, he'll get to choose who he wants to be to Lucas. You know, whether it's a father figure or the fun uncle... That's his decision." Rory leans forward so she knows Logan is paying complete attention. "The moral of the story is, Jess belongs in our lives, just as I think we belong in his. So, if Jess and I were to date or remain friends - it doesn't matter. Whether you like it or not, he stays."

"Well," Logan laughs dryly, running a hand across his jaw, "I'll be honest. That's definitely not what I wanted to hear."

Rory shrugs, unapologetic.

"Maybe if you had been more involved from the start, and gave me a more definitive answer as to when you'll be able to see your own son, you might have gotten a say."

"I get it."

"I hope you do," Rory says in a genuine tone. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to sleep."

Rory turns on her side, with her back facing Logan. She doesn't hear him move or leave, so she huffs and looks over her shoulder, annoyance flashing in her eyes.

"Alone, please."

"Alone, right. Understood."

Logan trips over his feet as he rushes to the door. When Rory knows for a fact that he's gone, she rests back on her side, facing her son. She reaches an arm out and fingers the edge of the bin. Her anger and annoyance slowly wanes, and in their place is nothing but love for her son.


	22. i still dream for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Rory adjusts to her new life as a mom, she's taken by surprise when she realizes why Jess wouldn't publish his second book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline update: it's the end of May and Rory is two weeks post-birth.
> 
> Also, I hope you remember Chapter 13 well. If you don't, the thing of utmost importance is one of Jess' lines, "Well, if you change your mind..."
> 
> Hope you like it!

Rory sends off another thank you in the form of a text message to Logan, who had stayed in a hotel in Hartford, and drove over to Stars Hollow everyday for the last two weeks to help with Lucas. Logan was on his best behavior, considering the conversation he and Rory had at the hospital. He had to get back to London for work, but promised to keep in touch and that he'd visit as soon as he can.

After spending two more days in the hospital, Rory and Lucas were cleared to go home. Adjusting to her new life as a mother has been challenging. She's constantly tired, Lucas seems to be fussy unless he's being held, and up until this morning, she hadn't showered in three days. Rory cringes just thinking about it. It is, however, one of the most rewarding experiences she has ever been through. Rory never knew she could love something or someone so much.

Lucas is down for his afternoon nap and Rory is, too. She plops down on the sofa with her phone nearby. She was able to purchase and set up a baby monitor that connects to her phone. It's much easier than carrying around a bulky monitor all of the time, and she's still able to fulfill her motherly duties.

Her mom and Luke are currently out on a grocery run, though it took a lot of help from Luke himself to get Lorelai out of the house. Similar to Rory, Lorelai doesn't want to miss a second of her time with Lucas. You'd think _she_ was the one who just gave birth. It took Rory promising to capture any big moments, and a bribe of pie from Luke, to get Lorelai to leave. Although, now that Lucas is asleep, Rory can peacefully close her own eyes without fear of missing anything too important. The heavy pitter-patter of the rain outside lulls Rory to sleep minutes later.

**********************************

Rory is rudely awakened by the sound of crying. She groggily fumbles for her phone, barely able to make out the grainy image of Lucas in his crib through her bleary eyes. Rory is able to catch a glimpse of the time, realizing that they've been asleep for almost an hour. She quickly pushes herself from the warm, comfortable confines of the sofa and jogs up the staircase. Rory slows as she enters the nursery, approaching what used to be her crib, but is now Lucas'. She cautiously takes him into her arms and sits down in the chair in the corner of the room. Without realizing it, Rory goes through the motions, preparing to feed him. Lucas latches on the second try and her eyelids begin to droop sleepily.

"Rory, we're home!" Lorelai shouts as she enters.

Rory snaps to attention and glances down to check on Lucas. He's still contentedly eating while Rory clutches him to her and stands to walk toward the doorway, peeking her head out.

"I'm feeding Lucas!" she shouts back. "I'll be down soon!"

After taking care of Lucas, Rory brings him downstairs with her to greet Luke and Lorelai. They've just finished putting away the groceries when Rory walks under the archway of the kitchen. Lorelai immediately makes grabby hands at her grandson and Rory mindfully makes the transition from her arms to her mother's.

"This was on the front porch for you," Luke says, gesturing to a plain yellow package sitting on the kitchen table. It's quite bulky and splattered with raindrops. In black sharpie marker, Rory's name is written on the side facing upward. Rory looks to Luke as though he'll know what it is. "Don't look at me. What do I seem like to you, psychic?"

Rory rolls her eyes playfully and nudges him slightly on her way past. She picks up the package addressed to her and takes it with her into the privacy of her bedroom. She closes the door, immediately tearing into the package. Rory extracts a thick manuscript, the protective lining of the package laying at her feet. Before she can delve into the contents of the manuscript, Rory notices a sticky note strategically placed over the title. She plucks it off, instantaneously recognizing Jess' handwriting. The note reads, _"Yet again, I couldn't have done it without you... Thought you should have this. It's your book. -Jess."_

Rory stands there in her bedroom, stunned. What does he mean, it's _her_ book? He's the one that wrote it, and her book about her and her mom isn't finished. So, how could it possibly be that this is her book? Rory presses the sticky note back onto the manuscript, catching the title of Jess' second book, the one he chose not to publish. The Archer written by Jess Mariano. Rory runs the pad of her thumb over the dried ink, allowing herself a moment of awe before diving into the novel. She flips recklessly through the pages, looking for any markings or signs that will point her in the direction of an answer. Rory skims page after page until her impatience and curiosity control her movements. She turns to the last page, scanning the work until she reaches the very last paragraph.

_"He had learned countless lessons throughout this life, not all helpful, but if there's one thing - one lesson - that stands out more than the others, it's this: Aurora Georges is Jesse Montgomery's one, great love story. Even if he isn't hers."_

Rory's breathing becomes unsteady and tears blur her vision as she glances up, half-expecting to see Jess waiting for her outside her window, like this is all some kind of joke. Rory slides down the length of her door and opens the manuscript to the beginning of the book, reading from there. Her throat begins to close up as she gets deeper and deeper into The Archer, realizing what Jess has done. He wrote her a book. He actually wrote her a book.

Everything is here - their first meeting, their first and last tutor session, their first kiss - it's all here, just in the form of these characters, Jesse Montgomery and Aurora Georges. The Archer isn't her book. It's _their_ story.

Rory's mind goes into overdrive as she stands on shaky legs, dropping the manuscript onto the nearest surface before reaching for her phone. She dials Jess' number, but he doesn't pick up. She tries twice more, but still nothing.

"Damn it, Jess," Rory mutters while she paces the length of her bedroom. She tries Jess again - still no answer. "Pick up!"

Rory quickly puts on her rain boots and pushes her arms through her coat, zipping it up and throwing the hood over her hair. She flings her bedroom door open and ducks out into the living room, where she finds Lorelai with Lucas in her lap, a stuffed animal in her hand. Lorelai glances up to see a frantic Rory and worry flashes in her eyes.

"You okay, kid?"

"I - No. I... I have something really important to take care of. Like, really important," Rory rambles, talking with her hands. "I don't know how long I'll be, and I know I have Lucas to think about -"

"Honey, breathe." Rory does as she's told. She takes a deep breath and holds it, exhaling seconds later. "Just... go do whatever you have to. We'll look after Lucas."

"Thank you."

Rory takes off, running out the door. Her head is filled with thoughts of Jess, what she's going to do, what she's going to say - that she barely remembers to close the door shut on her way out. Before she even makes it to the sidewalk, Rory is immersed in rain droplets. She's shivering by the time she reaches town, but she can't turn back now. Suddenly aware that she has absolutely no idea where Jess could be, Rory decides to check Luke's first. The place is relatively empty, with only a handful of people being served. None of them are Jess. Rory huffs, knowing full well that if he were here, he'd be helping out within the diner. Rory leaves almost as quickly as she entered, braving the buckets of rain once more.

Rory proceeds to walk throughout town, hoping for any sign of Jess. By pure, unadulterated luck, Rory catches a glint of something glossy in her peripheral. She peers through the dense rainfall, slowing to a stop, as it registers that she's looking right at Jess and what she saw was his leather jacket, soaked from the rain. Rory breaks out into a sprint, her boots splashing through multiple puddles along the way. Jess, who just exited the Stars Hollow Bookstore, doesn't notice Rory's presence until she catches him by the arm, her fingers softly curling around his jacket.

"Rory?" Jess squints, trying to see through the downpour. "What are you doing?"

"What am _I_ doing? What are _you_ doing? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"You'll have to be more specific, I'm afraid."

Rory glares at him and his lips curl into a small smirk. Jess is soaked from head to toe - they both are - and for a moment, Rory recalls the memory of when she was left to water her neighbor's lawn, but the sprinklers went haywire. Jess was the only one who could get them to stop, and he did it without Rory even having to ask. Then, she remembers where she is and why, and her slight annoyance with Jess comes rising back to the surface.

"I got your present," Rory elaborates. Jess hangs his head, water droplets falling from his hair. "Quite the last page you got there. Yeah, I think my favorite part was when you referred to Aurora as Jesse's one, great love story."

"Really? Because my favorite part was when -"

"Jess!" Rory shouts over the pounding rain. She throws her arms up in frustration. "Did you really expect me _not_ to connect the dots? I mean, Aurora Georges? Jesse Montgomery? That's... us. It's the story of our whole relationship, leading up to that last day in Philly."

"I knew you would," he replies with a shrug and then adds, "I hoped you would."

"Then... Why didn't you stay? Why leave the manuscript on the doorstep?"

Jess holds Rory's gaze for a moment longer before continuing down the sidewalk. Rory stares incredulously at his retreating back. She has no other choice but to follow him. She catches him by the hand, yanking him to a complete stop. Jess whirls around, running his free hand through his drenched hair.

"Rory, you have to get inside, okay? You're going to get sick," he deflects. He pulls, using their locked hands as an advantage, but Rory barely budges an inch. "Jeez. Do you _want_ to get pneumonia?"

"What I want is an answer." Rory squirms out of his grasp, crossing her arms defensively over her chest. She softens when she realizes anger isn't the solution. She didn't come here for a fight. "Give me something... Anything. Please."

Jess clenches his hands into fists by his side. He doesn't say anything as Rory pleads with him, letting the rain pelt at them.

"Jess, I can't - I can't do this. We're adults, I have a kid. I thought we were past all of this, but if you have something to say to me, then you need to say it." Jess still doesn't reply. Rory nods to herself, acknowledging where they stand with each other. "Fine, but if I walk away, then... that's it. No more pining, no more waiting."

Rory hesitates a beat longer, giving him one final chance. Jess still doesn't make a move to respond. Rory swallows her hurt and sidesteps around Jess, walking by him as though he doesn't even exist. _To think she was going to risk getting pneumonia for him._ She's hardly made it past Jess when he reaches out for her, halting her movements. All at once, Jess feels like he's a teenager again, back in Stars Hollow for the first time since he left Rory without saying goodbye, mustering up all of his strength to tell her he loves her. His chest heaves with each breath, cold to the bone from the rain.

"I love you," Jess says, just loud enough for Rory to hear over the torrent of water. "I didn't publish The Archer... because of you. It wasn't something for everyone else to see. It was for your eyes only."

"Jess -"

He doesn't stop. The dam has broken, his truth coming out whether he wants it to or not. "I have loved you... my entire life. I don't - I don't count the time before I came here. My life... It began when I came to this ridiculous town - when I met you."

"Really?" Rory asks, taking a small step toward him. She reaches for his hand again and Jess lets her take it.

He simply nods, as if he's not ripping out his heart and offering it to Rory for the taking. "And I know the timing sucks, but the timing is just - it's never going to be right with us, Rory. I'm... I'm sorry, but you had to know. You deserved to know how I felt."

Rory waits for him to leave, like he did the first time after he told her that he loved her, but he doesn't. He stands his ground, looking every bit scared as she feels.

"Jess?" He inclines his head to show he's listening. Rory takes a step closer and another, and another, until they're just about chest to chest. She grabs him by the lapels of his jacket. "I changed my mind."

Jess hardly has time to react before Rory pulls him to her, kissing him like her life depends on it. Jess returns the action without question, wrapping his arms around her, trying to get as close to Rory as he possibly can. When they both come up for air, Rory rests her forehead against his, at peace with the world at the moment. If it wasn't for the rumbling thunder in the distance or that she can barely feel her fingers, they're so cold, Rory would stay like this forever.

"Luke's is close," Jess murmurs, eyes still closed. "I'm sure I have a pair of sweats you can borrow."

Rory is unable to hold back her grin. She wordlessly nods against Jess' forehead. He releases her and reaches for her hand before even thinking twice about it - like it's the most natural thing in the world. Rory lets him guide her toward the diner, the warm air greeting them like a hug, enveloping their chilled bodies with heat. They collectively ignore the stares they get, heading to the stairs.

"You love me," Rory teases on their way up the staircase.

"Keep it up and I'll take it back," Jess remarks over his shoulder. Obviously, he's all bark and no bite. He would never take those words back.

Rory laughs lightly, following Jess into the apartment. He offers her the shower first and gives her a pair of sweatpants and a shirt of his to change into afterward. Rory thanks him and hurries to the shower, desperate to get under the warm water. Jess throws their damp clothes in the dryer once they're both showered and warm.

Now, they're cloaked in blankets of their own and Rory can feel the silence setting in amidst the pouring rain outside; their romantic moment forgotten about for the time being. They have so much to talk about, but she doesn't know where to start. Like she said before, they're no longer teenagers and Rory has Lucas to think about now.

"Come here," Jess says, already sensing what she's thinking about. He smirks a little and tugs on her blanket to get her to sit down next to him on the sofa. "We're going to talk, just... not now. Let's enjoy this first."

"You promise we'll talk?"

"Promise," Jess confirms. He opens his arms for Rory to crawl into. She leans into his side, her chin resting on his chest. Jess brushes a piece of her hair back as Rory pushes herself up, looking for another kiss. "Don't be greedy," he razzes.

"I'm not greedy," Rory pouts. Jess happily leans down to press a chaste kiss to her lips. "I just like you."

"You like me, huh?"

Rory holds her thumb and index finger up, a bit of space left in between. She squints slightly, pursing her lips. "A little."

"Yeah, I guess I kind of like you, too." Rory feigns offense and swats at his arm. He chuckles low in his chest, the vibrations tickling Rory, and steals another kiss. He hums softly and nudges her nose with his in an eskimo kiss.

_More than like, actually. So much more._


	23. my heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess and Rory contemplate the next step in their relationship. Jess voices his worries about fatherhood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last consistent update, since my classes start up again tomorrow. I'll try to update again soon, but I really can't promise anything. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Jess fidgets with the top button of his collared shirt, buttoning and unbuttoning it several times as his indecision starts to get the better of him. He ultimately chooses to leave the top unbuttoned. He already feels like he's struggling for air, he doesn't need to add insult to injury. Jess inhales a deep, calming breath and raises his fist to knock on the front door of the Gilmore home.

Rory answers the door, holding Lucas securely to her chest. She appears to be out of breath, with her hair in knots on one side of her head, while the other side is completely brushed. "Hi."

"Hi."

She flushes underneath Jess' stare. "Hi," she lamely repeats.

"Hi," Lorelai interrupts loudly, poking her head around the door.

"Hi," Jess politely greets with a nod.

Rory steps back, allowing for more room for Lorelai to open the door, silently welcoming Jess inside their home. He slowly enters and closes the door behind him, following the Gilmores further into the house. Jess awkwardly rocks back and forth on his heels, hands locked behind his back.

"I still have to finish getting ready, but I promise I won't be long," Rory says over her shoulder, heading toward her bedroom.

"No worries. Dinner's in the car, and it'll keep if we get held up."

"Oh, great. I'm starved."

Jess grins a little in Rory's direction and she returns it, rocking a slightly fussy Lucas in her arms. Jess steps forward with his arms hesitantly outstretched. Lorelai smirks deliberately at the scene in front of her before going off into the kitchen.

"Do you...?"

"Would you?" Rory replies. Jess carefully takes Lucas from Rory and balances him against his own chest, making sure to cradle his head. "Thanks. I'll just be a few minutes."

"Take your time."

Rory disappears around the corner and into her bedroom, while Jess takes a seat on the arm of the sofa. He glances down at Lucas, who has suddenly gone quiet, staring up at Jess with curiosity. As if sensing he's being watched, Lucas punches the air, barely missing Jess' chin. Jess intentionally holds Lucas at arms length, still holding the back of his head.

"You're awfully mean for a baby," Jess says in a low voice. Lucas makes a noise, the sides of his mouth twitching like he wants to smile. "Could have given me a black eye. The last time I went somewhere with your mom, and I showed up with a black eye, it didn't go over too well."

"If I recall, it was a football," Rory teases, making Jess jump a little. How long has she been standing there for?

Jess grins sheepishly, bringing Lucas back to his front as he stands, approaching Rory. She's leaning against the archway of the kitchen, her arms crossed over her middle. Jess could easily hand Lucas back to her, but he decides to hold onto the little guy a bit longer.

"Yeah, about that..."

"What, did you actually get into a fight that day?"

"No, nothing like that. Well, something like that, but it's not what you think." Jess swallows his stupid pride and takes the plunge - but only because tonight is about telling the truth. "I... I got into it with a swan."

A chime of laughter leaves Rory before she has time to cover her mouth. Jess rolls his eyes, moving to turn his back on her, but she catches him by the elbow. Rory pulls him back to her, so that his back is to her front. She rests her chin on his shoulder, her arms encircling his waist.

"I'm sorry," she says between laughs. "I don't mean to laugh, but... A swan?"

"It was a vicious little thing. Pure evil."

"Uh huh."

"Beaked me right in the eye."

"Sure, honey. Whatever you need to tell yourself," Rory drawls. Another fit of giggles rise to the surface and she buries her face in Jess' shoulder to muffle the sound.

"All right, you know what? No dessert for you."

Rory gasps dramatically. Jess mocks her as he spins around to face her, resulting in that withering stare of hers. "No, not my dessert privileges!"

"Sorry, ma'am. You crossed the line."

"I don't see a line."

"It's miniscule. It takes a special kind of individual to see it," Jess insists, continuing to play along. "Might need to get you some glasses, grandma."

"Jess!" Rory shrieks. She shoves him in the shoulder, though it comes as no surprise to her when he doesn't even move an inch. Jess chuckles, running his hand soothingly over Lucas' back. Rory notices, the sound of their laughter dwindling after a moment. She raises a hand, cupping Jess' cheek. She brushes her thumb across his sharp bone structure and tilts her head slightly, a soft smile forming. "While I don't like that you lied to me back then, I appreciate your honesty now."

Jess' mouth curves to the side and Rory leans in, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. She pulls back and wordlessly stares at two of her favorite boys, biting her bottom lip to try and conceal her widening smile.

"You're good with him, you know."

"I'm trying to be." Jess holds her stare to let her know how serious he's being, and not just about Lucas. "You sure you don't want to bring him along?"

"I'd love to, but I think tonight should really be about us."

"As you wish."

Rory shoots Jess another grin and lightly pats his cheek before taking Lucas off his hands. She holds up her index finger, telling him to give her a minute. He nods as she enters the kitchen, looking around the house as if he hasn't already been here a hundred times. After a couple minutes of aimlessly walking around, Rory comes back through the living room with her overnight bag in hand.

"Ready?"

Jess takes the bag from her grasp and holds out his other hand, which Rory happily clasps with her own. "Ready."

**********************************

Rory is going into tonight blindly. She has no idea where Jess is taking her. All she knows is that they're going to talk soon. Like, really talk, and it's going to change the course of their relationship from here on out. Rory squirms in the passenger seat just thinking about it, afraid of what will happen once they do talk. In an effort to distract herself from the tense atmosphere in the car, Rory adjusts her position with her body facing Jess. She reaches out to brush back some of his hair. It's getting longer, but Jess doesn't seem to mind. In all honesty, Rory doesn't mind his long hair, either. Although, she _would_ prefer it if he cut it soon, or else he's going to look like Tarzan by next month.

"So, you love me," Rory speaks up. Jess scoffs amusedly, rolling his eyes. She laughs softly and extracts her touch, pointing an accusing finger his way. "You can't take it back."

He glances at her for a brief instant prior to returning his attention to the road. "I won't."

Rory folds her hands in her lap, leg bouncing nervously. Jess makes note of the movement out of the corner of his eye, but chooses not to comment. He pulls up to the curb once they reach their destination and cuts the engine after putting the car in park. Neither make a move to get out of the car. Jess risks a glimpse at Rory, only to find that she's already looking back at him.

The uncertainty of what happens next weighs heavily on their shoulders. The obstacles that were holding them back before don't mean as much now. There was Rory's desire to focus solely on her pregnancy, the question of Logan's involvement, and the fact that Rory's love life was a wreck. Well, Rory's no longer pregnant, Logan's involvement is still questionable - but for the most part, solved - and Rory's pretty sure her love life only includes Jess from now on.

"This time has to be different," Rory blurts. "It has to."

"Rory."

"Because this is it, okay? I know there's Lucas to think about now, and we're both older, but -"

"Rory."

"-this is right. Doesn't it feel right?"

"Rory," Jess laughs. He angles his body toward her and takes her trembling hands in his. "Lucas is important to me, too. I take him into consideration."

"You do?"

"Yeah, of course I do. But you're right... This is it, and it's going to be different this time around." Rory nods to show she's listening, despite her growing nerves. Why isn't Jess as nervous as she is? It's like they've somehow switched places, or entered an alternate universe, where she's a ball of stress and he's cool and collected. Jess runs the pads of his fingers over her knuckles, bringing her back to him. "To do this right, we have start by talking about..."

"All of it," Rory finishes for him.

"All of it," he echoes.

Rory takes a deep breath, glad to know that they're on the same page. She eventually finds herself staring out the windshield, remembering that they started this afternoon with a different agenda. Jess recognizes the confusion present in her eyes and smirks a little to himself. He gives Rory's hands one last squeeze before unlocking the doors and hopping out.

"Where are we?" Rory asks as Jess opens her door. It looks like they're still in Connecticut, but it's not an area that Rory is extremely familiar with, like she is with Stars Hollow or Hartford.

Jess helps her onto the sidewalk and leans around her to grab the food for later. "Wolcott. We're about thirty minutes from Hartford, and ten minutes from Bristol."

"And what are we doing here?"

Jess' smirk deepens as Rory links her arm through his while they walk down the sidewalk. Rory takes in the unfamiliar town, squinting to try and see into the distance. Jess gestures to a quaint brownstone with red bricks and bounds up the steps. Rory stays put on the sidewalk, unsure of where he's going with all of this.

"Don't panic," Jess advises.

"I'm not panicking."

"Liar." He walks down a few steps and offers his hand again. Rory looks questioningly at it. "Trust me?"

"Yes." Rory takes his hand and lets him lead her inside the brownstone.

The place appears to be completely furnished with a sofa and chair to Rory's right, as soon as they walk in, with the kitchen straight ahead. There's two separate hallways, one bearing to the left, and the other bearing right.

"Remember what I said about not panicking," Jess reminds Rory as she surveys the inside of the brownstone.

"What is this, Jess?" Rory quietly asks, coming to a stop between the living room and kitchen. "Why are we here? Are we even _allowed_ to be here?"

Jess inhales deeply before answering. "I'm... I'm thinking about buying this place."

Rory dips her chin slowly in a nod. "Wolcott to Philly is quite the commute."

"Rory."

She smiles teasingly, continuing to examine the brownstone, running her fingertips along the walls. "You'd move here?"

"Thinking about it."

"And you'd be here?"

"Possibly."

"All the time?" Rory asks with hope bubbling in her chest.

"It's not a done deal." Jess shrugs, walking closer to where Rory stands. "The real estate agent I'm in contact with is holding it for me while I think it over."

"You seem to have put some thought into this."

"Here, come check it out." Jess grabs her hand and guides her toward the hallway located to their right. There's only one room at the end of this hall. Jess pushes the door open to reveal the room, furnished with a bed and table. "This room could be Lucas' nursery. I could clean it out and buy a new crib, toys, whatever he needs. This way, he'd have somewhere to rest and play when he comes over."

"And me?"

"Well, there's another bedroom down _that_ hall, where we can rest and play." Rory shakes her head, elbowing him in the side. "I'm kidding. Sort of. Look, I - I'm trying, Rory. I'm not asking you to move in yet, especially when I haven't even moved in, but this... This is me trying. I'd be closer to home, closer to you and Lucas."

"I don't know, Jess. Are you - are you sure about all of this? I mean, I know you told me that you don't mind kids, but you also said that you didn't ever really see yourself with one."

"I like your kid," Jess offers with a boyish grin. "I like you."

"I just want to make sure you're absolutely certain."

"I wouldn't be considering moving back home if I wasn't," he assures her in a gentle tone. "Just... think about it, okay? I need to get an answer to the agent soon."

Rory nods, her heart fluttering at how much thought Jess has put into their relationship, and the new addition of Lucas. The brownstone should freak her out, but it doesn't. Like Jess said, he's not asking her to move in with him just yet. Plus, she loves the idea of Jess living in Connecticut again, especially if they're going to start a new relationship. They could do long distance, she's sure, if they had to, but if Jess gets this place, they won't have to.

"Come on," Jess murmurs. They walk back toward the living room area, where he tells Rory to make herself at home. Jess leaves her side to grab the food he left by the door before coming back, sitting down on the floor. Rory slides down the sofa until she's sat next to Jess. She reaches for the pillows so they can be more comfortable while they eat.

"We're staying here?" Rory asks, recalling her overnight bag in the car.

"Just for tonight. I already cleared it with Andrea - that's the real estate agent. We have a lot to discuss, don't we?"

Rory smiles, accepting the plate of food that Jess gives her. "Yeah, we do."

**********************************

They spend the majority of the night eating and talking about their past. They speak about what went wrong, and what they would do differently now. The pair cover everything that comes to mind. Jess even told her the truth about keeping Dean's bracelet - _"But Dean gave me that. Why would you keep it?" "I just liked... having a piece of you with me, I guess. At the time, I didn't know Dean was the one who gave it to you."_ \- and Rory was honest about throwing deviled eggs at Jess' old car - _"You deviled egged my car? Why?" "It was my lame way of communicating that I liked you, I suppose." "Okay, we really have to work on our communication skills."_ It's just been a whole affair of Jess spilling his guts, and then Rory, and then back to Jess.

"So," Rory pipes up, laying on her back while she stares at the ceiling, "you're seriously okay with this? Us, and... and Lucas?"

Jess sits up so his back is against the sofa. "I - I know I'm not his dad, but I care about him. I probably can't offer all the things that... Logan can -"

"That really bothers you, doesn't it?"

"It's just... I didn't have the best example for parents, and you and Logan have history."

"So do we, Jess."

"And now you have a baby together," Jess continues as though Rory never spoke. "He's the father, he has the money to take care of the both of you, and... What do I have? What am I?"

Rory leans up on her elbows, studying Jess' frown lines and hard jaw. She sits up and crawls over to his side, grasping his face in her hands. "You're... You're my boyfriend. I mean, uh, I hope you are? It sounds really pathetic because I feel like you're so much more than some label, but... I don't care about Logan, I don't care about his stupid money. I care about _you._ "

"Rory -"

"No," she swiftly cuts him off. "This is not going to be the Dean thing all over again. I don't want you to ever worry about where you stand with me, or my son. I mean, I... I know you will, but... just - just bear with me, okay? Believe me when I say that _this_ is enough for me, and everything else will figure itself out later."

Jess hesitates a second before replying. It's as definitive of an answer as he's going to get. They can't predict the future. They can only control what happens now, what happens next. "Okay. I believe you." Rory smiles slightly and kisses him gently.

Rory snuggles against Jess' side with her head on his chest and her arms wrapped around his middle. Jess hugs her to him, kissing the side of her head.

"You're really going to move back?" Rory asks after a beat of silence.

"Might have to take some convincing."

Rory laughs and adjusts their positions so that she's sitting on his lap, facing him, with his arms locked against her back. Rory rests her elbows delicately on Jess' shoulders, playing with the ends of his hair.

"Convincing, huh?" Rory rags on him. "I've been told I'm a very good negotiator."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." She smiles and leans down, pressing her lips against his once more.


	24. words can be like knives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taylor organizes a welcome home party for Rory and Lucas. Jess finds an unlikely ally in Lorelai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of short, but it gets the ball rolling with some important stuff involving Jess.

Rory stands in the middle of Luke's Diner while Taylor works on hanging _It's A Boy!_ and _Welcome Home!_ banners over the menu of specials that Luke wrote on the chalkboard. Horrified and helpless, Rory gives a pathetic thumbs up when Taylor looks to her for approval. He beams at her and climbs down the ladder, appreciating his work. Rory manages a weak smile in Taylor's direction before turning to face her mother, returning to their table.

"I can't believe this," Rory mutters, ducking her head.

"You can't escape it, kid. You just have to embrace it now."

Rory groans, pushing her unfinished plate of pancakes to the side. Lucas stares at her with wide eyes, the commotion catching his attention. Rory rocks his carrier a little as it rests on a chair.

"This is your fault, you know," Rory says to her son, though the punch is packed with zero heat. "There would be no welcome home party, if there was no baby. You're just lucky you're so cute."

"Oh, she doesn't mean that," Lorelai snipes, scooping him into her arms. "She's just grumpy because the only kind of cake Taylor could get is vanilla."

"I'm not grumpy."

"Tell that to the frown on your face."

Rory rolls her eyes and tosses a piece of her napkin at her mother. Lorelai's mouth pops open when it hits her square on the nose. She'd retaliate, but she doesn't want to put down her grandson. He's so soft and has that new baby smell. A war with her daughter can wait.

After a few moments, Jess comes up behind Rory, effectively caging her in the chair with his palms resting on the edge of the table. He greets her with a deep kiss, leaving Rory grinning so wide it hurts by the time he pulls away. Jess addresses Lorelai, too, and grabs an extra chair, sitting down at their table. Lucas leans over Lorelai's shoulder, trying to get to Jess.

"Hey, Skywalker," Jess greets softly, letting Lucas wrap his tiny hand around his finger.

"Skywalker?" Rory questions as she leans back in her chair.

"Yeah, you know... Star Wars."

"You are _not_ calling my child Skywalker."

"Why do you think I got him the cool lightsaber shirt?" Jess points at the gray t-shirt Lucas is sporting, the blue and red lightsabers intersecting in the form of an X on the front. "I could call him L.R. or Little Richie, but -"

"It sounds like a rapper." Rory scrunches her nose in distaste.

Jess snickers and Lorelai even lets out a few laughs. "I figured Skywalker was a safer bet."

"Maybe, but I still don't know how I feel about it."

"It's not like he can understand me."

"Well, no. You have a point there, but it'll become a habit and then, before you know it, it's twenty years later and all he's known as is Skywalker." Jess' lips twitch and Rory notices it, her stare narrowing. "What? Why are you smiling?"

"Nothing." Jess purses his lips as a full on grin threatens to ruin his facade. "It's just... nice to know you see me in your life twenty years from now."

Rory shakes her head, almost in disapproval. She can't lie, though. She's not even the slightest bit bothered that Jess only managed to catch that part of her statement. She reaches for his hand under the table and squeezes.

"Oh, you _are_ smooth," Rory teases, leaning forward to rest her chin on Jess' upper arm. He chuckles and angles his head so that his cheek is positioned atop her head. Lorelai sneaks a glimpse of the happy couple while she holds Lucas, a smile of her own forming.

**********************************

As more people enter the diner for Rory and Lucas' party, joining in on the festivities, the more Jess starts to feel like the walls are closing in on him. He tries to push away the suffocating paranoia - because that's all it is, right? - but the harder he fights it, the sinking notion coils around his throat tighter and tighter until he feels like he's gasping for air. While everyone is coming up to Rory so they can fawn over Lucas, Jess can hear the whispers about how Rory should have ended up with the baby's father as though they're shouts. He can sense the invading stares like they're knives, sharpened points aimed directly at his heart, ready to wound him where it hurts most.

"Hey, you okay?" Rory asks, sidling up to him. She managed to break free from the crowd for a second and immediately noticed that Jess was standing off to the side, near the door, as if he's at war with his fight or flight mechanism. He's been keeping to himself for most of the party to begin with, but Rory didn't think much of it until now. "Sad boy. What's wrong?"

Jess gives Rory what she wants - a half-smile at the reference to their first relationship. He shakes his head, shrugging. "Nothing. Go enjoy your party."

"Did someone say something to you?"

"Not _to_ me," Jess mumbles so low that Rory barely catches it. "It's fine, Rory, okay? I don't want to burden you."

"You're not -"

"I just... I'm going to go for a walk."

"Okay, I'll come with."

"No," Jess answers quickly. He closes his eyes for a brief instant and tries his hardest to collect himself. He exhales and opens his eyes, plastering on what he hopes is a reassuring smile. "I mean, it's your party and everybody wants to see Lucas. Stay."

"Jess, I really don't want to leave you alone like this."

He gently shushes Rory, setting his hands on her shoulders before moving them up to cup her cheeks. Jess places a chaste kiss at her hairline, nuzzling his nose against her temple. He briskly presses another kiss to her cheek and pulls away.

"I'll be back soon. Scout's honor."

"You were never a Boy Scout."

"As far as you know," Jess replies playfully. He winks and is quick to lean in for another kiss prior to leaving the diner without another word.

**********************************

Lorelai catches Jess on his second lap around the town square. When Rory came up to Lorelai, and told her about Jess' odd shift in moods - especially since he seemed fine earlier - she assured Rory that she'd take care of it so that Rory and Lucas could enjoy the party together. Lorelai falls into step with Jess, who barely gives her a second glance.

"Rory?" he simply asks.

"Who else?"

Jess nods, scoffing lightly in both disbelief and amusement. Of course she sent someone else after him. He's not upset or angry about it. Sure, he wishes she would have more faith in him to not fly off the handle, but given his past... Jess understands why Rory sent somebody to check on him.

"You can tell her that I'm fine."

"Oh, no. That just won't do. You see, how this works, is that you tell me your problems," Lorelai begins, rambling a mile a minute, "and maybe I'll even tell you mine - like how Luke leaves more hair in the shower drain than I do. I mean, what does that man even -"

"Jeez," he abruptly interjects. Jess inwardly cringes. He doesn't need nor want to hear about _that_ sort of problem. Jess stops short and Lorelai is forced to slow her pace. "All right, look. I - I may be having a little... trouble coming to terms with being... I don't know where I stand or where - where I'm _going_ to stand in Lucas' life."

"And it doesn't help that this whole town is nosy," Lorelai guesses.

"No, it doesn't." Jess sighs, kicking at some loose rocks. "You know he kind of looks like Logan, too?" He chuckles, almost bitterly, even though nobody could have controlled or predicted that outcome.

"Except those eyes," Lorelai tries with a small laugh. "That's all Rory.

"Yeah, except that."

Lorelai sighs when her efforts don't have the desired effect. "You can't force anything, Jess, and believe me - I know you're not trying to. You just want answers."

"Funny. That's basically what Rory said a few weeks ago, that everything will just figure itself out." He mentally kicks himself as he starts to see reason. He and Rory agreed to take it day by day with Lucas, and see where it takes them. Rory promised that the question would soon resolve itself, and until then, to bear with her. And here Jess is, messing up her day because he's too insecure to accept that for an answer. He knows Rory would never truly blame him, but his guilt weighs heavily in the pit of his stomach.

"Yeah, well, you should listen to us. When are we Gilmore women ever wrong?"

Jess supplies a breathy laugh for Lorelai's benefit, refusing to truly answer her, as they continue to walk back in the direction of Luke's.

"Hey, I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, but I get what it's like to feel like an outsider, especially to those closest to you. So, if you ever need someone to listen..."

"I am _not_ listening to that shower drain issue," Jess says. It comes out as a joke, but he's mostly serious.

"Oh, but I have so much to vent about!" Lorelai quickly recovers. "You lived with Luke for a while. Can't you help a girl out?"

"Absolutely not. Besides, I think you've lived with him longer than I have, at this point."

"Wow, what a rip off. I listened to your problems, offered you an opening to vent if you need to, and this is what I get?"

"I have a suggestion for you," Jess counters as he opens the door to Luke's. "See a therapist."

"But you're free. See how that just works out?"

"What, Rory can't listen to your problems?"

"She always tries to help. You know, sometimes a girl just wants someone to listen to her while she complains."

Jess chuckles and gestures for her to head inside. Lorelai does, but gives Jess a stern look that tells him he isn't quite off the hook for this one. Rory instantly spots him the moment he enters the diner and bounds right up to him. She inspects Jess closely, as though she's looking for any scrapes or bruises.

"Hey, where's Skywalker?"

Rory rolls her eyes at the mention of the trivial nickname. "He's with Lane. How are you? You're not upset that I sent my mom after you, are you? Because -"

"It's fine. _I'm_ fine, Rory, really."

Rory looks like she doesn't believe him, but she lets the topic go. Truthfully, he is a little better than he was when he left the diner. Jess lifts his arm for Rory to take her place underneath, wrapping her own arms around him in a firm hug. He blows out a breath, at peace - or the closest thing to it - for the first time since this morning.

"I'm sorry I ruined your afternoon," Jess whispers.

Rory stares incredulously at him. "You didn't ruin anything. I want you to feel like you can talk to me about anything, and I mean _anything._ We're supposed to be a team. A family."

"I know." Jess tightens his hold on her. "I'm sorry."

"Jess, you have nothing to apologize for. I just... I want you to know that I'm here. I'm always here."

Jess nods and brushes his lips across her forehead. His insecurities will always be there - his own parents made sure of that a long time ago. He's not Lucas' dad, and nothing he does will ever change that fact. Even if he was, would he be a good father? Would Jess ruin him, scar him for life, just as his own father did with him? He doesn't have all the answers. He wishes he did, but he doesn't. All he can do is take Rory and Lorelai at their word, and hope that it's enough for now. The chips will fall where they may and until then, Jess and Rory have each other.


	25. dread in my heart and fear in my bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get off to an iffy start when Jess and Luke travel with the Gilmore family to Nantucket, paying Emily a visit.

Jess scribbles a solid line, crossing out one of the potential plot lines for his new book. He started brainstorming ideas about a month ago, and recently started the writing process. It's definitely a work in progress, but Truncheon and Vic are glad to know that Jess is working on something. Across from him, Rory is sat on her bed with her back against a tower of pillows, working on her own book while Lucas takes a nap. There's a deep crease forming between her eyebrows as she stares down at her computer. A grin tugs at the corners of Jess' mouth as he places his pen behind his ear. His staring is interrupted by the shrill sound of his phone ringing.

"Shit. Sorry, babe," Jess apologizes, knowing how Rory gets with interruptions, especially when she's writing. He rushes to silence it, glimpsing at the name on the phone screen. "I thought I put it on vibrate."

"It's fine. Can you just take it out there? I'm having trouble with this one part and I need to focus."

Jess nods and Rory blows him a kiss while he leaves. He walks through the kitchen and heads out the back door, closing it as quietly as he can behind him. Jess slides his finger across the screen, answering Andrea's phone call.

"Yeah?"

"About time you answered."

"I was busy," Jess mutters, scuffing his shoes on the floor of the deck. "What's up?"

"I need an answer on the brownstone. I think I gave you more than enough time to consider the purchase, and if you can't make a commitment by this week, I'm going to have to move onto other clients."

Jess leans back against the wall of the Gilmore house, crossing his legs at the ankles. "I'm still talking about it with my girlfriend. Can you just hold it a little longer?"

Andrea sighs on the other end and Jess winces slightly. He hates the thought of being an inconvenience, but until he knows that Rory is absolutely on board with him moving back, Jess isn't looking to spend the majority of his savings on the place. She's made some comments and dropped a hint or two toward Jess, but nothing direct or clean cut. He could ask her, sure. He just doesn't want it to appear like he's being pushy or invading her space. Rory needs to come to terms with this on her own, and when she knows, so will Jess.

"It's Sunday, so I will give you until Friday at the latest to give me an answer."

"Thank you. I appreciate it."

"Please call me as soon as you know," Andrea requests before the line goes dead.

Jess exhales and takes a moment prior to going back inside. Rory is in the kitchen, fixing herself a snack, when Jess comes back in. She shoots him a smile and offers him a bit of her popcorn, which he accepts.

"Who was on the phone?"

"Andrea, that real estate agent I told you about."

"Oh. Everything okay?"

Jess leans in and lovingly kisses Rory on the cheek. "Nothing for you to worry about," he insists as he walks around her.

Rory decides to forgo her faint skepticism and believe Jess, following him into her bedroom with the bowl of popcorn in hand. She sets her snack on the desk to her left and closes the door shut, a low click sounding throughout the room. Jess glances up at the noise. Lorelai made it crystal clear - no high jinks - which means, the door is to remain open. Now, he's a grown man and has no business being scared of his girlfriend's mother, but he and Lorelai have always had a rocky relationship, and he doesn't want to do anything to threaten the progress they've made.

"I thought your mom said to keep the door open."

"Please, we're both consenting adults. Besides, if she gets upset, I'll take the blame."

"I don't know..."

She rolls her eyes and closes the distance between them. Rory takes the notebook from his grasp and plucks the pen from behind his ear, placing both objects on the nearest surface. She takes a seat on Jess' lap and he welcomingly wraps an arm around her waist.

"I want to talk to you, and it's the kind of subject matter that requires privacy."

"Oh?" he questions. Jess curls his fingers around Rory's hip, running his fingertips over the sliver of skin that's exposed due to her shirt riding up. She crinkles her nose at the ticklish sensation and Jess chuckles, pinching her hip gently. Rory yelps and pushes at his chest in response. "What kind of topics are we talking about?" Jess waggles his eyebrows playfully.

"You're shameless, you know that?"

"I can be whatever you want me to be," Jess continues to tease, tilting his head to place a tender kiss on her jawline. Rory predictably melts under his touch. She wounds her fingers in Jess' hair and yanks softly, doing her best to keep from succumbing to his antics.

"Jess, I can't focus when you do that." He caves with great willpower and rests his chin on her shoulder, giving her his full attention. Rory smiles and kisses his forehead as a thank you. "That's better. Now, back to what I want to speak with you about. Firstly, what do you think about taking a trip?"

"On our budget? The only trip we'll be taking is to Luke's."

"Okay, first of all, I know you have a lot more saved up than you let on. Otherwise, you wouldn't have been able to put that brownstone on hold for so long. Second of all, it's a family trip. All expenses paid." Rory holds up three fingers. "Scout's honor."

"You were never a Girl Scout," Jess taunts. "Family trip, huh?"

Rory nods. "To Nantucket."

"Wait, isn't that where your -"

"My grandma lives there, yes."

"Rory, your grandma won't want me there. Remember how well it went last time?"

"Yeah, but that was years ago _and_ you showed up with a black eye." Rory delicately runs the pads of her fingers under Jess' left eye, where the horrid bruising was. "I think it's a safe bet that you won't have one this time around. I'll guard you myself, if I have to."

Jess scoffs. "You? But you're so dainty." He digs his fingers into Rory's side again, causing her to squeal aloud, covering her mouth to try and conceal the noise. Jess laughs as he continues his torment, only stopping when Rory surrenders.

"That was just mean," she scolds with a glare. "I will consider forgiving you, but only if you come with."

"I... I don't know, Rory."

"You're family," she tries. She brushes Jess' hair back and bends to peck him on the lips. "You're _my_ family. I would really love it if you tagged along, but I'd understand if you didn't."

Jess groans low in his throat, pressing his forehead against Rory's shoulder. "If it would make you happy... How long would we be gone for?"

"We'd leave tomorrow morning and come back Friday morning."

"I guess I can clear my schedule for a few days."

"Oh, how chivalrous of you."

"Yeah, that's me. Look up chivalrous in the dictionary and you'll see my picture."

Rory snorts and slides down in Jess' lap so she can rest her head on his chest, her legs hanging off the side of the plush chair. Jess rests his cheek atop her head and fully wraps his arms around her figure.

"There's another thing..." Rory says, her confidence fizzling out as she ponders how she wants to go about this. "It - It's been a little more than six weeks since Lucas was born."

"Are we celebrating weekly birthdays now?"

"You know, we'd get through this conversation a whole lot quicker if you would just keep quiet," Rory reprimands. She reaches out to grip Jess' jaw, causing his lips to pucker a little. She raises her eyebrows in a silent question of whether he understands. Jess nods and Rory rewards him with a brief kiss. "The whole six weeks thing is a big deal because... because my doctor said I could consider having... you know."

"Having...?"

"Sex," Rory whispers. She peeks at her bedroom door as though her mother is going to come running in any second. Jess breaks out into a fit of laughter, burying his face in the crook of Rory's neck.

"You do realize that's how you came to have Lucas? You don't have to be so... demure about it."

"I know. I just - Look, do you or do you not want to," Rory lowers her voice until she's practically mumbling, "possibly, maybe... do the dirty?"

"Do the dirty?" Jess chuckles loudly, clutching Rory tighter to him when she tries to get up. "All right, I'm sorry. Hey, I'm sorry. Truly, I am. I will, uh, I'll make sure I have... protection so that we're prepared, if it comes down to that."

"I hate you," Rory grumbles, defiantly crossing her arms.

"Oh, come on. You _love_ me."

"Sometimes."

"All the time," Jess corrects.

He affectionally kisses her cheek and then lightly grips her chin between his fingers to properly kiss her. Like before, Rory submits under his touch. "Manipulator," she rebukes under her breath, when Jess finally pulls back enough to grin smugly at her.

**********************************

The drive to Nantucket is long and filled with a lot of questionable music choices, countless complaints from Luke regarding his back, and cries from Lucas. He's usually a good sleeper, but unfortunately, Rory forgot to pack his favorite stuffed animal, which also happens to be the one he tends to fall asleep with. Once she realized, Rory beat herself up for the rest of the trip and is still beating herself up. Needless to say, when Lorelai pulled into Emily's driveway, everyone was cranky and ready to get out of the stuffy car.

"I'm such a bad mom," Rory mutters as they all step out of the car. "I can't believe I forgot the one thing that gets him to sleep."

"You're not a bad mom," Jess replies. He follows her out of the car and pulls her into him. Rory pouts against his chest, wounding her arms around his shoulders. He kisses her near her hairline, lips brushing over her skin as he speaks. "Forgetting a stuffed animal doesn't make you a bad mother. He'll just... He's going to have to cry it out for this trip, is all."

Rory groans and tucks her head into Jess' chest even further. He comfortingly runs a hand down her back, shushing her. "I don't know if I can do it."

"Then I'll do it," Jess offers. "I'll be the bad guy. You'll get the opportunity to catch up on some sleep and I... I will make sure he's as comfortable as he can be."

"I can't ask you to do that for me. I mean, I'm his mother and I forgot his stuffed animal. I should be the one -"

"You're not asking me to do anything. I'm volunteering. Besides, I know how you get when you hear him cry for long periods of time. You end up crying, too, and then we have two crying babies on our hands."

Rory laughs and Jess smiles at the sound. "I love you."

"I love you," he murmurs. He reaches down to cup Rory's face, angling her head back to look up at him. Jess bends to erase the gap between them, slanting his lips over hers. "Come on, we have bags to unpack."

Rory sarcastically salutes him and dives in, handing off bag after bag while keeping an eye on Lucas, who is still in his car seat. Once all the bags and everyone else are inside the house, Rory works on removing Lucas from the seat. Emily immediately rushes toward Rory with her arms outstretched toward Lucas.

"He's a little cranky," Rory warns as she hands him to her grandmother. "He didn't sleep during the trip here."

"Oh, poor thing. We'll get that crib set up for him as soon as possible, and he can take a nap."

Rory grimaces, nervously scratching at her inner arm. "He, um, he might not sleep very well... at all. I - I forgot the toy that usually helps him sleep."

"Well, I'm sure I have a toy around here somewhere. We'll see what we can do."

"Thanks, grandma." Rory releases the breath she didn't realize she was holding. She was worried her grandma might question her abilities as a mother. It wouldn't be completely out of character for her to do so. "So, this is a fancy place you got here."

"You think so? I just finished some renovations."

"Impressive," Rory praises with a nod of her head, glancing around the inside of the house as they walk over the threshold. "I wouldn't mind staying indoors for the duration of our stay."

"Nonsense. You must go sightseeing. There are these lighthouses a few miles from here, and they're just beautiful. You'd love them."

"That does sound like fun. I'll make sure to pencil you in."

Rory shares a mutual smile with her grandma. Emily hands Lucas back off to her while she turns to the left, mentioning something about lunch. Rory takes her time in exploring the house, eventually ending her self-tour upstairs. There's so many hallways in the place, it's a miracle Rory doesn't get lost somehow.

"Snooping, are we?" Jess sounds from behind her.

"Exploring," Rory rectifies as she turns to face him. "What do you think?"

"Pretty spacious for just one person."

"Yeah, that's Emily Gilmore for you."

Jess smirks while Rory reaches down to hold his hand, swinging their arms back and forth as they walk back down the staircase. At the bottom of the stairs, Emily is standing there with a tray of lemonade in hand. Her gaze narrows at their clasped hands, but she recovers quickly.

"Lunch is being served in the dining room, if you're up for it. Luke and Lorelai are washing up, and then they'll be joining us."

"We'd love to," Rory answers for them, pausing to glimpse at Jess for his reaction. "Actually, it's time for Lucas to eat a little something, too. I'll just warm a bottle and be there in a minute."

Jess wordlessly takes Lucas as Rory completes the transition from her arms to his. Rory kisses his cheek before leaving to get a bottle for Lucas. Jess is left to stare silently at Emily, who looks equally displeased at the situation they've been left in.

"So... the dining room?" Jess manages, trying not to squirm under her intense stare.

"Through those doors," Emily gestures. "It'll be on your left."

"Thanks."

Jess follows Emily's directions to the best of his ability, and soon finds the dining room after the second try - the house has so many doors and hallways, Jess couldn't help but get lost on his first attempt. Luke and Lorelai are already there, in their respective seats with the food left untouched in front of them. Jess takes a seat next to Luke, and Rory joins them shortly afterward, waving the bottle in her hand like it's a victory flag.

"I can do it," Jess says, reaching for the warm bottle. "He's already comfortable here."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I don't mind."

Rory shrugs and hands him the bottle. Emily walks in with the tray of drinks and places them at the end of the table. She motions for everybody to dig in and takes her seat at the head of the table, near Jess. Emily doesn't pile her plate with food like the others seem to be doing. She simply watches Jess feed Lucas, resting her chin atop her folded hands.

"He looks a lot like his father," Emily comments.

Rory halts her movements, slowly lowering her plate back onto the tablecloth. She uncomfortably clears her throat while Jess tilts his head in curiosity, unsure of Emily's endgame here. Emily smiles like she made a modest observation about the weather and takes a sip from her drink.

"What? Was that wrong of me to say?"

"Er, grandma... Logan isn't - he's not all that involved, so I'd prefer if you didn't refer to him as the father."

"Well, what am I supposed to refer to him as? He _is_ the father, dear."

Used to her grandma's games and ulterior motives, Rory leans forward in her seat in an effort to get closer to Emily. She reduces the volume of her voice and all but begs, "Please don't do this, okay? Not here, not now."

"All I'm saying is that you simply cannot deny biology." Jess tenses. Her words are too similar to the ones Logan threw at him, when they ran into each other outside the hospital. Rory places her hand on his knee under the table, trying to let him know that she's still right here with him.

" _Mom,_ " Lorelai cuts in. "You can't be serious right now."

Emily quietly fixes a plate for herself, as if she hasn't just set the stepping stones for a conflict, come the rest of the week. She doesn't make eye contact with anyone as she replies, "I'm merely voicing my opinion, Lorelai. Is that such a crime?"

Rory runs a hand over the side of her face in exasperation. She peers at Jess through her eyelashes to find him staring at the valuable pieces of china, his jaw set in a hard line, with Lucas still happily eating from the bottle. Rory tightens her grip on his knee and goes to place her head on his shoulder. He shakes her off a little, a weak grin curving on his lips. Rory knows he's trying to reassure her - when _he's_ the one that needs reassurance - but she doesn't buy it. Not for one second. She respects his need for space and leans back in her chair, her appetite long gone.

Boy, this is going to be a long trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: "I don't know when I'll be able to update again due to my classes starting up again."  
> Also me: *posts two days in a row*


	26. take this heart, put yourself in it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily reconsiders her ill-advised comments toward Jess. Rory and Jess experience a few firsts together as a new couple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning - this chapter is thirteen pages long in my Google Docs, so I'm sure it's bound to be a little lengthy here on AO3.
> 
> Sorry? You're welcome? Good luck?  
> Enjoy.
> 
> Also, thank you so much for 100+ kudos and comments! Your feedback keeps me going. I appreciate every bit of it.

The next few days are filled with tension and heavy silence. In fact, most days go on without a hitch because everyone seems to be avoiding each other. Rory feels like it's somehow her job to fix everything, yet she's at a complete loss on how to mend each relationship and friendship. It's not like Rory can force her grandmother to see Jess the way she does, but she can't just sit back and let Jess stew in his misery. She has to do something, but what?

After seeing Jess avoid Emily's line of sight once more, Rory decides to pull her mother to the side and speak to her. They find a moderately secluded corner to talk in private.

"I need to make things right. I need to fix this," Rory declares, crossing her arms. "Jess feels awful, which means I feel awful."

"Kid, you know your grandmother. It's going to take a lot more than just your word against hers."

"I know, which is why I need your help. Perform your motherly duties and give me advice."

Lorelai sighs and leans back against the wall. She purses her lips, thinking about how to _perform her motherly duties,_ as Rory would say. "Did you know that she didn't like Luke all that much when we first started dating? I mean, as friends, she had no problem with him, but when we became a couple, her opinion changed."

"Yeah, I think you told me that once."

"Honey, I think - I think she just needs to... see Jess with Lucas, with you."

"You think that'll work?"

"It's worth a shot. Luke grew on her as my boyfriend when she realized that he wasn't going anywhere, that he was always going to be there for us." Lorelai shrugs as an afterthought. "Biology doesn't mean anything."

"It means something," Rory mutters. "According to grandma, at least."

"No, it doesn't. It doesn't mean a thing." Lorelai recalls all the times Luke has been there for her and Rory, how he's treated them more like family than Christopher ever has. She steps forward and brushes some of her daughter's hair back, kissing her forehead. "DNA doesn't make a family."

**********************************

Later that afternoon, Rory takes Emily up on her offer to visit the lighthouses, with one condition - Jess tags along. Emily reluctantly agrees to Rory's lone condition before going off into the kitchen to make snacks for the trip. It takes a little more convincing on Rory's end to get Jess to agree, though he _does_ eventually agree to come with. Once she's successfully persuaded him to accompany them, Jess takes his leave to get ready while Rory dresses Lucas in proper attire. It can get windy down by the shore, so she makes sure to dress him in layers.

Downstairs, Rory helps Emily pack the car and Lorelai watches Lucas in the meantime. It doesn't take too long, considering all they really need are blankets and food. A few minutes after they finish loading the trunk, Jess comes down the staircase, hair still damp from his brief shower. Emily is quick to excuse herself, leaving Jess to stare hopelessly at Rory. She lifts a shoulder and offers him an encouraging smile.

"Try," she mouths in his direction.

Rory reaches for Lucas and says goodbye to Luke and Lorelai. Jess waves meekly at the couple, closing the door after he and Rory exit. Jess pauses on the doorstep, looking at the tail end of the car. It appears to be like any other vehicle, but Jess is starting to feel like his own personal doom awaits him. He pushes the feeling down and forces himself to take a step forward, and another, and another until he's standing at the backseat. Jess pulls on the door so it's fully agape, welcoming his potential ruination with open arms.

**********************************

Jess finally begins to see the appeal to Nantucket as he stands within a lighthouse, watching the waves crash against the rocks, feeling at peace with the world for the first time since they left Stars Hollow. He has Lucas strapped to his chest, facing Jess, eyes closed as the sound of the crashing waves lull him to sleep.

"Hey," Rory says from his right, placing a hand on his arm, "I'm going to go next door to the other lighthouse, just for a different view. Is that good with you?"

"Yeah, of course. Have fun." Jess bends down a little so Rory can kiss him on the cheek. She says a quiet hello and goodbye to Lucas while she's there, careful not to disturb him too much, before descending the spiral staircase. Jess returns his attention back to the abyss of water, watching as it comes and goes as it pleases.

"Is he asleep?"

Jess startles at the sound of Emily's voice. He thought she would have gone with Rory. He recovers as best he can and nods. "I think the warmth of the sun did him in."

"As it would with anyone," Emily laughs lightly. She comes to a stop by Jess' side, leaving a considerate amount of space between them, and rests her hands on the railing. She observes the nature in front of them, sighing blithely. "I was wrong."

"Sorry?"

"I said, I was wrong. Seeing you today - this past week, actually - with Rory and Lucas... You three make a... wondrous family. I had no right to antagonize you about Logan, or the science of it all."

Jess nods, picking at the peeling paint on the banister. "I have doubts myself, but... but it's, uh, it's different when it's somebody else exploiting your weakest points. It's like... it's like you confirmed what I already knew."

Emily's guilt mixes strangely with her sympathy for Jess. After watching him interact with Rory and Lucas for the last few days, spending the day with their little family today was the final straw. She's had the opportunity to see a different side to Jess, than the one she thought she knew, and a new side to her granddaughter. Emily had no idea that Jess has such concerns of his own, and she was wrong to use them against him, knowingly or not.

"I apologize. I'm a traditional woman, but my values and beliefs... they don't justify what I've said. Biology means very little when unconditional love is so rare." Jess stops his fidgeting and looks up at Emily, giving her his undivided attention. "And you... you love them both unconditionally. It's in the way you act with Rory, and how you watch over Lucas like a - a protector. _A father._ "

Feeling oddly emotional at Emily's revelation, Jess swallows past the lump in his throat. A light knock on the walls of the lighthouse reminds him to pull himself together. Emily and Jess glance in the direction of where the sound came from to see Rory standing there, a knowing smile on her face. She slowly walks toward Jess and loops her arm through his.

"I'm really feeling the love in this lighthouse tonight," Rory jokes, inhaling deeply as though she's taking it all in.

Emily smiles at her granddaughter, a small laugh escaping her. "You're a clever girl, Rory Gilmore."

Rory simply smiles wider in response and leans into Jess' side. Emily shakes a finger at her, letting her know that their discussion is far from over, as she leaves the watchtower. Jess silently kisses Rory's forehead and thanks her.

"We should go out," Rory announces unexpectedly while she guides them to the staircase.

"Are we not outdoors right now?"

"No, I mean _out-out._ To celebrate. If I can get someone to watch Lucas, it'll just be you and me."

"Huh. Like a date?"

"Exactly like a date," Rory commends. "And they say you're not smart."

Jess furrows his eyebrows as Emily's car comes into view. "Who says that?"

"You know," Rory answers vaguely with a wave of her hand, "...people."

Jess scoffs in offense and Rory laughs loudly, breaking free from his grasp. She takes off at a sprint, running like a little kid, racing toward the car. Jess chuckles as he speed-walks after her, mindful of a sleeping Lucas. Rory dashes to her grandmother's car, nearly out of breath when she taps her hand against the trunk.

"I win," she taunts breathlessly. "What's my prize?"

Jess shakes his head at his girlfriend, unable to stop grinning. He hooks one arm around her shoulders and pulls her in for a long, deep kiss. If Rory thought she was winded before, she's _definitely_ short of breath now.

**********************************

Luckily, Rory was smart enough to pack at least one sundress for this trip. It's a red sleeveless dress with black floral designs that reaches just above her knees, and it's as close to perfect as she's going to get for a first date outfit - especially on such short notice. Emily and Lorelai help her get ready, too. Her grandma lends Rory some jewelry and her curling iron, and Lorelai picks out a pair of sandals to go with the dress and curls Rory's hair.

"Rory, we're losing daylight here," Jess calls from outside their guest bedroom. She not-so-kindly kicked him out, leaving him to get ready in Luke and Lorelai's room.

"I'll be out in a second!"

"You said that ten minutes ago."

"What if I said that I really mean it this time?"

"I still wouldn't believe you," Jess laughs. His hand is covering the door handle, ready to push down and in, when the door abruptly opens. The sudden action causes Jess to stumble forward, tripping over his own feet as he incidentally enters the room. Thankfully, he manages to catch himself before he lands flat on his face, and straightens his posture. Rory stares at him with amusement dancing in her blue eyes.

"Walk much?"

"In my defense, I wasn't walking," Jess averts weakly. He acts as though he's brushing off the dust from his denim jacket while he takes a real glimpse at Rory. She smiles shyly and does a small twirl for him, the hem of her sundress swishing around her knees. "You look nice. Really nice," he compliments.

"Thank you. You clean up well."

"I do what I can."

Rory playfully rolls her eyes and grabs his hand. She says a goodbye to her grandma and mom, and Jess promises that they'll be back by eleven at the latest. That gives them four whole hours of alone time. He'll be surprised if they last that long, but it gives them some flexibility. The couple say one last thank you to Lorelai and Emily before turning down the hall, hands locked and satisfied smiles on their faces.

**********************************

By the end of hour two, the pair have managed to grab dinner from a food truck, explored the area a bit, browsed in a bookstore, and visited some souvenir shops. The last shop they stop at has a photo booth in the back, and Rory somehow convinces Jess that it would be a "great way to make memories." Her words, not his. Jess protests the whole time while she all but drags him toward the booth, wrenches the red curtain to the side and pushes him at the shoulders to sit down on the small bench. They go the whole nine yards - smiling, goofy expressions, kisses on the cheek - until their time runs out and the booth spits out their line of photos.

**********************************

At hour three, Jess and Rory decide to head back to Emily's house - or mansion, rather. When they get home at ten o'clock in the evening, Lucas is sleeping soundly in Lorelai's arms while she, Luke, and Emily sip on their mugs of coffee in the foyer. Jess and Rory quietly greet them and thank them once again for watching Lucas. Lorelai waves their comments off, and tells Rory that she'll put Lucas down for the night soon, so Rory doesn't have to worry about it, reminding the duo that they have another hour to waste, if they so wish.

Rory and Jess bid goodnight to all, and work their way up the large staircase. Neither utter a word until they come to a stop in front of their temporary bedroom.

"So, this is me," Rory says, jutting her thumb over her shoulder in the direction of the door.

Jess chuckles more so at her lame attempt of a joke, rather than the actual joke itself. The line is a classic ending to first dates everywhere. He maneuvers his way around her to push the door open, and Rory follows closely behind him, promptly shutting it behind them. She leans her back on the wood surface for a moment and kicks her heels up so she can remove her sandals.

"Thank you for tonight," Rory voices sincerely. She walks past the front of the bed to get to her side while Jess removes his watch and places it on the vanity.

"It was your idea."

"Yeah, but you didn't have to agree. Yet, you did."

Jess shakes his head, a benevolent grin twisting its way across his mouth. He walks the short distance from the bed to the recliner in the corner with the intent to lay his jean jacket over the back of the chair. On his way back through, he gently pinches Rory's chin and professes, "I'll take you on all the dates you want. Wherever you want to go."

"Famous last words," Rory tsks.

Jess' grin deepens as he frivolously hops onto the bed, over the sheets and blankets, and props an elbow behind his head with his gaze fixated on Rory. She inclines her head in question and squirms under the intensity of his stare.

"What?"

"What?" he mimics, feigning innocence.

"You know what. Quit staring at me, creeper."

"You're just so pretty," Jess excuses in a purposely airy tone.

" _Okay,_ I think it's time for bed."

Jess laughs and adjusts his position, imposing on Rory's side of the bed. He extends his hand for her to take. She does, wordlessly following his direction as though she's in a trance. Jess sits up a little and traces a path from Rory's palm, up her arm, ending at the apples of her cheeks. Goosebumps appear in his wake and Rory visibly shivers. With his touch as light as a feather, Jess brushes the pad of his thumb across her cheekbone, leaning in close enough so that the tips of their noses touch.

Rory's lips part on their own accord as her breathing starts to quicken in short, shallow breaths. She knows he's teasing her. Rory lifts her chin in an effort to bring her lips closer to Jess', hoping he takes the hint and puts her out of her misery. He doesn't. Jess senses the movement coming and pulls back slightly, just out of Rory's reach. She inwardly whines, her lips thinning in frustration. Jess lets out a low chuckle and slowly dips his head back toward her.

"Kiss me," Rory whispers in a pleading voice and then, remembering her manners, "Please."

Jess' mouth lifts at the corners in an arrogant smirk, but he obliges, nonetheless. Rory is quick to return the gesture, placing her hands near Jess' leg to anchor herself. He swipes at her lower lip with his tongue and when Rory grants him entrance, their tongues brushing faintly, her head goes dizzy with one goal in mind. She tugs at the end of his t-shirt and Jess lifts his arms, allowing her to take it off. The action leaves Jess' hair disheveled and Rory laughs a little at the sight as she throws the piece of fabric to the floor.

In one fluent motion, with more grace than she thought she had, Rory pushes Jess at the chest and straddles him with one leg on either side of his hips, towering over his seemingly composed form. Jess moves to grasp the backs of her thighs, his fingertips grazing the exposed skin until he reaches her lower back, covered by her dress.

"Unzip me," Rory breathes. Jess' fingers reach up to play with the zipper, but he doesn't follow through on her demand. She notices his hesitation and pulls away to get a good look at him. "What is it?"

Jess moves his hands to grip her waist. "I just... I don't want to move too fast. I mean, it wasn't too long ago that we were standing out in the rain, and I told you that I love you."

Rory could laugh. She feels like they're not moving fast enough. They wasted years in not being together. She trails her fingers down Jess' chest and stomach, stopping just above the top of his jeans. Rory musters up all of her courage and makes the first move. She languidly undoes his belt and pops the button on his pants.

"I love you," Rory reminds him - like he needs reminding, "and I want to be with you... in every way possible."

"Are you sure?"

"Are _you_?"

Jess snickers. "Like you have to ask. I only wanted to check, to see if we're jumping the gun here or something."

Rory clasps her hands behind his neck and kisses him. "Jump with me," she encourages against his lips.

Jess glances up at Rory, trying to gauge her current state of mind. Her eyes are wide and her pupils are dilated. Her lips are bright red and swollen, and her hair is a little knotted from Jess' hands catching the ends of it. Rory looks crazed, feral. _Alive._ Jess doesn't need any more convincing. He takes her by the nape of her neck and yanks her down to him, pulling at her zipper like she had originally asked him to.

"You brought -"

"Yes," Jess interrupts gruffly. "No more talking."

**********************************

Jess rolls off Rory with great strength, his damp hair sticking to the sides of his face. Rory works on catching her breath while Jess removes and disposes the condom, making a pit stop in the bathroom, before coming back to bed - still completely naked. Rory lets out a breathy laugh, unable to believe what they just did. She takes the sheet with her when she gets up, remembering what she was told about going to the bathroom after sex. After she's finished doing her business, Rory scurries back to the bed with the sheet still securely wrapped around her figure.

"Lose the sheet," Jess gently orders. "I want to see you."

"You _just_ saw me."

"Not like that, you perv. I need a few more minutes before I'm ready to go again."

Rory fights against Jess' pestering hands, but he's much sneakier than she is, as he soon pulls the sheet from her iron grip. She squeaks and hurries to dive underneath the blanket. Jess raises his eyebrows while Rory shrinks beneath his scrutiny.

"What the hell was that?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"You practically _flew_ under the blanket," Jess states. "And don't say it's because you're cold, because it's July."

"What if I was cold?"

"Rory."

She lowers the blanket from her chin until it's merely covering her chest. Rory sits up against the headboard, tucking the comforter under her arms so that it stays up. She brushes her entangled hair behind her ears, avoiding Jess' watchful eye.

"I... I don't look like myself. I don't look like I used to," Rory admits timidly.

"What?"

"Lucas' pregnancy gave me stretch marks and I know that's normal, but I - I still haven't lost all the weight I gained. While we were... you know, it was okay because your body was blocking most of the light, but now -"

"Rory," Jess interrupts. He pushes himself up the bed until he's sitting right next to her, shoulder to shoulder, and covers himself with the sheet from the waist down. "I love you... All of you."

"Okay, John Legend," Rory mutters.

Jess chuckles and knocks her shoulder with his. "I'm serious. Even though I don't agree, you're allowed to think those things about yourself. I'm not going to - to tell you that you're wrong, because that would be like... It would be like saying your opinion is wrong, or that it doesn't matter." Rory finally meets his stare, her insides turning to mush. "But for what it's worth... you don't need to worry about that stuff with me."

"Sap," Rory jeers.

His jaw drops in mock offense. "Don't be mean."

"I'm not mean. Maybe you're just sensitive." Jess grins as she pokes at his side. "What's that? Is that a smile?"

He rolls his eyes and pushes at her wandering hands. "I'm just... happy, I guess."

"Oh, you guess?"

"Don't push it."

Rory laughs and rearranges their positions. She slides down the bed, still facing Jess, while he hesitantly places his arm over her waist. She notices the subtle scrunch of his eyebrows as he looks down at where their bodies are connected.

"What? You act as if you've never cuddled before."

"I haven't."

"You mean... you've never held anyone like this? Nobody's ever held you?" Jess shakes his head and Rory's heart sinks like a stone. She signals for him to roll onto his side so that his back is facing her. Rory slides her arm under his and clutches him to her, pressing her cheek against his back. "Okay?"

"It's... nice."

Rory stifles a laugh and brushes her lips across Jess' shoulder blade, causing him to jerk a little. He tenses before relaxing again, leaning back into Rory's comforting touch. It's a foreign sensation, to be held like this - to be held at all - but he feels remarkably safe here.

**********************************

Rory wakes with a start when the bed is jostled, like someone is climbing back in. She clumsily turns on her side, squinting when she realizes the lamp sitting on the side table is on. When she adjusts to the light, coming to her senses, Rory focuses on the person in bed with her. Only, to her surprise, it's two people. Well, maybe one and a half. Lucas is contentedly laying on Jess' exposed chest, wide blue eyes staring back at her. Rory sits up against the pillows. She's since put on Jess' t-shirt from earlier, so she doesn't have to worry about giving anyone a wake up call, even though both seem to be familiar with her... parts.

"What happened to letting him cry it out?" Rory asks, her voice thick with sleep.

"I... plead the fifth."

Rory rolls her eyes, a contrast to the tired smile she wears. She makes sure to capture this moment for later. "You're better at... this than you think you are. He's always so calm around you. It's - It's like he knows he's safe."

Jess nods to show he hears her, but Rory's not positive that he's really _listening_ to her. She recalls how difficult of a time Jess has had this last month. The intrusive stares and comments that he's received have clashed drastically with his insecurities as of late, and Jess has lost each time, falling prey to others' opinions and his own distorted view of himself.

"I love you," Rory murmurs, reaching down to run her fingers through his hair, "and I know you're a good person. I know... how much you care for Lucas. I see it every time you hold him, I - I hear it in how you speak to him when you think I'm not listening. _I_ know, Jess. That's all that matters. Everything else... it's just static."

Jess doesn't dare look up at his girlfriend. He simply stares down at Lucas, who is now in the process of falling asleep on top of him. He nods again, feeling her nails graze his skin. Rory doesn't push him to answer. Good thing, too, because what does Jess say to that? Thank you? She continuously sees the best in him. When he thinks there's no light left amidst all the darkness inside of him, Rory manages to seek it out. Maybe he'll see what she sees someday.

**********************************

Jess looks out the backseat window, watching the scenery past by in a blur as Lorelai drives them back to Connecticut. The music in his ears fades as the song ends, just as Rory tugs on his hand, his arm wrapped loosely around her shoulders. He pulls out his headphones and glances at her. She holds up his phone, a notification lighting up the screen. He quietly thanks her and unlocks the device, opening his texts. It's a message from Andrea, reminding him that she needs an answer by tonight. Jess clenches his jaw and locks his phone.

"Who was that?"

"Andrea."

"What does she want?"

Jess sighs, playing with the ends of Rory's hair absentmindedly. "She wants to know if I've reached a decision about the brownstone."

His response throws Rory a little. She thought he would have closed on the place already. "You haven't given her an answer yet?"

"No. I have to get back to her by tonight, though, otherwise she -"

"Buy the brownstone," Rory cuts him off. Jess pauses with his lips parted. This is what he was waiting for, but now that it's happening, he's acting like he was just caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"What?" he chokes out.

"Buy the brownstone, Jess," she repeats warmly. Rory links their hands together over her shoulder. "Come home."


	27. i've been sleeping so long in a twenty year dark night and now i see daylight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory plans a surprise behind Jess' back.

"I like the new look," Rory compliments as Jess comes into view. The door to Luke's clings shut behind him while he approaches Rory, already reaching for her. Rory happily steps into his hold and stands on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck. "It's so... Ryan Gosling. The Notebook era, of course."

Jess raises his eyebrows, smirking slightly at the comparison. He recently closed on the brownstone, with Andrea's help, and on his way back from Wolcott, Jess decided to stop at a barber shop to get his hair trimmed. It's nice to have shorter hair again, but what's even nicer is that he won't have to endure the Tarzan film for another time and watch Rory hop around the living room, trying to point out the similarities between them.

"Is that a good thing?"

Rory's eyes spark as she pulls him closer to plant a kiss on his lips. Jess grins into the kiss and pushes her gently against the side of his car. He's half-tempted to open the backseat door and ask her to fool around a little, but thinks better of it, and pulls back.

"It's a _very_ good thing," she answers, tracing the outline of his mouth.

"Should I be jealous? Worried, maybe?"

Rory laughs and shakes her head. "I think Ryan is happy where he is, with Eva, and I know I'm happy with you."

"Well, as they say on Family Feud, good answer." Rory shakes with more laughter and Jess' smile deepens at the noise, placing a quick kiss to the corner of her jaw before pulling away, holding her at arm's length. "So, I have something for you."

"A present? I like presents."

"I know you do," Jess plays along. He reluctantly drops his touch from Rory to search his jean pockets. Rory watches him, both confused and intrigued. Is her present in his pocket? What kind of present is small enough to fit in there? Jess finally grazes the piece of metal with his fingertips and latches on. "Now, before I give this to you, I want you to remember that you can give it back."

"Are you going to pull a quarter out of my ear or something? Because I told you, when we first met, that if you ever want to speak to me again -"

"Relax. It's not a quarter, and I'm not going to magically pull it out of your ear."

"My nose?"

"Rory," Jess warns on a chuckle. Choosing to put them both out of their misery, he extracts her little gift from his front pocket. The metallic surface glints in the sunlight as Jess holds it between his fingers. Rory cautiously plucks it from his grip and inspects it.

"You... You're giving me a key?" Jess simply nods. "A key to... your heart?"

He rolls his eyes and Rory's favorite crooked grin falls into place. "Is this the part where I tell you that I can't give you something you already have?"

"Aw, honey. That's _so_ sweet."

"Yeah, yeah. It's also the last time I'll ever say something that cheesy, so remember it." Rory snickers, turning the key over in her palm. "It's a spare to the brownstone. I... I thought you might want to have a copy in case you ever want to visit your _sweet_ boyfriend in Wolcott."

Rory pushes off the side of Jess' car and throws her arms back around him. The people walking by the diner spare them half-glances at the sight of their PDA. Rory isn't overly fond of PDA herself - nothing flashy, anyway - but she's feeling a little loved up at the moment. Jess encircles her middle in response, stealing a kiss.

"Hey, speaking of presents... You have a birthday coming up."

"I've already had thirty some odd birthdays in the past. I'm okay with letting this one quietly pass me by, too."

"Well, I'm not."

"Funny, I don't remember asking you," Jess teases, lifting an arm to tweak her chin. Rory swats his hand away and pulls him closer.

"Jess, your existence is something to celebrate."

He sighs in exasperation. It's possible he won't be winning this one, but he's not giving up just yet. It is his birthday, after all. He should have some say, at the very least. "I - I appreciate you saying that, I do, but... parties and celebrations, they just aren't my thing."

"What if it was just us and Lucas? I could make dinner -" Jess quirks an eyebrow. " _You_ could make dinner, and I'll be in charge of cake and movies. We could make a whole night out of it."

"I guess... I guess that sounds all right."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he confirms, leaning in to seal the deal with a kiss.

**********************************

Rory isn't a good liar. She never has been and never will be. So, the fact that she's managed to keep Jess' surprise party from him is an absolute miracle. She's slightly upset with herself for lying to her boyfriend, given that he was crystal clear about not wanting a party, but well... Rory blames her mother for inheriting her stubbornness.

Rory double-checks that everything is set up and ready for when Jess comes home, which should be any minute now, and instructs everyone to hide. She turns off the lights and hurries to find her own hiding spot. Rory positions herself behind the wall leading down the hallway and waits. A minute or two later, she hears the key in the door and a click that tells her Jess is about to enter the brownstone.

"Surprise!" Rory yells alongside everyone else as the lights turn on.

Jess drops his workbag in shock and freezes in the entryway. He recognizes some familiar faces, so he doesn't have to worry about being robbed or anything, but what the hell are they all doing here? Taylor is the first one to come up to Jess, greeting him with a firm handshake while he wishes Jess a happy birthday. Jess pales as he connects the dots. Immediately, he seeks out his girlfriend's face among the sea of guests. It takes him a few beats, but his gaze eventually lands on Rory.

She waves sheepishly, fidgeting on the spot. Jess clenches his jaw in response. He disregards those that came for the party and marches toward Rory. It might be seen as rude, but he can address everybody later. Right now, he only wants to address one person - his girlfriend. Rory's breath gets caught in her throat as Jess grabs her hand, continuing to walk down the hall to his bedroom. Rory slowly enters the room while Jess shuts the door, locking it behind them. Beyond the wood, he can hear music start to play, signaling that the party will go on with or without them.

"Just us and Lucas, huh?" Jess starts. Rory hangs her head guiltily and he scoffs in disbelief, running a hand over his jaw in irritation. Jess puts his best foot forward and reins in his frustration, taking a deep breath. "Where is he? Lucas."

"He's with Paris at her house," Rory replies in a small voice. She steals a glance at Jess and notices the tick of his jaw, the flare in his eyes. "You're mad."

Jess exhales heavily, pacing a short path along his bedroom floor. "I'm not exactly thrilled. Rory, I specifically told you that I didn't want a party."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"Then, why did you -"

"I just... With everything that you've told me about your childhood, I couldn't stop picturing this - this hurt little boy, who - who probably never had a proper birthday party, who's parents probably forgot his birthday a fair amount of times," Rory explains at her usual, fast pace, pulling at her hair. She knew what she was risking when she organized this party, but she had good intentions. "I really just - I wanted to throw a great party for that little boy, for _you._ I wanted you to have a birthday worth remembering for once, and I'm really sorry that I went behind your back -"

Jess rushes Rory, gripping her by the waist with one hand and cupping her cheek with the other. He kisses her long and deep, and after recovering from her initial astonishment, Rory returns the kiss. Jess pulls away, resting his forehead against hers. His jaw is still clenched tight, but the tension is starting to leave his shoulders.

"Thank you," Jess murmurs.

"But you said..."

"I know what I said. Thank you."

Rory smiles weakly at him, a lone tear falling from the corner of her eye. Jess brushes it away and kisses both her eyelids in a surprisingly tender gesture, and then her nose. He brushes her hair back, hugging her to his front.

"Don't cry," Jess implores. "I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry."

"You didn't," Rory half-laughs, leaning her cheek on Jess' collarbone. She turns her head to gently kiss the skin there. "It just... It breaks my heart that you weren't dealt the best set of cards in life."

Jess doesn't reply. He doesn't exactly like it, either, but what can he say? His past is his past, and it's irreversible. He settles for comforting Rory, running a hand down her back.

"Your heart was in the right place." Rory nods against his chest and Jess releases her, holding her face in his hands. She plasters a smile on, but it's a little wimpy. Jess bends to kiss her nice and slow.

"You're not mad?" Rory whispers.

"I'm not mad," Jess affirms. "I wasn't happy at first, but... I - I understand why you felt compelled to throw me a party."

Rory's smile deepens. She inhales deeply and tries to collect herself. "I guess we should get back out there, then."

"Or," Jess replies in a suggestive tone, "we could stay here and make up."

"I thought we di - _Oh._ You mean...?" Jess nods and reaches for her waist again. Rory laughs, letting him pull her back in. "I should at least tell someone, make up an excuse or something, so they know we're not at each other's throats."

He hums low in his throat. "Hmm, kinky."

"Jess," Rory scolds as he pushes back her hair and kisses her neck. For a moment, she melts beneath his touch and kisses, before she remembers _why_ they'd be making up. "You're going to miss your party, though."

"Pretty sure I'll have another birthday next year. You can plan me a party then."

"Really?"

He pauses. "We'll work on a compromise."

Rory giggles lightly, feeling oddly giddy. She steals another kiss and rallies all her willpower, pushing at his shoulders. "I'm just going to talk to my mom quickly, and then we can really make up. I promise."

Jess groans, nuzzling the crook of her neck. "If you must."

"I must."

He steps back and lets Rory go, hands clasped behind his back. She kisses his cheek before unlocking the door and exiting the room. The music grows increasingly louder as she gets closer to the front of the place. It takes longer than she thought to find her mother. Rory pushes and shoves through the crowd until she reaches the kitchen, finding her mother fixing a drink at the counter.

"Hey," Rory greets.

"Hey! Where's the birthday boy?"

"He's, um... occupied."

"Is that code for something? Tied up? Handcuffed?"

"Mom," Rory whines. Lorelai shrugs, unbothered, and takes a sip from her drink. "Look, we're just going to slip away from the party for a little longer. Okay?"

"What? It's his party, you two can't just slip away." Rory gives her a look. "Oh. _Oh,_ I get it. You're going to... you know. Okay, have fun. Use protection."

Rory laments under her breath and turns on her heel, eager to get away from this conversation. She scurries down the hallway and back into the bedroom, locking the door again. Jess is laying down on the bed with his legs hanging off the edge. Rory quietly crosses the room and hops onto the bed next to him.

"Took you long enough."

"I was gone for, like, ten minutes."

"Exactly," Jess says as though it's obvious. He rolls onto his side, causing Rory to roll onto her back. "Ready to kiss and make up?"

Rory smiles at the sight of his boyish grin. It's a distinct difference from the frown he wore earlier. "I thought we were going to do more than kiss."

"We are," he answers simply. "I can show you, if you'd like?"

"You know what? I think I _would_ like that."

"Yeah?"

Rory nods and pulls him down to her, effectively ending their playful conversation for now.

**********************************

Jess and Rory get redressed in silence. They've been away from the party for a little over an hour, and seeing as it's Jess' party and Rory is the one who planned it, they're starting to look bad. Rory skitters across the hardwood floor to find her shoes while Jess turns on the lamp next to the bed.

"Rory?"

"Yeah?"

When Jess doesn't answer right away, Rory takes a break from her search to face him. His frown is back, which gives her pause.

"We're... We're okay, right? I didn't mean to lose it on you earlier, I was just surprised, which I get was the point, but -"

"We're more than okay, Jess." Rory approaches him from his place on the end of the bed. She worms her way between his legs and rests her hands on his shoulders. "You didn't... lose it as bad as you think you did." Memories of her arguments with Dean flash behind Rory's eyes. He'd just yell at her for the most part, and hardly ever attempt to talk it out rationally.

Jess dips his chin. "Even though I said I didn't want a party, your reasoning behind organizing one was... moving."

"I'm sorry I went behind your back to do it. I should have told you."

"There's always next time, I guess."

"Next time?" Rory asks hopefully.

"Next time."

Rory beams and sinks down a little to kiss him lightly. A sharp pinch on Jess' thigh has him pulling away, inhaling sharply.

"What was that?" he demands as kindly as he can, rubbing at the bite of pain.

"Sorry, I was just... seeing if you're real."

Jess snorts, a ghost of a smirk on his lips. "And what's the verdict?"

"You're a real boy, Pinocchio."

Rory vibrates with laughter while Jess shakes his head in awe. He runs his fingertips over the backs of Rory's thighs in an affectionate manner. How he got so lucky to be with someone who cares this much about him and thinks so highly of him, he'll never know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, since we don't know Jess' birthday, I did some research and even consulted Isa, and we all seem to think he was a late summer baby (August/September).
> 
> Yet another episode plot that would have been fun to watch, but we didn't get - Jess' birthday and his possible hatred for it until Rory somehow makes it better. ASP, when I catch you...


	28. when you wonder if i'm gonna lose my way home / just remember, that come whatever, i'll be yours all along

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tests and talks of their future threaten to derail the progress Jess and Rory have made in their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline update: it's the middle of September.

Jess sits in the middle of the spare room, trying to assemble the new crib he bought for Lucas, while Rory stands close by with the instructions. They've been at this for some time now, and the words are starting to look like gibberish to Rory. Jess exhales, tired, and signals for her to hand over the manual.

"I'm perfectly capable of reading instructions, thank you."

"The incomplete crib in front of me would say otherwise," Jess smoothly replies. Rory shoots daggers down at him and he notices, quickly adding a delicate term of endearment, "Sweetheart."

"Nice save," Rory mumbles with an eye roll. "I don't know why it's taking so long. Why can't we just - I don't know, create a system, where Lucas and I spend some days here and we spend the occasional night at my house."

"You just don't want to admit that you can't read instructions."

"Hey, I'm better at this than Luke is."

Jess snorts and tosses his tools to the side, standing up. He snatches the booklet from Rory and gently pushes her toward the door, telling her to check on Lucas. Rory knows he's trying to politely kick her out, but she goes without protest - after she sticks her tongue out at him - and turns the corner into the living room. Lucas is resting in his baby swing, playing with the toys on the handle above him.

"Hi, sweet boy," Rory coos, bending over him to say hello. He gives her a toothless smile in return, kicking at the air. A ding from her phone pulls Rory away from her son for a moment. Rory tickles Lucas' belly, resulting in an amused screech, before turning her attention to her phone. She pulls the device out of her back pocket and checks the notification. It's just her calendar, reminding her that she set a self-imposed deadline for a section of her book.

Rory huffs out a breath and deletes the event. She's been busier lately between Lucas, going back to work, and making time for Jess, that she's hardly written anything within the last few weeks. Rory is close to finishing her book, but it might have to wait a bit longer than she hoped. After the event disappears, Rory scrolls through the rest of her calendar to delete any more unsolicited goals. In doing so, one reminder catches her eye and in the process, upends her world. She glances at Lucas again to make sure he's still happy on his own, and when it's clear he is, Rory turns away and does the math. She's late. Like, _that_ kind of late.

"Hey, Rory!" Jess calls from the soon-to-be nursery. "Can you help me out here?"

Rory is pulled out of her nightmare and brought back to earth. She struggles to gather herself, but somehow manages to do it, smoothing down the front of her clothes nervously. She can't be pregnant. It's too soon, too fast.

"Rory?" Jess' voice sounds closer and Rory swallows past the lump forming in her throat, turning around. "Everything okay?"

She nods sharply and forces herself to smile. "Everything's great. Sorry, I... I was on the phone. I didn't hear you."

"That's fine. Can you just come help me with this real quick? I think I figured it out."

"Yeah, of course."

Jess disappears back around the corner and Rory releases the breath she was holding. Moving almost robotically, she puts one foot in front of the other and plasters on a brave expression, ready as she'll ever be to face her boyfriend and father of their potential child.

**********************************

Three days later, Rory can be found impatiently waiting outside the pediatrician's office, bouncing a grumpy Lucas in her arms while she anxiously paces. Lucas lets out a loud cry and Rory does her best to soothe him, keeping an eye out for Jess' car. As if sensing her growing frustration with him, Jess' car speeds down the road, swinging into the parking lot. Rory stops her pacing and strides forward to meet her tardy boyfriend. Jess catches her glare and immediately jumps into concession, apologizing profusely.

"Traffic was sh -" Jess cuts off, covering Lucas' ears, and whispers, "It was shit. I'm sorry. I drove as fast as I could without breaking any major laws."

Rory takes a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself, her nerves at an all-time high for several reasons. "Let's just go inside. We're already running behind schedule."

"You're upset."

"Yes, Jess," Rory hisses. It's one of the reasons why she's bothered, at least. "I _am_ upset. You said you wanted to come to his four month appointment, and I agreed with the impression that you'd be on time."

"I can't control Philly traffic, Rory, okay? I'm sorry."

"A simple phone call would have been nice."

Rory enters the building and heads directly toward the elevator that will lead them to the third floor. Jess silently follows her direction, feeling the tension radiating off her. He senses that her annoyance might be because of something else entirely, something more than just his being late, but Jess wisely decides to keep his mouth shut for now.

Lucas' health checks out at his appointment. His pediatrician says he's completely healthy and is around the average weight for his age. Rory makes another appointment and thanks the receptionist before leaving with Jess trailing behind her. On the way to Wolcott, Jess can still feel Rory's irritation with him, and by the time they arrive at the brownstone, Rory is going on almost an hour without talking or looking at him.

"Would you like to tell me what's really bothering you or should I guess?" Jess finally asks as they enter the house.

"You were late," Rory plainly answers. Now that the crib is complete, she goes to put Lucas down for a nap. After he's set with his favorite stuffed animal, Rory walks back out to Jess.

"You're this bothered because I was late for Lucas' appointment," he states flatly.

"Yes." Jess shifts his weight and gives Rory a look that says he doesn't buy it, crossing his arms. She sighs, fidgeting nervously. He takes a couple of cautious steps forward and grasps Rory's shaky hands in his. Alarms sound off in his head at the sight of Rory being so unsettled. She shakes her head, staring down at the hardwood floors. "No. No, it's not you. It's... it's me. I - I'm late."

Jess knits his eyebrows together in confusion. All this talk about being late is messing with his head. They've used the word so much this afternoon that he's not even sure he knows what it means anymore.

"Jess," Rory says with urgency, desperate for him to understand, "I'm _late._ "

He blanches when he realizes what she means and kicks himself for taking so long in doing so. "You... You're..." Rory nods once in confirmation. "But we - we were safe. We've never... How could..."

"I don't know," Rory practically cries. Ignoring his own apprehension for the moment, Jess shushes Rory and coddles her in his arms. Rory grips his shoulders, turning her face into his chest. "I haven't even taken a test, but the one time I was late in my whole life, Lucas..."

"It's okay," Jess mutters, and then because he doesn't really believe himself, he repeats, "It's okay. We'll, uh, we'll figure this out."

"What if I am pregnant? What happens then?"

"I don't know," he answers honestly, voice so low that Rory barely registers his words. Jess can feel himself start to pale at the thought that their whole lives might change after today. He has to remind himself that Rory hasn't taken a test nor has she seen her doctor, so nothing is set in stone just yet.

"Jess," Rory whispers when he's been silent for a while. "You still with me?"

"Yeah," he manages, still speaking in hushed tones like they're on the verge of uncovering a secret. "Yeah, I'm still with you."

**********************************

Rory tugs one of Jess' old band t-shirts over her head and pulls her damp hair out from the collar. The bathroom is still humid from her shower, so Rory cracks the door further and wipes the mirror, revealing her reflection staring back at her. Rory stares at herself through the glass, motionless. She pulls back strands of her hair with her brush and glances down at the floor, her gaze finding the trash can, where five negative pregnancy tests are on full display.

Jess ran out to the nearest store to buy her tests and Rory took them as soon as he got home. Imagine her shock when they all came back negative. If they weren't enough proof that she's not pregnant, Rory got her period ten minutes ago. Lucky for her, she always keeps a tampon or two in her bag. It's quite possible that the stress of being a new mother, and going back to work, and entering a new, exciting relationship put some stress in her life, causing her period to come later than usual. Some good, some bad - but stress, nonetheless.

Rory spares one last glimpse at the tests and turns off the light, exiting the bathroom. Jess is sitting up in the bed with the sheet bunched at his hips when Rory walks in. She hesitates in the doorway, debating on how to tell him she's not pregnant. Should she say it in a cheery way? A sad, but we can try later type of way?

"I've been thinking about... you know," Jess says, observing how apprehensive Rory is. "I know I didn't exactly jump for joy, but I - I want you to understand that if you are... If this is what you want... Whatever happens next, count me in."

Rory smiles slightly at his declaration. "You don't have to worry. I'm not pregnant."

"The tests were negative?"

"That, and Aunt Flo decided to come to town."

Jess smirks at Rory's substitution of words. "That's... That's good news, right?"

"It is." Rory nods, walking closer to the bed.

"You don't seem too happy by it. Did you want to have a baby?"

"I guess I'm still kind of shaken. This scare has made it clear that we should talk." Jess narrows his eyes, so Rory elaborates. "About our - our future, make sure we're on the same page with... everything."

"I'm listening."

Rory takes a seat at the foot of the bed in front of Jess, tucking her legs in. She fiddles with her hair as a way to lamely buy time. What if they're not on the same page? What if they don't want the same things? What happens to their relationship then?

"What if... What if I _was_ pregnant?" Rory starts quietly. "If I were to tell you that I'm 100% pregnant with your child, how would you react?"

"Well, um..."

"Yeah, I kind of gathered as much."

Jess' shoulders deflate in dismay at her gutted response. He hurries to get out from underneath the sheet and blanket, crawling over the mattress until he's right in front of Rory, knee to knee. Jess tilts her chin up with his fingers, cupping her cheek.

"Rory, I love you. I love Lucas. I love this - this little family we've made, but that... that is all I can give you right now." Jess drops his touch when Rory shrinks away. Why does he feel like he's losing her? "I mean, can you honestly say that you're disappointed? That you were ready for another kid so soon?"

Rory looks up to meet Jess' stare. She gives him a half-smile, understanding where he's coming from now. "No, I - I guess I wasn't ready."

"I'm not saying no or never. I'm just saying... I'm not prepared to expand on our family yet. Is that okay?" She nods, reaching for his hands. Jess' chest expands in relief. For a horrific second there, he felt like she was pulling away from him. "Look, why don't we pin this conversation for, I don't know, a year or two from now?"

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'd love for Lucas to have a brother or sister, and I'd... I would love to experience that. Just... not now."

Rory beams and crawls into his lap. Jess lays down with Rory half on top of him and half on the blanket. He holds her securely by the waist, his chin fitted to the top of her head.

"I'm sorry I had an attitude with you these last few days," Rory murmurs, nuzzling Jess' neck. "You didn't deserve that."

"I'd say we could make up the right way, but Aunt Flo is blocking me right now." Rory snickers into his collarbone, tightening her hold on him. "I'm just glad we're okay."

"We'll always be okay."

Rory lifts her head up to peek at Jess, who's already staring down at her. She smiles softly and rests her chin on her hand that's pressed against his chest. He grins a little, squeezing her hip. She closes her eyes, content and relaxed for the first time in days. Rory was wrong to think they wouldn't be on the same page before, and she was wrong to pull away, even if it was for an instant. Her path has always been intertwined with Jess', now more than ever.


	29. for the first time i had something to lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess looks after Lucas during his day off, but things don't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder, I do have a playlist for this fic, which you can find here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7qM3rL23ZdQk7e5LywCi3G?si=YIsKtwkMRG-VuLeLm17gwA
> 
> It covers all chapters that are posted and then some, if you want to check it out.

Ever since Jess' transfer papers went through not too long ago, he and Rory have worked out a schedule so that at least one of them can stay with Lucas while the other works. Today is Jess' day to stay home with the little guy, and it's Rory's turn to go to work. She's currently running around the kitchen, trying to make sure everything is set for Lucas, while simultaneously making sure she has everything she needs.

"I mashed up some bananas for him earlier and put the bowl in the fridge," Rory explains as she jogs along the kitchen tile, barefoot. "So, whenever you two are ready for lunch, that'll be ready for Lucas. Oh, but I want to know how it goes when I get back. It'll his first time trying mashed bananas."

"I will keep you updated," Jess affirms with a confident nod.

"What else am I missing?"

"Your head."

"What?"

Jess chuckles and stands from his place at the counter. He sets down his glass of juice and approaches his girlfriend, consoling her. Jess places his palms on her shoulders, ducking down enough so that they're on the same level.

"I have been alone with Lucas before, you know."

"I know," Rory answers on a sigh. "It's just our first day with the new schedule, and you've never been alone with him for longer than a few hours -"

"Rory, everything is going to be fine. I'll text you hourly updates and I will call you if anything goes wrong." She opens her mouth at the prospect of something going wrong, but Jess is quick to cut her off. "Keyword being _if._ "

Rory nods, leaning into the forehead kiss he gives her. She finishes getting ready, slipping on her flats. She says goodbye to her son and pecks Jess on the cheek as she passes by, grabbing her bag off the edge of the counter. When she's at the front door with her hand on the knob, Rory turns back around.

"Hey, you know that I'm not worried about _you_ being alone with Lucas, right? I trust you with him, as much as I would with anyone else. I'm just... I'm being a mom."

Jess smirks slightly. "I know. Now, go or you're going to be late."

Rory beams and blows him a kiss before leaving. Once the door shuts behind her, Jess shares a brief look with Lucas, who stares curiously up at him. Jess glances at the clock above the stove. It's 8:43 AM, and Rory isn't scheduled to get back until mid-afternoon. Lucas screeches playfully and taps his little hands on the table connected to his high chair. Jess averts his attention back to him.

"Well, what now?" Lucas simply stares back at him with wide eyes. "Movie marathon it is. I'll get the snacks."

**********************************

 _Toy Story 2_ continues to play in the background while Jess stands at the kitchen island, trying to make a dent in his new book. He and Lucas have already sat through the first movie of the series, and it's nearing lunch time now. Jess scribbles out a section in his plans and throws his pen at his notebook in frustration, watching it hopelessly bounce off the papers and onto the floor. Lucas looks away from the movie at the noise, kicking at the air in his baby swing. Jess exhales heavily and decides to put writing on hold for now. He slams his notebook shut and rounds the counter, heading toward Lucas.

"Ready for lunch, bud? Your mom made an awesome snack for you."

Jess takes Lucas in his arms and makes the transition from baby swing to high chair. He slides the table in and grabs the bowl of mashed bananas, testing the temperature to make sure they're not too cold. Jess took them out ten minutes ago so they could warm up a bit. Once it checks out, Jess feeds Lucas a spoonful, and he eats it happily.

Lucas makes some gurgling noises as he eats, munching contentedly on the snack Rory prepared for him. Jess puts the bowl down on the landing of his high chair to bend down, picking up the pen he threw. He walks around the island to clean up his belongings before turning back to Lucas. Jess reaches for the plastic bowl and glimpses at Lucas to see if he's ready for another scoop. Lucas coughs a few times and raises his hands toward his face. Jess slowly places the bowl on the counter surface while he surveys the situation in front of him. Lucas wheezes and coughs harder, his cheeks turning pink. A wave of panic hits Jess as he springs into action, quickly undoing the front of the chair so he can get to Lucas.

Jess takes him from under the arms, recalling what he read in those parenting books. He positions Lucas face-down along his thigh and pats his back several times in an effort to dislodge any and all pieces of banana. It takes a couple blows to the back until Lucas coughs up the remaining food that was blocking his airway. Jess' body relaxes in relief while he picks Lucas up in his arms, examining him for any further damage. His breathing is still choppy and his face is turning a bright shade of red. Jess turns his head, aligning his ear with Lucas' mouth, trying to listen closely.

When his breathing doesn't return to normal and his skin grows redder by the second, Jess hurries to grab their necessities prior to running out the door with Lucas in his grasp. He rushes to clip Lucas into his seat while concurrently taking his time in doing it correctly. Once he's certain Lucas is safely secure, Jess hops into the driver's seat, starts the car, and takes off in the direction of the nearest hospital.

**********************************

At the hospital, Jess throws the car in park and yanks the keys out. He scurries to get Lucas out of his seat, sprinting across the parking lot and through the hospital doors. Jess frantically looks around for any available nurse or doctor, but all employees seem to be busy with paperwork or other patients.

"Can I get some help here?" he shouts, continuing to walk beyond the hospital entrance. A nurse exiting a room down the hall notices him and comes running. Jess meets her halfway, attempting to rein in his hysteria.

"What seems to be the problem, sir?"

"He - he was choking on mashed bananas, so I gave him a - a couple light hits to the back and he coughed it up, but... but -"

"Sir, I need you to calm down. Okay?"

Jess inhales a shaky breath. "But now he's turning red and he sounds like he's having trouble breathing."

"Roll a stretcher!" the nurse yells. A doctor that happens to be nearby hears the order and follows through. The nurse, according to her name tag - Amy, catches the stretcher and turns back to Jess. She takes Lucas out of his arms and places him carefully on the bed. "Name and age?"

"Lucas," Jess chokes out, running his hands nervously through his hair. "Lucas Gilmore-Huntzberger. He's four months old."

"You're his father?" Jess freezes. He and Rory haven't spoken about labels yet. Amy must notice his hesitation, because she repeats, "Sir, are you his father?"

"Yes," Jess finally answers after a beat. "Yes, I'm his father."

Amy nods, inspecting Lucas while they talk. "How long has his breathing been labored?"

"Uh... A little over five minutes, maybe."

Jess follows Amy as she rolls Lucas down the lengthy hallway. When they come to a set of double doors, Amy holds her hands up to Jess, indicating for him to wait. A team of doctors and nurses approach Amy, and she passes on the information she knows. They take the stretcher Lucas is on and disappear around a corner. Jess tries to go after them, but Amy pushes him back.

"You can't go back there. I'm sorry."

"But he -"

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to go to the waiting room. When there's news, we will come find you."

"How long until then?"

"I'm sorry," is all Amy offers. She gives Jess a sympathetic pat on the shoulder and walks through the double doors after her team, leaving Jess to stand by himself while the rest of those in the hospital go on around him. His breath catches at the thought of Lucas being alone and scared, and he has to force himself to walk away. He runs a hand over his face as he walks to the waiting room, and further from Lucas. Jess blindly searches for his phone in his back pocket and unlocks it, bringing up Rory's contact information. He lifts the device to his ear as the first ring sounds out, prepared to beg for her forgiveness, even if he doesn't deserve it.

**********************************

Jess is sitting in the corner of the waiting room, bouncing his leg anxiously, when he sees Rory and she sees him. He stands at the same time she breaks out in a run. Rory doesn't slow or stop, colliding into him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Jess' arms remain limp at his sides. Rory pulls away and cups his face, examining him as though _he's_ the one who's in need of medical attention.

"Any news?"

Jess shakes his head. "Still nothing. He's been back there for almost an hour."

"Did you call Logan?"

Jess' lips twitch on their own accord. When he realized he didn't actually have Logan's phone number, and had to ask one of the receptionists to look through Lucas' file for it, he knew his fib about being Lucas' biological dad was over. Let's just say, if looks could kill, Jess would be long gone, given that the receptionist gave him one of the dirtiest expressions he's ever seen - and not the good kind.

"One of the receptionists did. I don't have his number saved, but he's listed as an emergency contact in Lucas' file," Jess elaborates. "They said he'd be here shortly. Apparently, he just landed in the area for business purposes when she called him."

Rory nods, taking a step back. She runs her palms down his neck until they're resting on his upper arms. "How are you doing?"

Jess scoffs lightly and physically removes Rory's touch from him, purposely putting distance between them. "Me? Your son is somewhere in this hospital _because_ of me and you want to know how I'm doing?"

"Don't do that," Rory insists softly, scowling. "He's not here because of you, Jess. It could have happened to any one of us. My mom, Luke, me."

"Yeah, but it was me, Rory!" Jess' voice grows louder. A pained expression crosses his features. "I was the one that was with him. It's my fault he's here."

"Stop!" Rory shouts in a hushed tone, trying not to draw unwanted attention. She watches Jess pace the length of the floor along the wall. "From what you told me on the phone, you probably saved his life."

"Because I was the one who put it in danger."

Rory's blood begins to boil. Their heated discussion is temporarily interrupted by a doctor, who nods in greeting. Jess slows his pacing and eventually comes to a stop near Rory's side.

"Lucas Gilmore-Huntzberger?"

"I'm his mother," Rory confirms.

"He's stable for now. Your husband did the right thing in getting him here so quickly." The doctor looks at Jess, causing Jess to promptly look away. He doesn't deserve to be praised for any of this. "It appears that Lucas had an allergic reaction to the bananas, which ultimately caused his throat to close up, resulting in the uneven breathing and splotchy skin."

Rory sighs in alleviation. "So, when can we see him?"

"I'd say in about ten minutes. We'd like to keep him overnight, too, just to make sure he doesn't have any further reactions. He should be out of the woods, but it's just a precaution."

"Of course. Thank you."

The doctor bids his well wishes and leaves them. Rory spins around to face Jess, forcing him to look at her by gently gripping his chin. Jess grudgingly meets her stare, but it's empty. His eyes lack their usual spark.

"See? He's going to be fine."

"I'm sorry," he says. "I'm so, so sorry."

Jess tucks his face in the crook of Rory's neck, and Rory softens. She hugs him to her, allowing him to take whatever he needs. Jess' chest rises and falls quickly as he fights off tears. He's on the verge of losing it in this very waiting room, in his girlfriend's arms, and yet, he can't find it in him to care. The only thing that stops him, that has him pulling himself together, is the booming sound of Logan's angry voice.

"What's your angle, man? Huh?" Jess releases Rory and turns around just in time to see Logan storming toward him. Rory immediately jumps in between the two, acting as a barrier. "Is this all some kind of sick game to you? A ploy? You put my son in the damn hospital!"

"Jeez." Jess rolls his eyes. "Are you _that_ dense? You think I did this on purpose?"

"Logan!" Rory seethes, shoving at his chest when he continues marching toward them, determined. He stumbles back a few inches, chest heaving with frustration. "Back off, okay? Jess would never hurt Lucas on purpose."

"Are you kidding me? You're going to defend him?" Logan jabs an accusatory finger at Jess, who is currently being shielded by Rory. "He could have killed our son!"

" _He_ saved _my_ son's life!" From her peripheral, Rory can see Jess slip out from behind her and walk away. She inwardly groans and shoves at Logan some more, but he annoyingly stands his ground. "Jess saved his life, and you will remember that the next time you try to come at him with some ridiculous allegation."

Having said all she needs to, Rory turns on her heel and runs down the hall that she saw Jess disappear through. She looks left and right for any sign of him. It takes a fair amount of time until she finds him near a vending machine, back hunched and arms crossed. She silently walks up to him, already reaching a hand out toward Jess.

"I didn't do it on purpose," is the first thing he says. It comes out mangled, like he's seconds away from crying. "I - I swear. I wouldn't do that."

"Jess..." Rory's heart sinks at how... broken he sounds. She's never seen him like this and she prays that she never has to ever again. It hurts too much. "I know you didn't do it on purpose. Logan's just trying to get inside your head."

Jess sinks down against the wall until he meets the floor. Rory kneels down in front of him, placing her hands on his forearms to balance her.

"Accidents happen," she continues. "Babies don't come with a list of allergies when they're born. It's a learning process."

"I just - I don't know. I feel like I'm... like I'm..."

"Failing?" Jess nods wordlessly as his frown deepens. "You're not failing, Jess. You're... You're the guy who bought parenting books and then tried to keep it a secret. You're the one who came with me to my doctor's appointments because you knew I didn't like going alone. You're the guy who finished Lucas' nursery while I was in labor."

Jess slowly looks up and Rory notices that his cheeks are wet. She sits down on the cold floor with him and wipes his tears away. Jess closes his eyes, secretly hating that she's seeing him like this - vulnerable.

"Well, Luke helped..."

"No, he didn't," Rory laughs lightly. "I love Luke and I don't doubt his love for my son, but painting and instruction manuals aren't exactly his forte."

Jess sniffles a little and Rory bends forward to lean her forehead against his for one peaceful moment. She lifts her arms to rest her hands on the nape of his neck, fiddling with the ends of his hair. Rory leaves a feather light kiss on his head, pulling back slightly.

"I love you," she whispers, lips brushing his skin with each word, "and I don't blame you. You... You are a good dad to him. I know we haven't talked about labels -"

"I told them I'm his dad."

"You did?"

Jess' mouth quirks at the corners. "Yeah. I did."

"How'd it feel?" Rory asks quietly. The hint of a smile plays on her lips.

"It felt... right."

Rory's heart breaks and mends itself all in one go. She can't help herself. She tightens her grip on Jess' hair and tugs his head back a bit, leaning in to kiss him. Jess raises his eyebrows, caught off guard by the movement, but he returns the action after a few seconds of surprise. Rory pecks him once more before completely pulling away. She retracts her touch to push herself up off the floor, and extends a hand out to Jess. He takes it and Rory helps him to stand.

"Come on. Let's go see our son."

Jess follows her lead, throwing an arm around her shoulders. Rory raises her hand to lock their fingers together over her shoulder, leaning further into his side. He brushes a kiss over the side of her head and Rory's eyelids flutter at the gesture.

"Thank you," Jess murmurs.

"For what?"

Rory looks up as Jess glances down. The color has started to return to his face, but he looks tired. Like he aged five years in just a few hours.

 _For loving me,_ Jess gives the soft, lovestruck answer in his head. "For... everything."

Rory beams and releases his hand, wrapping her arms around his waist while they walk through the hospital. She nuzzles her cheek against his chest and sighs.

"My pleasure."


	30. i'll give you anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess works on forgiving himself for what happened with Lucas. Rory celebrates Thanksgiving in Stars Hollow, while Jess travels to Philly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opening of the chapter happens at the end of October, and the following occurs during Thanksgiving weekend.

When they left the hospital with a healthy Lucas two weeks ago, Rory thought she and Jess would be able to put the banana incident behind them. She figured it might be the kind of story that they laugh about years from now, when they're all a little older. She was wrong. She noticed it as soon as they walked into the brownstone, and watched the progress all three of them made as a family, deteriorate. On their first night home, Jess made a sharp left down the hall, toward his bedroom, and stayed there until the next afternoon. When Rory asked him about it, Jess simply waved her concerns off and claimed he was fine. This sort of behavior went on for the next week.

The second week - this week - has been increasingly worse. Jess can hardly look at Lucas without a hurt expression and he refuses to be left alone with him, even if it's for a couple minutes while Rory showers. She's at a loss here. When they left, Rory thought everything was okay, or that it would be okay. She could have never predicted that things would go downhill so fast, and stay that way.

It's now nighttime, and Rory has just finished feeding Lucas his dinner. They normally eat as a family, but Jess is nowhere to be found, so Rory thought it would be best to at least feed her son and keep him on his routine. After Rory is done cleaning up after Lucas, she makes a split-second decision. She dresses Lucas in a coat and hat to protect him from the chilly fall weather, while she throws on a large sweater and shoves her feet into her boots. Rory doesn't bother in turning off the lights - she hopes they won't be gone long - but makes sure she has her spare key to the house.

Ever since Jess bought the brownstone, Rory has barely ever wandered past their road, unless it was for groceries or to bring Lucas to the local park. She doesn't believe she'll find Jess at the grocery store, so she makes a beeline for the playground. The streetlights help her find her way, lighting the path until they lead her straight to Jess. When Rory finds him, he's sitting on the swings, dragging his shoes through the wood chips. She clutches Lucas tighter to her side and crosses the grass. Jess doesn't notice her until her shoes scuff against the wood. He doesn't look up, but Rory knows that he sees them.

"We've been looking for you," Rory says. "You missed dinner."

Jess scrapes his shoes over the ground some more. "Well, you found me."

Rory sighs quietly. Unable to wait out his sulky etiquette any longer, Rory takes Lucas from underneath his arms and holds him out to Jess. He finally glances up at his girlfriend, a deep crease forming between his brows. Rory raises her eyebrows, waiting for him to take Lucas. Jess hesitantly lifts his arms and coddles Lucas against his front, a firm hand placed over his tummy to keep him in place.

"Now what?" Jess questions flatly.

"Now, you're going to stay here with him - alone - until you're ready to come home. He's been changed and fed, so he shouldn't get fussy anytime soon. If he gets tired, he'll fall asleep in your arms, like he does most of the time."

"What if... What if something happens?"

Rory's determined demeanor softens momentarily. "Jess, nothing is going to happen. You need to do this. You have to learn how to be alone with him again."

"And you think this will work?"

"I think it's a start. You have to be able to forgive yourself. You don't realize it, but you're... you're pushing him away, which means you're pushing _me_ away."

Rory pauses, looking down at her two favorite men. Her heart breaks for Jess and what he lost on the day of Lucas' accident, but that's exactly what it was - an accident. Jess blanches, taken aback. He honestly didn't realize he was doing such a thing, but now that Rory has pointed it out, he's rethinking everything he's said and every move he's made since they got home.

"And I can't - I can't do that. I can't be with someone who's going to..." Rory's voice cracks as she pleads with him, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. She tries to discreetly wipe away the stray tear that managed to fall, but Jess notices. Rory exhales, closing her eyes for a second before opening them again. "This isn't an ultimatum. I'm not saying that if you love me... if you love Lucas, you'll do this. It's - It's up to you. It's your choice."

When Jess doesn't move, Rory nods. He's made his choice. She slowly backs away, smiling sadly in his direction. Jess tightens his grasp on Lucas, wishing the little guy could understand him, if only so he could apologize, so he could make Lucas understand how sorry he is.

"Everything else is just noise, Jess," Rory reminds him in a gentle tone. She crosses her arms, feeling cold of all of a sudden. "I don't blame you. I have _never_ blamed you."

"Rory -"

"Just... Make sure to come home soon."

Jess' jaw clenches as he fights back tears of his own. Rory waves at Lucas and then turns on her heel, practically running back toward the road, finally allowing her tears to fall freely. Jess watches her leave, and when he knows she's gone, he releases the ragged breath he was holding. He lets himself feel... everything. He lets himself drown in the betrayal, the hurt, the anger, _everything._ Jess lowers his head, using his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, hoping the brief sense of pain will distract him. It doesn't, and for the second time this month, Jess cries.

**********************************

Rory is attempting to watch television while she waits, but she keeps thinking about what she did, the Pandora's box she just opened. Did she handle things correctly? Should she have continued to wait Jess out? Was she too pushy? Rory bites recklessly at her fingernails, a habit she thought she broke long ago. When the front door opens mere minutes after she left Jess, Rory gasps lightly and shuts the television off. She sits up straighter on the couch, waiting. The first thing she notices is Jess' bloodshot eyes. Her breath catches as she silently watches Jess walk around the coffee table. He takes a right down the hall, toward the nursery. When he returns, he's without Lucas.

Rory stands, ready to apologize profusely and assure him that he can take all the time he needs, but what happens next surprises her. It steals her breath, her words, and her heart. Jess rushes her and pulls her into his arms. He buries his face in the crook of her neck, apologizing countless times. Once she recovers, Rory shushes him and runs a hand down his back, the other hand in his hair. Jess' body shakes with each cry he lets out, causing Rory to hug him tighter, trying to put all of his pieces back together.

"I'll do better," he promises. "I haven't forgiven myself. What happened will always be there... in the back of my mind, but... I - I want to do better. I _need_ to be better."

Rory smiles as she rests her chin on his shoulder. She closes her eyes, remembering this moment for when things get tough again, because she's sure they will. Maintaining a healthy relationship is hard work, and sometimes it doesn't seem worth it, but it is. For moments like this, it is absolutely worth it.

"That's all I needed to hear."

**********************************

"Are you sure you don't want to wait until after Thanksgiving? I could come with and help you pack the rest of your things."

"I'm sure. It won't take longer than this weekend, and I'm positive Chris and Matthew are just _dying_ to help me out," Jess answers as he slings his bag over his shoulder. "Make sure to tell Luke I put a surprise in the pie."

"You didn't... Did you?"

"No, I didn't actually put a surprise in there. I know how serious you Gilmores are about your pie, but it'll mess with him a bit and you'll get a good laugh out of it."

Jess tweaks her chin teasingly and Rory snickers, swatting his hand away. He chuckles, catching her hand and tugging her toward him. She goes willingly, hands on his toned chest, as she leans in for a deep kiss. Rory hums, satisfied. Over the last three or so weeks, they've made up and Jess has kept his word. He's been trying with Lucas, and he's made a lot of progress thus far, from what Rory's seen and heard.

Jess is going the extra mile this weekend, though. He and Lucas are traveling to Philadelphia to get the rest of Jess' belongings, and to spend some time with Matthew and Chris. Jess calls it a _guy's trip,_ meaning Rory isn't invited. Although, she's sure if she pushed hard enough and slid in a bribe or two - the sexual kind, of course - Jess would be more than happy to have her join them. But this will be good for him and Lucas, it'll give them time to bond by themselves.

"Please be safe," Rory murmurs once they pull away, "and make sure to text or call when you get there."

Jess smirks slightly at her protective motherly instincts coming out. He walks around her to pick Lucas up from his swing. Rory follows them out the door and down the short staircase, watching Jess strap Lucas into his seat. She sneaks past to kiss Lucas on the forehead, and then kisses Jess goodbye. Jess promises that he'll be in touch soon and tells her he loves her. Rory returns the phrase of endearment with a lovestruck smile, waving as his car heads down the street.

**********************************

When Jess pulls up outside of his apartment building, he idles near the curb for an instant, taking in his surroundings. This weekend won't be his last time in Philadelphia, ever, but it's bittersweet. To know he's leaving the life he made for himself for a life with Rory - his past, current, and future, this weekend is a little sentimental. A few swift knocks on the back of his car has Jess turning off the ignition and stepping out.

Chris and Matthew stand near the trunk, shit-eating grins on their faces. Jess rolls his eyes, popping the trunk and unlocking the doors. He should have known it was them. Matthew greets him with a hug and a slap on the back, while Chris offers him a ruffle of the hair as he holds a large case of beer in his other hand.

"Happy Thanksgiving, man!" Chris shouts.

"Yeah, Happy Thanksgiving."

"Is that him? Rory's kid?"

"That's _our_ kid, yes."

Matthew peeks through the glass, making faces at Lucas. Eventually, he wrenches open the door and looks to Jess for permission to hold him. Jess nods and watches him undo Lucas' seatbelt, taking the kid in his arms. Jess maneuvers around Matthew to grab his duffel, Lucas' bag, and a few boxes for packing. Chris reaches for the rest of the boxes in the trunk with his free hand, and Jess closes it, locking the car afterward.

"Shit, Jess. You're a _dad,_ " Matthew says over his shoulder as they walk into the building.

"Yeah, I guess I kind of am."

Chris nudges Jess' shoulder while Jess' mouth quirks into a proud little smirk. They all trek into the building and up the stairs until they reach Jess' apartment. He shuffles through his keys before finding the right one, aligning it with the key opening, and turning. Chris pushes ahead of the rest, complaining about how heavy the beer is. Jess snorts as he puts his stuff down in the living room area, mumbling a few insults on his way by, which results in a shove from Chris.

Chris uncaps a beer, getting the day started early, while Matthew takes a seat on the carpet with Lucas in his arms. Jess whips out his phone to send a quick text to Rory, telling her that they made it safely. He looks back up, sighing to himself. It's looking like he's going to be doing most of the packing himself. He sheds his leather jacket and throws it near his bag, getting started.

**********************************

Rory excuses herself from the table as a text from Jess comes through. She enters the privacy of her bedroom and opens the message. It reads, _We're here. BTW, I forgot to mention before I left - Happy Thanksgiving._

Rory smiles to herself and types back, _I'm thankful for you._

A few minutes later, Jess responds with, _Cheeseball._

Rory rolls her eyes and sends back the typical response, _You love it._

Jess writes back, _Close. I love **you**._

And what else is Rory left to do, but reply with, _I love you, too._

**********************************

At the end of the weekend, Rory is still stuffed from Thanksgiving day and is ready for Jess and Lucas to get home. She's looking aimlessly through the cabinets, bored, when she hears the sound of keys in the door. Excitedly, Rory meets Jess at the door. When he pushes it open, Rory launches herself at him. It's pure luck that Lucas is asleep in his carrier, by Jess' feet, when she does. Otherwise, they'd have a problem. Jess is quick to react, wrapping both arms around her waist while Rory hooks her legs around him.

"Well, hello to you, too."

"Hi," Rory greets, giddy.

"Miss us?"

"Immensely."

Jess laughs as Rory pulls back enough to kiss him. He returns the gesture, walking further into the house to set her down. Rory waits with a big smile on her face, staring at Jess while he picks up Lucas' carrier and closes the door behind them.

"Where's your stuff?"

"I'll get it later," Jess replies with nonchalance. "I have something else I want to do."

"Yeah, like what?"

He nods toward the bedroom and waggles his eyebrows playfully. Rory shakes her head at him, laughing lightly. Jess quietly walks toward her and picks her up over his shoulder. Rory has to cover her mouth to stop the shriek from leaving her, surprised at Jess' sudden authority. In the bedroom, he gently drops Rory on the mattress and closes the door, leaving it open just a crack so they can hear Lucas if he wakes up. He climbs on the bed next to her, leaning down to place a kiss on her lips.

"I love you," Rory declares in awe as he pulls away. She lifts an arm, resting her hand at the back of his neck, "and I'm so proud of you."

"I love you."

Jess grins as he bends down to capture Rory's lips in a kiss once more. Rory arches her back and pushes at his shoulders, resulting in Jess laying on his back while Rory sits atop of him. Her off the shoulder sweater dips some more while Jess pushes himself up to brush away her hair, further revealing her skin in the process.

"What is it?" Rory asks, noticing how he's slowed down. They only have a limited amount of time when Lucas is asleep, since they never know when he'll wake up.

"Just... thinking."

"About?"

"Move in with me," Jess warmly requests. "Most of your things are here anyway."

A shocked laugh leaves Rory, but when she realizes that he's not joking, her laughter abruptly stops.

"But I... I leave hair in the shower drain."

"I'm capable of cleaning it out."

"And I never clean up after I eat breakfast."

"I don't mind."

"I hog the covers. Actually, I hog the whole bed," Rory points out with wide eyes. "Some mornings, I wake up on your side of the bed with no recollection as to how I ended up there."

Jess simply laughs, running his hands up and down her back. "Is that a yes?"

"Well... If you can live with all of that."

"I think I can."

"Then," Rory beams, her body buzzing with the prospect of living with Jess, "yes. I will move in with you."

"I was hoping you'd say that."

Rory eagerly leans in to kiss him and Jess falls back against the bed, his head hitting the mattress. Just as they get started, a cry can be heard through the crack of the door. Rory pulls away and rests her head on Jess' chest, pouting.

Jess lightly pats her backside. "Your turn."

Rory huffs at their alone time being ruined, quickly stealing another kiss before leaving the warmth of his touch. Jess leans back on his elbows, watching her exit the bedroom. He can't help but smile to himself. He's a little upset that they didn't finish what they originally came in here for, but this is their life. This is what they signed up for. It's a little messy and complicated, with moments in between that make it all worth while. It's their version of perfect, and Jess wouldn't change it for anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two more chapters to go...


	31. two minds and all the places they have been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess and Rory start their lives together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things to note before we begin.
> 
> First off, this chapter is very long. it's about twenty pages in my Google Docs, so...
> 
> Secondly, this is basically a domestic montage as Isa would call it. It's an insight to Jess and Rory's lives without all the extra filler chapters. So, expect a lot of time jumps (don't worry, I will type out where we are in the timeline).
> 
> Thirdly, the use of asterisks (*) indicates a small time jump within that specific month. The use of plus and minuses ( - + - ) indicate the larger time jumps. I hope that doesn't get confusing, but if it does, don't be afraid to ask any questions. I'd love to help clear anything up.
> 
> Lastly, there is a mention of m*scarriage, so please be aware of that as you read.
> 
> Okay, enjoy! One more to go after this, so soak it all up while you can.

**Beginning of December, 2017**

On Saturday, during the first week of December, Rory officially moves in with Jess. She had been slowly moving her belongings into the brownstone, but now she's all in. Lorelai managed to complain the whole time while barely lifting a finger and Luke argued with Jess over his furniture placement. Rory was pretty much on her own as Lorelai flipped through a magazine, and Jess did his best to block out his uncle's advice while holding Lucas in his arms.

By moving everything herself with the occasional help from Jess, and sometimes Luke, it took about three hours to get all of Rory's personal possessions situated. It's late in the afternoon by the time Rory crashes on the sofa, limbs sprawled over the edge. Jess plops down next to her, lifting her legs before sitting, and then dropping them back over his lap.

"Lucas is down for his nap, and your mom and Luke are picking up some food," he announces on a sigh. "They should be back soon."

"Food," Rory grunts like a cavewoman, her cheek pressed into the cushion. "Food is good."

Jess grins, tickling at the exposed skin of Rory's ankle which causes her to let out a shrill squeal, kicking at the air for good measure. "Figured you might say that."

Rory lays there, content and tired, while Jess runs a hand up and down her side in a soothing manner. She's half-asleep as it is, but she opens one eye to look at her boyfriend. Jess is staring off into space, hand moving lazily across her clothed ribcage. Rory softly smiles to herself. She's not sure Jess even realizes what he's doing. She sits up, adjusting her body position so she can wrap her arms around Jess' neck, legs still draped over his.

"I love you," Rory says, kissing his scruffy jawline before pressing her nose against his cheek.

Jess smiles, squeezing Rory's thigh. "Good thing. We just moved all your stuff in here."

"More like _I_ moved all of my stuff in here. You bickered with Luke for most of it."

"He thinks that just because he owns a diner, he knows all about furniture placement."

Rory snickers quietly into Jess' neck. He huffs, obviously fired up over the subject at hand. A moment later, the door opens and Lorelai screams that the food is here, even though she can clearly see them from the entryway. Rory exhales and stands, extending out her hand for Jess to grab onto. He does, pulling her back as he goes. Jess wraps his arms around Rory from behind, pressing a kiss to her temple.

"I love you, too."

Rory hums in acknowledgment, walking side to side in a slight wobble since Jess is still hugging her. "Yeah, I guess I kind of tolerate you."

Jess grumbles and playfully bites the side of Rory's neck. She yelps and spins in his arms, a shocked expression on her face.

"Jess!"

"Say you love me," he teases, guiding them toward the kitchen, where the rest of their family is.

"I love you," Rory rushes and then adds under her breath, "Brat."

Jess' jaw drops in dramatic fashion and Rory scurries out of his grasp before he can react any further. She comes to a stop near her mother and makes grabby hands for a plate. Lorelai notices and picks up a clean dish, handing it to her daughter.

"Cruel woman," Jess mutters in passing, sneaking a quick kiss to her cheek on his way past.

Rory flushes despite herself and Lorelai rolls her eyes, telling them to get a room. Luke immediately cuts in and claims that there will be no "room getting," inevitably starting a discussion between him and Lorelai. Jess glances back at Rory while he reaches for a carton of Chinese food. Rory wiggles her eyebrows, laughing lightly.

Jess takes a bite of his meal, smirking. "Later?" he mouths discreetly.

Rory nods and mouths back, "Definitely."

\- + -

**Christmas, 2017**

Rory conceals her grin behind her coffee mug, watching the thick snowflakes fall from the sky and land on the pavement outside. If her mom were here, she would say something along the lines of, "I smell snow," like she always does. As a teenager, Rory never quite understood the contentment Lorelai got out of watching snowfall. But now, looking at the snowflakes trickling down from the comfort of her own home, Rory thinks she finally understands.

"Merry Christmas."

Jess hooks an arm around Rory, holding up a gift. It's in the shape of a rectangle and poorly wrapped. Rory stifles her laughter at the wrapping job and sets her mug down on the windowsill, accepting the present. Her boyfriend smiles sleepily and sits on the arm of the couch, waiting for her to open it. Rory turns as she tears into the paper. She pauses when she realizes what Jess has done.

"It's... It's my book." Rory looks up at Jess with big eyes, her mouth open just so. He nods, a small grin tugging at the corners of his lips. She smiles widely, brushing the pads of her fingers over the cover. "How did you...?"

"I was in talks with an editor and artist," Jess casually admits. "I put a rush on it so that it was ready for Christmas. This is sort of a prototype, so to speak."

"I can't believe this." Rory stares at the paperback in astonishment, taking a moment to compose herself to a certain extent before launching herself at Jess. He barely has time to catch her, let alone steady himself so they don't fall to the hard, unforgiving floor. "You - you sneaky, secretive man."

"Was there supposed to be a compliment in there somewhere?" he asks, raising an eyebrow. "A thank you, perhaps?"

Rory laughs as they fall sideways onto the soft cushioning of the sofa. Jess pushes himself up so he's sitting with Rory in his lap. She wraps her arms around him and he locks his hands behind her back.

"Thank you," Rory gives him what he's looking for. "Although, I am a little bummed to admit that you beat me in the gift department this year."

"You didn't have to get me anything." Rory shoots him a stern look and climbs off his lap. This coming from the man who's probably never had a proper family Christmas. Of course she was going to get him a present. Once Rory's retrieved his gift from underneath the tree, she walks back over to Jess and hands it to him. He slowly takes it while she sits on the edge of the coffee table. "Thank you."

"You haven't even opened it yet," Rory replies in a light tone. "What if you hate it?"

Jess tilts his head as if to say, _How could he?_ and lowers his gaze to Rory's present. He pulls the paper from the small package, revealing a plain blue box. He pops the top off it and takes a look inside.

"A compass necklace?"

"Yeah," Rory answers shyly, shrugging her shoulders. "Just, you know, in case... in case you ever feel lost, you'll know that - that there's someone waiting for you at home."

Jess grins at her explanation and slides the silver chain over his head, the compass sitting proudly in the middle of his chest. Rory beams, leaning forward to grasp the circular charm between her fingers. Jess surprises her with a kiss that leaves her dazed, cupping her cheek as she holds the chain of the necklace.

"My own personal way back home," Jess murmurs, nudging his nose with hers.

"Aw, you softie."

"Excuse me?"

"It's okay," Rory encourages. "You can admit it."

Jess chuckles low in his chest and leans back in. "Only for you, it seems."

\- + -

**Beginning of March, 2018**

Jess rests a hand on Rory's lower back as they walk into the animal shelter. Two weeks ago, Rory voiced how much she misses Paul Anka, and got this brilliant idea that she and Jess should get a dog of their own. Jess doesn't mind animals - except swans, so all it took was a simple nod of the head for Rory to set her idea in motion.

The shelter employee guides them to the kennel area, where they keep the animals that are waiting to be fostered or adopted. Jess and Rory are met with a bunch of barks and the sounds of whining and whimpering. Lucas' head just about spins on a swivel as he tries to keep up with all the noises.

"What do you think?"

"This is your show, babe. Whichever one you like is the one we'll adopt."

"But how do I know which one is the right fit?"

Rory walks down the aisle of kennels with Lucas on her hip. He makes his own noises to keep up with the barking and carelessly throws his hand in the direction of a certain kennel. Beyond the wire is a young Golden Retriever, laying down on their bed. Rory nears the fencing and bends down to get a better look at the pup. Lucas squirms in her arms, so Rory adjusts him in her grip so that he's standing against her front, with Rory firmly holding his hands. He's bound to take his first steps by himself any day now, but he still seems to need Rory or Jess' help.

"What do you think, buddy? Is this the one?" Rory quietly asks. The dog's tail starts to wag and she smiles at the sight. Rory turns to the employee, Sara as per the tag on her shirt, and asks about the Golden Retriever.

"His name is Milo and he's just turned one. His previous owners had to give him up due to their housing not accepting pets, but he's very gentle and he plays well with other dogs, and children." Rory nods and looks back to the dog in question. "Milo is up to date with all his vaccines and he's been fixed."

"He sounds like a great dog," Rory says. "Can we open the kennel door?"

"Usually, with other dogs, I would recommend keeping the door shut, but Milo's been known to be extremely good off the leash. So, yes. You can open the door."

Rory takes Lucas' hand and walks to the side of the door, unlocking it. Milo's ears lift in curiosity at the action and he stands. Rory beckons him with a soft voice until he's completely out of the kennel. Naturally, he walks toward Sara first since he's the most familiar with her, before coming back to Rory and Lucas. Rory holds out her hand so that he can sniff her, but Milo still decides to remain a few feet away. Lucas sways in her grasp, like he's trying to get away. Rory tentatively releases her hold on his hands, but stays nearby just in case. Lucas takes one small step and then another, and another, until he's standing in front of Milo.

Rory looks back at Jess in amazement. He's wearing the same proud smile as she is. She glances back at her son to see him interacting with Milo, who is now sitting, letting Lucas pet him. Rory stands to pet Milo herself, scooping Lucas back up into her arms.

"Him," Rory simply says. Her son just took his first steps toward _this_ dog. That has to be a sign, right? "We'll take Milo."

Sara beams and leaves to get the paperwork set. Jess rushes Rory and together, they huddle around Lucas, praising him for taking his first steps all on his own. He gives them a gummy smile in return, and even Milo lets out a few eager barks.

\- + -

**May 15, 2018**

Rory sings the happy birthday song along with the rest of her family, while Logan carries in Lucas' cake, topped with flickering birthday candles. Behind him, Jess hoists another cake in his arms, setting it down on the patio table. After they finish the song, Rory helps Lucas blow out his candles and taking his first bite, icing getting caught on his cheeks and chin. Laughing a little at the sight, Rory takes a seat next to him and accepts her own slice of cake from Jess.

"Happy Mother's Day," Jess whispers, kissing Rory's cheek as he sits in the chair to her left. Milo follows close behind and lays down next to them on the cool pavement. Jess reaches beyond Rory and tugs gently on the sleeve of Lucas' shirt, wishing him a happy birthday. Mother's Day was actually a few days earlier, but Emily decided to conjoin the two celebrations for today - Lucas' birthday.

Emily's Nantucket home provides a substantial amount of shade from the blazing sunlight while the Gilmore-Mariano-Danes family, and Logan and Odette dig into their dessert. At first, it was more than a little awkward between Rory and Odette, seeing as she was the other woman for a while, but after apologizing and talking more, Rory and Odette have become quick friends.

Jess only ends up eating half of his piece of cake, offering the rest to Rory, who gladly takes it off his hands. When she finishes, she pushes their plates to the side and angles her body toward Jess. The others continue to talk amongst themselves, and Lorelai predictably cuts another large slice of cake for herself.

After cleaning up and opening some presents, Rory and Jess abandon ship, and decide to take a walk on the beach nearby. Logan volunteered to watch Lucas so they could be alone for a bit. It's windy near the shore, leaving Rory to draw her cardigan tighter around her. She holds it closed with one hand while the other grasps Jess', swinging their arms back and forth between them.

"Do you really think Lucas is okay with Logan? It's the first time Logan has been left alone with him."

"I'm sure they're fine. Besides, it's not like Logan's completely alone. If something happens - which I'm sure nothing will - then he'll have help."

Rory nods, the wet sand squishing between her toes. She inhales and exhales deeply, the smell of saltwater surrounding her. She drops her sandals to the sand next to her and wades through the shallow waves. Jess follows suit, still holding onto her hand.

"You're right. I know you're right."

"Of course I am," Jess sarcastically boasts. In the distance, the sun begins to set, coloring the earth around them in brilliant shades of red, orange, and yellow. Rory watches the sky turn colors in awe. Jess notices her starstruck expression and chooses to tease her a little, kicking some water in her direction, causing her to shout in surprise.

"Jess! Oh, you are _so_ going to pay."

"Please, you're all talk."

"Oh yeah? You want to put your money where your mouth is?"

"Technically, my money is your money. We have a joint account now, remember?"

Rory shakes her head, laughter bubbling at the surface. She gets a running start at Jess, roughly placing her hands on his shoulders before jumping. He stumbles slightly, but never falls. Rory laughs loudly as Jess hikes her further up his body until she's completely in his arms, bridal style. He acts as though he's going to drop her in the water, and Rory's eyes widen.

"You wouldn't."

"Baby, I think we both know that I would."

"Jess, don't you -"

He walks further into the water and drops her. The ocean isn't terribly deep, still shallow enough to stand up. Rory breaches the surface and catches her breath for a second, then tackles Jess with enough force that he goes down this time. When they both come back up for air, they're laughing and pointing fingers at who started what.

"Crazy woman," Jess mutters with a grin. Rory swims to him and hooks her legs around his waist. He makes sure she's nice and secure prior to walking the short distance back to shore. "See what you did? Now we have to walk back like this."

Rory unhooks her legs and slides down the length of his body until her feet touch the sand. "Excuse me? You started it by kicking water at me."

"It was just a little fun. _You_ started it by jumping on me."

Rory rolls her eyes and grabs her sandals, walking ahead of Jess. He jogs after her and launches into his defense as to how she's the reason for all of this. The couple banter and bicker good-naturedly for the entire walk back to Emily's house, never truly reaching an agreement.

**********************************

Rory flops back on the bed, arms spread out like she's making a snow angel. Jess enters the guest bedroom moments after her with Milo by his side, closing their door with a resounding click. They just put Lucas to bed, but it took longer than usual since he wouldn't stop fussing and crying. Nothing seemed to do the trick. He didn't want to eat, listen to another story, or anything. Rory's guess is that all the crying tired him out until he finally fell asleep. Jess nudges Rory and tells her to scoot over, which she does. Rory sits up and leans back against the pillows. Milo walks over to the chair in the corner and hops on up, getting ready for _his_ bedtime.

"I don't know how some parents do it," Jess mumbles, throwing his arm across his eyes. "When Lucas gets like that, he can wipe the both of us out, no problem. Imagine adding another kid or two into the mix. We would be zombies."

Rory snickers and turns on her side, propping herself up on her elbow to stare down at him. The more she thinks about the scenario Jess has presented, the more her amusement subsides. She aimlessly traces the pattern sewn into the blanket.

"Would... Would that be such a bad thing?" Rory asks feebly. "Adding another kid into the mix?"

Jess gradually removes his arm from his face, glancing at Rory, who smiles shyly.

"Well? Would it?"

Jess visibly gulps, contemplating how to answer. He sits up to lean against the pillows. Rory follows him with her gaze, waiting for a response.

"I - I'm not sure," he says slowly, testing the waters.

"I know we agreed to pin this conversation until a later date, but I saw a chance, and I... I took it. We don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to."

"No, that's not it. I guess I never really thought of having a kid that's biologically mine, not since our last conversation, anyway. Previous to then, it just... It didn't seem to be in the cards for me."

"So..."

"So, to answer your question, no. It wouldn't be the... worst thing in the world."

Rory perks up at his reply. "Yeah?"

"At the very least, I'd have nine months to get used to the idea."

She rolls her eyes and tackles him to the mattress, causing him to slide down slightly. Jess chuckles and easily fights off her attack. Although, he does eventually let her pin his wrists to the sheets.

"Is this you instigating something? Because I'm not usually into this sort of stuff, but I'm willing to give it a shot."

"You're incorrigible," Rory admonishes through laughter.

Jess smirks up at her. Truth be told, he really hasn't put much thought into adding to their family - not since Rory's pregnancy scare. He wasn't lying, though. Having a kid of their own wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, and with the sound of Rory's laughter filling the empty spaces between them, Jess suddenly wants nothing more. He wants a little boy or girl, and he wants it with Rory.

"Let's do it," Jess says. "Let's stop not trying."

"Right now?"

"No time like the present."

\- + -

**Middle of October, 2021**

The timer on Rory's phone rings throughout the otherwise silent bathroom. She whips her head toward the loud noise, so fast that she almost gives herself whiplash. From her seat on the edge of the bathtub, Rory leans forward and taps at the screen, effectively shutting the alarm off. In the silence, she's left to stare blankly at the test that's currently resting on the counter.

Rory would be lying if she said that she isn't afraid to see the result. Her and Jess have been trying for more than three years and she's starting to think that they just weren't meant to have a baby of their own. She's starting to lose hope. It's been three years of false positives and multiple miscarriages. When they finally sought out an expert's opinion not too long ago, the pair were told that with Rory's age, it might be more difficult to conceive than usual. In other words, it's not impossible, but the chances of getting pregnant naturally are on the slim side for a woman pushing forty.

Shaking off her growing nerves, Rory stands to grip the pregnancy test between her clammy fingers. She closes her eyes and with bated breath, opens them as she glances down. Positive. The test reads positive. Rory wants to jump and scream out of joy, but she doesn't want to jinx anything. There's been countless times when she's done exactly that - celebrated too early - only for fate to step in. Rory calmly puts the test back down and exits the bathroom. Jess is leaning against the wall, waiting for her outside. He straightens his posture the second he sees her.

"It's positive." Jess breaks out in a grin. He takes one large step toward her and pulls her into his arms. Rory can't help but smile, allowing herself this celebratory moment. Jess lets go, holding her at arm's length while she fiddles with his compass necklace. "I don't want to say anything yet. The last time we told my mom and Luke..."

"I understand." Jess bends to brush his lips over her forehead. "I have a good feeling about this, though."

Rory dips her chin in a simple nod, sighing as she falls back into Jess' arms. He hugs her tightly and runs his fingers through her hair soothingly. Rory closes her eyes, the tension beginning to leave her body. Jess may have a good feeling, but Rory is still on the fence. Given their bad luck in the past few years, who can blame her? They're going to need a miracle at this point, and hope. A lot of hope.

\- + -

**Middle of January, 2022  
[Rory is 12/13 weeks]**

"Whoa, buddy. Hey, don't touch that," Jess lightly scolds, taking Lucas' wandering hands into his. Lucas cries out in protest, clearly unhappy by being told what to do. Jess scoops him up in his arms and looks around for another distraction. Rory watches while he bounces Lucas, occasionally pointing through the blinds, showing Lucas the snowflakes falling outside.

Amidst her staring, the door opens and closes. Dr. Tanner, the OBGYN who tended to her during Lucas' pregnancy, smiles in greeting as she reads Rory's chart.

"How's mom feeling today?" she asks over her shoulder while she washes her hands.

"Nervous."

Dr. Tanner laughs softly and assures Rory that feeling nervous is normal. She preps herself and gets the sonogram equipment ready, instructing Rory to lift her shirt. She does as told, exposing her stomach.

"And how is dad?"

"About the same," Jess laughs anxiously as he stands by Rory's head.

"Well, not to worry. Let's see how your baby is doing today."

The room goes quiet again when Dr. Tanner places the transducer over Rory's lower stomach. Jess takes a seat with Lucas in his lap, resting his arm on the table while he and Rory watch the screen for any sign of life. A collective breath is released when a grainy image pops up.

"Oh," Dr. Tanner mutters, shock registering in her voice.

Rory stiffens. "Was that a good _oh_ or a bad _oh_?"

"That depends. How do you feel about twins?"

"I'm sorry. For a second there, I thought you said twins."

When Dr. Tanner continues to stare blankly at her, Rory inhales sharply. Next to her, Jess chokes, eyes bulging. Babies? As in, plural?

"Babies?" Jess voices Rory's thoughts. "As in, more than one?"

"I'm afraid so. Right here is Baby A," Dr. Tanner says, pointing at the screen, "and here is Baby B."

Rory's almost certain her heart skips. Dr. Tanner continues to go about the process, and guarantees that the babies are both in perfect health, congratulating her and Jess on her way out the door. Jess wordlessly hands Rory a towel so she can wipe away the gel. Once she's finished, she pulls her shirt back down and sits up.

"Twins," she says as an afterthought. " _Twins._ "

"Think we can do it?"

"I guess we're going to find out."

\- + -

**End of July, 2022  
[Twins are two weeks overdue]**

It was only supposed to be a regular appointment. She was supposed to get her blood pressure taken, and have the twins checked on via sonogram, and then she'd be on her merry way. Instead, when Rory came in for her doctor's appointment, her blood pressure was unbelievably high, and it didn't help that the babies were two weeks late, either. Dr. Tanner immediately instructed Rory to go to the hospital so she can be induced, which was completely absurd. She had the rest of the day ahead of her, Jess was at work, she had her son with her - and she wanted her to go to the hospital? The twins have waited long enough. Couldn't they wait one more day?

Needless to say, Rory lost that battle. Her family and friends were called, Rory's plans were postponed, and Lucas excitedly tagged along through it all. It's now been two hours since she saw her OBGYN, and Rory is currently set up in a hospital room and hooked up to an IV, while she and Lucas wait for Jess. He was frantic when Rory called him, but promised he'd leave as soon as possible, so he should be arriving momentarily. As if on cue, Rory sees the blur of Jess' form run past her room twice, before he actually comes to a stop inside the entryway.

"How... are... you?" he asks while trying to catch his breath.

Rory laughs lightly, allowing her boyfriend to catch his breath. "They broke my water, and are giving me some sort of drug through this IV to spur labor."

"Any contractions yet?"

"Not yet, but they recently inserted the IV. They should start any minute now." Rory sighs unhappily. "Definitely not looking forward to that."

Jess chuckles and approaches Rory, greeting her properly with a gentle kiss before saying hello to Lucas. A nurse comes in to check on her, rounding the hospital bed. Since they administered the IV, Rory and the babies have to be monitored closely.

"Any pain so far?" the nurse asks.

"Not ye - Ow!" She doubles over in pain, the first onset of contractions hitting her. Through gritted teeth, she adjusts her original reply, "I take that back. Yes, pain. A lot of it."

The nurse smiles sympathetically and helps Rory breathe through the ache. Jess comes to a stop on her other side and rubs Rory's back, breathing with her. By the time the agony passes, Rory is sweating and her muscles are already tired. She forgot just how much contractions take out of a person.

"I hate you," she directs at Jess. "You are never coming near me again."

He snickers and nods to please her. "Whatever you say, baby."

"I mean it. We're establishing an abstinence rule."

"I give you a week, if that."

Rory glares at Jess, who laughs harder in response. She swats at him, telling him to go take a walk. Jess merely smirks and plants a kiss on her cheek, walking back over to the couch where Lucas is seated, occupied with his coloring book. He winks teasingly in her direction and Rory sneers, sticking her tongue out.

"I love you," Jess mouths.

Rory rolls her eyes and contrary to her previous statement, she mouths back, "I love you."

**********************************

The waiting is the hardest part. Everyone that's even remotely important to Rory or Jess is there - Luke, Lorelai, Paris, Lane, Emily - you name them, they're probably there in the waiting room. Jess even gave Lane his phone so that she could keep Chris and Matthew on FaceTime while he was with Rory in the delivery room. When Jess rounds the corner, holding Lucas' hand, everybody stands.

"How is she?" Lorelai is the first to speak.

"She's tired, but she's... she's great. Everyone's healthy."

"Well, don't just stand there. Let's meet the monsters."

Jess gestures for them to follow him back to the room. The already small hospital room grows smaller when their friends and family enter the room. Rory is sitting up, eyes closed with her hand resting on the cart. Beyond the clear bins are a baby boy and girl, sleeping soundly.

They all gather around the babies and Rory eventually stirs, waking up. Jess greets her with a smile, which she sleepily returns. Lorelai climbs onto the hospital bed next to her daughter and praises her, telling her what a good job she did.

"They have names yet?" Chris asks from Lane's phone.

Jess and Rory share a look, and she nods, giving him the go ahead to tell them.

"This," Jess starts, tenderly running a finger across their baby girl's cheek, "is Emery Victoria Gilmore-Mariano."

Rory stares pointedly at Emily, who is crying. Lorelai smiles to herself and gently pinches Rory, resting her cheek on Rory's shoulder. Luke claps Jess lightly on the back as they both take in the emotional scene before them, featuring all three Gilmore women.

"And this," Jess continues, "is Oliver Allen Gilmore-Mariano."

"What, did you run out of family to name him after?" Paris chimes in.

"Yes and no," Rory answers. "We wanted his name to be special, but the kind of special that doesn't necessarily pertain to the sentiment of familial names being passed down."

Jess and Rory both decide not to indulge them any further on their son's name. It's a piece of their story that's solely theirs, and they want to keep it that way. Rory reaches for his hand, stretching behind the cart to get to him. After a few more minutes of admiring the newest additions to the family, Rory decides she needs some rest and they all collectively leave the room, except for Lucas and Jess.

Lucas sits at the foot of the bed, watching television. Rory tugs on Jess' hand, and he takes the hint, squeezing his way onto the rather uncomfortable hospital bed. Rory rests her chin below his collarbone as they both stare at the twins.

"I love you," Rory murmurs. "Dodger."

Jess smirks, tightening his hold on her hand. "So, what? I can't call you Ginsberg, but you can call me Dodger?"

"Ginsberg isn't as cute, and you know it."

"Worth a shot."

Rory rolls her eyes and elbows him in the ribs. He feigns injury, wincing dramatically.

"I think you broke a rib."

"Good thing we're already at a hospital."

\- + -

**October, 2022**

Rory sits back as Lucas runs circles around the couch, wearing some sort of cape Jess bought him and manning a plastic lightsaber. The twins are in their matching baby swings, playing with the toys on the handle, while a movie plays in the background. Lucas lets out a shout about being "Luke Skywalker, the best Jedi Master around" before jumping on the couch next to Rory, promptly knocking the lamp off the table as the furniture jostles.

"Lucas," Rory exasperates, grumbling as she rubs at her temples. "Honey, you know you're not supposed to jump on the furniture."

"Milo does it all the time."

"Milo is a dog. You, on the other hand, are a destructive little boy."

Lucas grins and Rory scrunches her nose, tweaking his chin. While Rory picks up the lamp and inspects it for damage, Lucas flops back against the cushions and sighs loudly.

"But there's nowhere for me to play, momma."

The lamp has a plastic outlining, so it has a scratch or two, but is otherwise fine. Rory puts it back in its rightful place. She frowns, hands on her hips. She looks out the sliding door in the kitchen to see their small backyard. It's hardly a yard, with only so much space until their brownstone meets the next one over.

"I know, baby. We'll... We'll think of something." Rory pushes his dirty blonde hair back and bends to kiss his forehead. "In the meantime, no more jumping on the furniture, please."

"Yes, momma."

"Thank you."

Rory excuses herself for a minute, walking down the hall toward hers and Jess' bedroom. He's been cooped up in there for two hours, writing. Rory knocks before she opens the door. Jess barely looks up, though he does mutter a small _hello._ She crosses the floor and takes a seat on the end of the bed, on Jess' side.

"Jess," Rory says softly, trying to get his attention.

"Yeah?"

"I hate to say it, but I think we need a new house."

Jess pauses in writing, clicking his pen and closing his notebook. Rory lifts a shoulder in a shrug as a deep sigh leaves him. He bites his bottom lip in thought, fiddling with the pen.

"What makes you say that?"

"We have a dog and three kids, one of which that just told me he has nowhere to play. I love our little brownstone on Cornelia Street, and I like being so close to work and Stars Hollow, but I - I think we need a change."

Jess purses his lips, processing her words. "Okay."

"Okay? That's it?"

"Yeah, that's it." Rory quirks an eyebrow in response. Jess half-grins and places his writing things on the bedside table, scooting closer to her. He takes her hands in his, running his thumb over the tops of her knuckles. "I have been missing you my whole life, Rory. So, wherever you want to go, whatever you want to do... Count me in."

Rory softens at his declaration. She leans forward to gently kiss his lips. "Thank you. I love you."

"I love you," Jess echoes. "We'll look at houses later this evening, all right?"

"Deal."

\- + -

**End of December, 2022**

Rory and Jess end up closing on a moderately sized house, located atop a hill, with a huge backyard and front yard. Their new home is located in Hightstown, New Jersey. It's the perfect location as the couple get to have the best of both worlds. Given that Hightstown is fifty minutes from Philly and NYC, Jess and Rory can travel to and from their new house to their new jobs. Jess was able to get his old job back with Truncheon. Chris and Matthew welcomed him back with open arms. Whereas Rory realized her heart lays with journalism, and had the opportunity for a paid internship with The New York Times. Rumor has it, they're thinking of taking her on full-time.

Hightstown is a little ways from Connecticut - about two and a half hours - but both Jess and Rory keep in touch with their friends and family, a phone call everyday and a text here and there for when they're busy.

Rory sits at the dining table, near the kitchen window, with a cup of coffee in front of her. Jess is across from her, writing like his life depends on it. She watches as Lucas repeatedly throws a football through an old tire swing while Milo tries to catch it mid-air, running circles around Lucas. Rory smiles to herself, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Is that a smile?" Jess teases when he finally looks up, pen tucked behind his ear.

Rory's smile deepens. "I'm just happy, I guess. I think we're going to like it here."

"Yeah. I think we're going to like it here, too."

Rory reaches across the table for Jess' hand. He turns her hand over, palm facing upward, and traces the lines on her skin. Rory yanks her hand away when it begins to tickle her, and Jess chuckles.

"You're mean," Rory scolds, sticking her tongue out.

"Too bad. You're stuck with me."

"Well, maybe _you're_ stuck with _me._ "

Jess shrugs, leaning back in his chair. "Call it what you want, but all roads lead back to the same place... You and me."

"You and me," Rory confirms with a confident nod. Jess smirks a little and clicks his pen, going back to writing. "Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Jess grins slightly, the reflection of the kitchen lights dancing in his light brown eyes. Rory returns the smile, resting her chin on the backs of her hands, feeling more in love with him now than she ever has.

"I love you, too."


	32. paper rings (epilogue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke and Lorelai tie the knot at long last. Jess and Rory commemorate the special day in an unexpected way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last timeline update: the epilogue takes place at the end of August, 2024. Lucas is seven and the twins have just turned two.

"Thanks, Syd."

Rory closes the front door with a click and walks slowly toward the kitchen, looking through the mail that was just delivered by their mail carrier, Sydney. It's mostly junk, except for one envelope in particular that's addressed to Jess. Rory examines the pristine handwriting while she tosses the rest of the mail to the side, landing on the kitchen island with a light thud.

"Anything good?" Jess asks on his way down the stairs, messing with his tie.

Rory wordlessly holds out the envelope. Jess glances at it questioningly while he fixes his attire. Once he finishes with his tie, he plucks it from Rory's fingers and tears into the material. Inside is what appears to be a letter, folded into thirds. As Jess extracts the letter, Lucas runs by the bottom of the stairs with Oliver in his arms, crashing ungracefully into the table near the doorway. The vase on the surface shakes with the force, but thankfully, doesn't fall and break. Lucas, on the other hand, _does_ fall. He lands on his backside with Oliver still securely in his arms.

"I got this one," Rory laughs, running a soothing hand over Jess' shoulder blades as she passes. Rory checks on both boys, and only when they give the verdict that they're in good shape, does she reprimand them. Lucas should know better than to run in the house, but at least he's dressed for the wedding. Oliver, however, is not. He's only got his bottoms and bowtie on. "Jess, I thought you said you were going to dress Oliver."

"I was," Jess replies, turning to look at the situation. Lucas is hugging Rory's leg in an effort to get back in her good graces and Rory has Oliver on her hip, "but Emmy was walking around buck naked, so I finished dressing her first. I was going to take care of Ollie after I was done with my tie, but then..."

"Right, the letter." Rory mulls over her options, trying to decide how she wants to do this with the limited time that they have. "Lucas, stay down here with your father. I have to go check on Emmy and dress Ollie. You got me?"

"Yes, momma."

"Good boy." Rory bends down and kisses her son's cheek. "I love you. There's cookies on the counter, but don't eat too much. There'll be cake at the wedding."

"Cake," Lucas repeats in an awestruck tone. "For me?"

"No," Rory laughs. "You'll get to have a slice - maybe two, if grandma is feeling generous. It's not like your birthday, when Aunt Sookie made a whole cake just for you."

Lucas pouts, so Rory is quick to remind him of the cookies sitting in the kitchen. He takes off at full speed and hops up onto the chair in one motion, so fast that Rory is surprised he doesn't fall over again. She lets out a breathy laugh in amazement.

"Jess, I'll be upstairs."

"I'll be here."

He doesn't look up as he hears Rory head up the staircase. He simply unfolds the letter, skimming the page. Jess almost immediately recognizes the handwriting as Charlie's. He should know it better than anyone at this point. He spent so much time at Charlie's restaurant during his time in Philly, seeing orders written in Charlie's neat script. Charlie had gotten in contact with Jess a few weeks ago, asking for his address. Jess gave it to him, but nothing came in the mail, until now.

Within the letter is a picture of Charlie with his kids. Jess grins a little, glad to know Charlie's holding up just fine. At least, that's what it looks like. The letter reads, " _Jess, I hope you and that girlfriend are safe and healthy. She better be taking care of you like I asked. Me, I left Philly about a year ago. I'm living with my son, Caleb, now. We're in the Seattle area and trying to stay afloat. It's awfully rainy here. I'm thinking about packing my bag and leaving in the middle of the night. Anyway, I'll keep the rest of this letter short and sweet. I'm just checking in, making sure all is well. Life is fleeting, after all. Which reminds me - call every once in a while, would you? Otherwise, I'll have no other choice but to think you've kicked the bucket. Don't put an old man like me through that kind of distress. -Charlie Burgess._ "

Jess laughs lightly and takes the letter, and photograph, and puts them up on the fridge. He makes a mental note to call Charlie tomorrow. He feels something brush his pant leg and looks down to see Lucas, holding up a cookie in offering. Jess thanks him and accepts, taking a bite out of the baked good.

"Who are they?" Lucas asks, pointing at the picture.

"This," Jess gestures to Charlie, "is an old friend of your father's, and these are his kids."

"How come we've never met him?"

"Actually, you have. You met him when you were younger, and when Charlie - that's my friend - still lived nearby in Philly."

"Was he nice?"

Jess finishes off his cookie and Lucas does the same, already moving to get another. Jess scoops him up in his arms, causing Lucas to shout in hilarity, and sets him down on the counter, far away from the sweets. Jess is sure Lucas has had more cookies than Rory probably wanted him to. He's extremely sneaky and doesn't know his own limits when it comes to how much he eats.

"He was very nice," Jess answers Lucas' question. "One of the nicest men I've ever met."

"Good. I think everybody should have someone that nice for a friend." Jess grins slightly and Lucas smiles widely in return. "You're my best friend, dad."

"Yeah, you're my best friend, too, buddy. Don't tell your mom, though."

Lucas mimes zipping his mouth closed and throwing away the key. Jess laughs and sets him back down on his feet, putting away the cookies for good measure. His chest swells with pride and love for Lucas. Between him, Rory, and Logan, they have an agreement that Jess is called dad, while Logan is often referred to by name or as momma's friend. Rory came up with the idea when she realized how little Lucas actually saw his biological father. It wasn't fair to anyone involved when Jess was in the picture more than Logan. At first, Logan put up a fight, but Rory reasoned with him in the end. Soon after the labels were decided, it resulted in a last name change for Lucas - which Logan initially fought Jess and Rory on, too. It was a longer process than either Jess or Rory anticipated, but it was worth it. His legal name is now Lucas Richard Gilmore-Mariano.

"You ready?" Rory questions, sounding out of breath. She bounds down the steps with each twin on an arm, both dressed this time around.

"I'm ready. You ready, Skywalker?"

"Ready," Lucas answers.

"You certainly look ready. You're going to give your Grandpa Luke a run for his money, that's for sure."

Rory rolls her eyes at the nickname - she's still not completely on board, but she tolerates it for Jess' benefit - as they all head toward the door. The car is already packed with snacks, drinks, toys, Luke and Lorelai's wedding gift. Whatever she thought they might need, Rory packed it. Jess makes sure to turn off all the lights, locking the door behind them. Milo is staying with their neighbors for the short weekend, so no need to waste any electricity.

"Hey, who wrote you that letter?" Rory asks over the top of the car. She finishes strapping the twins into their seats and shuts the door before climbing into the passenger seat. Jess follows Rory's lead, hopping in behind the steering wheel.

"Charlie."

"Really? What'd he have to say?"

"He was mostly ragging on me because I don't call him nearly as often as he calls us."

Rory snorts, buckling her seatbelt. "Sounds like Charlie."

"He's up in Seattle now," Jess mentions while he backs out of the driveway. "He claims that it's too rainy for him, though."

"Figures. Well, maybe we'll have to visit him sometime."

"Yeah? Even with all that supposed rain?"

Rory shrugs in her seat, a smile curving on her lips. "I like the rain. It reminds me of you."

Jess grins, reaching for Rory's hand on the center console with his free hand. He squeezes once, locking their fingers together. He's sure that they're both thinking of their romantic moment out in that dreadful downpour; the moment that changed everything for them.

"In that case, we might just have to take a trip."

**********************************

The same _Welcome to Stars Hollow_ sign that's been up for what seems like ages, greets them as Jess drives past, slowing as he enters the small town. A thrill of familiarity jolts through Rory at seeing her hometown while Jess pulls up to the curb, and parks the car near Luke's Diner. The wedding festivities are already in full swing as Jess and Rory exit the vehicle, helping the kids out of their respective seats. The town square is decorated to Lorelai's liking with chairs lining the grass, and the pavement leading up to the gazebo acting as a makeshift aisle. Rory stares at the set up in admiration. It's as though they've entered some kind of fairytale.

Jess helps Lucas out of the car while Rory handles the twins, making the transition from their car seats to the stroller. The couple meet at the front of the car, and after Jess locks it, they start walking toward the gazebo. Their path is unceremoniously cut off by Luke, who appears to have lost his mind - just a little bit. His eyes are crazed, his tie is undone and wrinkled, and he's without a baseball cap, which if you ask Jess, causes insanity itself. Rory jumps at his sudden presence, holding a hand over her racing heart.

"You're late," he points out in a gruff tone. "Do you realize how much effort it takes to keep Taylor distracted? He keeps asking about my best man, Lorelai's maid of honor, and the ring bearer, which - oh by the way - are you three."

Jess reins in his amusement as best he can, but Luke can still see it, because he jabs a stern finger in his nephew's direction with a warning glare. Jess holds his hands up in defense, ushering Lucas, who is the ring bearer, toward the pavilion. Luke turns his scowl on Rory, who might be a smidge scared. She's never seen Luke so disoriented. Albeit, it is his wedding day, but with Taylor around, his presence automatically adds more stress to Luke's life.

"Your mother is upstairs in the apartment. Go."

"Why would she be there?"

"She didn't want me to see her before the wedding." Under his breath, Luke tacks on, "Even though I've already seen her dress since she was too excited to wait."

"Oh, are we doing that?"

Luke simply points behind him, at the entrance to the diner, and Rory snaps into action. She hurries to drop the twins off with Sookie and Jackson, who are already in their seats. They had agreed beforehand to watch the children while Rory performed her matronly duties. Once she says a quick hello and goodbye, she's off. Rory crosses the street and all but sprints into Luke's, yanking the door open as the bell clangs above her. She jogs up the staircase, not bothering to knock on the apartment door before pushing it open. Rory's breathless by the time she reaches her destination, but what really steals her breath is the sight of her mom in her wedding dress. Rory gasps, covering her mouth in awe.

Lorelai spins around at the commotion, revealing a white satin dress with a lace design on the top half. The skirt goes all the way to the floor, dragging behind her when she moves to greet Rory. Lane, who was helping Lorelai get ready in Rory's absence, scurries to pick up the train. Rory hugs her mother first, and then Lane.

"Mom!" Rory cheers, walking around Lorelai. "You look so beautiful."

Lorelai heads back to the full length mirror with Lane following closely behind. "I kind of do, don't I?"

"Luke's going to be speechless," Rory confirms.

Lane picks up the veil that's nearby and holds it out to Rory, who gratefully takes it. She may have been late for the rest of it, but this she can do. Rory places the clip atop Lorelai's hair, which she's wearing curly and down, and adjusts the veil so it sits nicely along the back of the dress. Lorelai stares back at her reflection, practically glowing, while Rory stands behind her with tears in her eyes. Lane offers her a tissue and Rory takes it, thanking her.

Their emotional time together is interrupted when the music begins to play outside, the traditional Bridal Chorus coming in through the open window. Lane gathers Lorelai's train and Rory walks ahead, getting the door. Between the three of them, they somehow manage to get Lorelai down the stairs in one piece, despite her wearing heels while walking down an open staircase. Lane signals for Rory to go take her place as maid of honor underneath the gazebo. Rory's hesitant to leave her mother's side, but once she's certain Lane has everything handled, Rory does as she's told and takes off toward the gazebo while Lorelai prepares to walk down the aisle.

**********************************

Luke is standing at the end of the make-do aisle with Kirk and Taylor behind him. Both Taylor and Kirk are ordained, and when Lorelai was searching for an inexpensive minister for the ceremony, both volunteered to officiate. Being the woman she is, Lorelai made them fight for their right to be minister. She had them running harebrained errands for her to test their dedication, making pies - the whole royal treatment, until Luke ultimately put an end to the madness and decided they could both do it. Rory isn't completely sure that's allowed, but Lorelai didn't object, so here they are. The music continues to play as everyone stands to welcome the bride.

When she's close enough, Lorelai hands Rory her bouquet of yellow daisies while Lane takes her seat in between Zack and Emily. Lorelai hikes up her dress and ascends the set of stairs until she reaches the landing. She releases the skirt and meets Luke, extending her hand out to grab his. Luke smiles proudly at his soon-to-be wife, his stare full of adoration and happiness. Rory blinks away her tears, momentarily looking out at the crowd that mostly consists of Stars Hollow residents, before returning her attention back to the unification. Over Luke's shoulder, Rory catches Jess' eye and smiles fondly. With his hands clasped firmly in front of him, he returns the sentiment with a half-grin of his own and a sly wink. Taylor gestures for the attendants to sit back down. He and Kirk get the ceremony started while they all look on. Luke and Lorelai choose to recite the traditional vows in place of their own.

"Do you, Lucas Danes, take Lorelai Gilmore to be your lawfully wedded wife?" Taylor asks.

"I do."

"And do you, Lorelai Gilmore, take Lucas Danes to be your lawfully wedded husband?" Kirk takes his turn.

"Oh, boy, do I."

Lorelai's response earns a few laughs from the throng of Stars Hollow citizens. Taylor smiles, and Rory thinks she even sees some tears in the sunlight. Kirk calls for the rings and Lucas comes forward, holding out the rings for the bride and groom. Luke and Lorelai exchange rings, and together, Kirk and Taylor announce that Luke may kiss his bride. He does just that, wrapping Lorelai up in his arms. Everybody stands and claps, and some guests even let out a couple shouts in celebration. Rory beams at the sight of her mom and Luke, finally together in every sense of the word.

**********************************

After the wedding, Luke and Lorelai invite all of their guests back to the diner for lobster and other sorts of foods, in case anyone is allergic or just isn't into seafood. Rory watches as more and more people file into Luke's as she and Jess sit on the bench under the shelter of the gazebo. Rory links hands with Jess, who spares a lopsided, closemouthed smile in her direction. She smiles back, squeezing his hand. The twins and Lucas are with the rest of their family at the diner, eating cake and lobster to their heart's content. Rory sighs, her smile fading slightly.

"What's that face?" Jess knocks his shoulder against hers.

"What face?"

"This one right here," he says quietly, grazing a finger over Rory's cheek for emphasis.

Rory rolls her eyes and pushes away his wandering hand. Jess chuckles, releasing her hand to throw an arm over her shoulders, pulling her closer to him. Rory melts into his side, resting her head on his chest.

"Just thinking, I guess."

"Do I need to remind you that I've seen your concentration face? You think I don't know you, Rory Gilmore, but I do."

Jess playfully pinches her shoulder. Rory smiles into his chest, gently elbowing him in the side. Her amusement eventually subsides, leaving her to face the truth. She picks at her nails and shrugs against Jess.

"I don't know. Don't... Don't you want that?"

"Do I want what?"

"That." Rory points across the street. Lorelai is standing outside of Luke's, showcasing her wedding ring to anyone that passes by the diner, shouting excitedly in their faces about how she just married the love of her life. "Well, maybe not _that_ _,_ but you get my drift."

"You want to get married," he speaks matter-of-factly.

Rory purses her lips, a small frown crossing her features. "I love you and I love our life together. It's just, seeing their wedding... I mean, doesn't it bother you that we're not engaged? That we're not married by now?"

"No, it doesn't," Jess answers sincerely. Rory disentangles herself from Jess' grip to face him properly. "Rory, the second I saw you I knew I wanted to be with you. I'm... I'm happy, just knowing that I'm with you, that we're together. That's enough for me."

Rory grins at Jess and he can't help the quirk of his lips. He _is_ happy, happier than he ever believed he could be, happier than he ever thought he deserved.

"But wouldn't it be nice to go places and say, 'This is my wife, Rory'?"

"I don't think we leave the house enough for that."

"Jess," Rory admonishes lightly, though a small laugh does escape her.

He smiles down at her, recalling Charlie's letter from earlier. _Life is fleeting,_ he had written, and it is. These last seven years have gone by so quickly that his time with Rory and their family almost doesn't seem real. It feels like a dream, and in reality, their lives together have been nothing short of a dream. Jess reaches for Rory's hand on her lap, enclosing it in his. Rory glimpses up at him from beneath her lashes and Jess' chest aches at how much he loves her, how hard he falls for her each day.

"You want to get engaged? Let's get engaged. You want to get married? We can get married right now, if that's what you want."

Rory's lips part. This is what she wants, the whole package, and here Jess is, offering everything to her on a silver platter. She searches his eyes for any regret or reluctance, but only finds devotion. He's completely serious. He'd marry her right this instant, if she asked.

"We don't have any vows," Rory mumbles. "We don't even have rings."

Jess slips away from Rory and jogs down the staircase, toward their car. When he's within distance, he hits the unlock button and the lights flash in response. Jess pulls open the backseat door and rummages through the snack bag that Rory packed for the kids. After some time, he finds what he's looking for, slides it into his pocket, and closes the door. He makes sure to lock the car again before heading back to Rory. He waits at the bottom of the steps and holds his hand out to her. Rory slowly stands from the bench and descends the stairs, taking his hand.

"What are you doing?"

"Close your eyes."

Rory narrows her stare at Jess in suspicion before following his instructions. Jess guides her throughout the short walk, past Stars Hollow High School, and into the wooded area. He peeks around Rory's shoulder to check if she still has her eyes closed. She does. Jess walks a little ways down the planks of wood and places his hands on Rory's arms, having her stand in a specific spot. He steps back, extracts what's in his pocket, and bends down on one knee.

"Open them." Rory opens her eyes and takes in her surroundings. She smiles when she realizes that they're at the bridge near the lake, _their_ bridge, as she likes to look at it. The crinkle of a wrapper draws her attention downward. Jess pockets the candy wrapper and holds up a Ring Pop. "We've been writing our vows our whole life, Rory. As for the rings, well..."

Rory looks on in amazement as Jess slides the piece of candy onto her left ring finger, not even asking her to marry him, but he doesn't need to. That is one question he'll never have to ask. The Ring Pop is a little melted since it was sitting in the warm car for most of the day, but it's the thought that counts. She can feel herself smile as Jess stands, taking her hands in his grasp.

"I don't want to steal my mom's thunder."

"I'm sure she'd understand."

"Okay," Rory surrenders, not that she was putting up much of a fight to begin with. "Let's get married."

**********************************

As Jess predicted, Lorelai was completely okay with her daughter "stealing her thunder." In fact, she was more worried about sharing her wedding cake than anything else. Taylor is still blubbering over Luke and Lorelai's wedding, leaving Kirk to officiate Jess and Rory's impromptu ceremony. All of the previous guests take their respective seats while Lane and Paris stand proudly next to Rory as her bridesmaids, and Luke stands near Jess as his best man. Lorelai and Lucas sit in the front row with the stroller off to her left, holding two sleeping Gilmore-Mariano children.

"Jess, I believe you have some vows you'd like to share with Rory."

"Er, yes." Jess coughs awkwardly and takes a deep breath, readying himself. "I think we're all aware that I'm not the kind of person who wears his heart on his sleeve, but I... I just want to take this moment to thank you, Rory. You taught me how to be more, how to do more. You showed me that I don't have to be my mistakes. Your faith in me never wavered. You - You make me brave, you make me kind, you make me _better._ "

Kirk sniffles, wiping away a tear. "And Rory, is there anything you'd like to say to Jess?"

Rory sets her shoulders, smiling shyly at her other half. "Jess, when I first met you, I thought _what could be better than this?_ And now I know - nothing. Nothing can ever beat the feeling I get when I'm around you, and I never want to lose that feeling. In return, you have taught me to be and do many things. You pushed me to go back to Yale because you always had my best interest in mind. You told me to write a book, and I did, and it ended up being one of the most eye-opening experiences of my life. You just... You continue to surprise me each day in the best way, so thank you. I love you."

Rory bites her bottom lip to stifle her grin as Jess stares at her with knowing eyes. He loosely grips her hands with his, repeating the rest of the ceremonial vows after Kirk. Rory follows shortly afterward, her palms growing clammy with anticipation.

"I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Mariano. You may kiss your bride."

Jess steps forward and places his hands on Rory's hips, anchoring himself as they share their first kiss as husband and wife. Behind Rory, Lane and Paris clap and cheer while Luke wears a cheerful expression, clapping. The newlyweds pull away and Rory excitedly holds up their linked hands, presenting the Ring Pop to the rest of the crowd, a temporary symbol of their once in a lifetime kind of love. Until they can get real wedding bands, that is.

**********************************

Jess grins a little at his phone, seeing Chris and Matthew's texts come in through their group chat. Lorelai insisted on taking a photo of him and Rory, and Rory then convinced Jess to send the picture to his friends. Chris' message reads, _About damn time!_ while Matthew sends, _Took you long enough. Congrats._ with a party emoji. Jess likes both messages and tells them he'll call later before locking his phone and putting it away. He kisses Rory on the cheek while walking by, climbing the stairs to the gazebo with a fresh cup of champagne for her. She happily takes the kiss and the drink.

The sun is in the beginning stages of setting beyond the horizon as the guests begin to disperse, thanking Luke and Lorelai, and Jess and Rory for letting them be a part of their special day. Rory watches while her mother dances barefoot on the grass with Emmy, smiling warmly. Lucas and Oliver are off with their Aunt Sookie and Uncle Jackson, leaving Rory with Jess and Luke under the gazebo, soaking in the aftermath. While Rory hangs out near the railing, Jess and Luke stand side by side. They share a mutual look, one that says, _Who would have thought?_ Luke clears his throat and abruptly brings Jess in for a hug. Startled, Jess pauses before returning the action.

"Proud of you," is all Luke says.

Jess' lips turn at the corners. He claps Luke a couple times on the back and pulls away enough to look at him. Jess swears he sees tears in his uncle's eyes, but without the bright sunlight from earlier, it's hard to tell for sure.

"Thanks. It... It means a lot."

Luke places his hand on Jess' shoulder, sharing a moment with him. After the moment passes, Luke nods and leaves Jess to see what Lorelai is up to. Jess quietly walks up behind Rory and cages her in with his arms, careful not to knock over her drink that's sitting on the surface. Rory smiles to herself as she leans back into him, content. Jess pulls Rory closer as their family continues to dance along to the music playing from the speakers. Rory laughs, watching as Lorelai passes Emery off to Luke, who stands completely still while Emery looks curiously up at him. Jess stares at his wife, grinning at the melodic sound.

"I love you," Jess murmurs, voicing his feelings aloud into three little words that mean so much.

Rory tears her attention away from what's left of the celebration and turns in his arms, gazing at him. She slides her arms around Jess' middle, her smile widening.

"I love you, too." Rory leans in slightly to press her lips against his and then pulls away, sighing blissfully. She tugs gently on his hands, walking back toward the stairs. "Dance with me."

"Really, a spontaneous wedding wasn't enough for you? Now you want to dance?"

Rory nods, continuing to drag him down the staircase. They cross the grass, where they can have some privacy while keeping their children in their line of sight. "Whatever song that comes on next will be ours."

"What if it's a terrible song?"

"Then our first dance will be to a terrible song. It'll be a fun story to tell the kids, don't you think?"

"Rory."

She laughs and pulls him in as the song changes. "Life After You" by Daughtry comes on, the opening chords playing. Jess exhales, giving in to his wife. At least it's not a _terrible_ song. It's not what he would have chosen, but it'll do. Rory hugs him to her, laying her head on his chest. Jess reciprocates the gesture, wrapping his arms around her waist. The chorus begins to play while the happy couple watch their family dance along.

"Do you think our lives will always be like this?"

Jess smiles softly and kisses the top of Rory's head. "I hope so. I... I want that for you."

Rory slides her hands down from his shoulders until they land on his chest. Jess raises his hands to lock them with hers, coincidentally placed over his heart, beating at a steady pace. Jess rests his cheek atop her hair, staring at the scene unfolding further in front of them. 

"For us," Rory corrects. She lifts their interlocked hands and presses a soft kiss to the top of Jess' knuckles.

Jess smirks slightly and twirls her as the line, " _All that I'm after is a life full of laughter / As long as I'm laughing with you_ " sounds throughout the town square. Rory smiles so wide it hurts, spinning right back into his arms. Jess copies the movement and Rory's favorite crooked grin falls into place.

It's a good life, and with Rory as his wife and three kids to complete their little family, Jess doesn't see how their lives could be anything but this - happy, lively, whole. As long as they have each other, and it appears as though they will for the rest of their lives, Jess will try his hardest to make sure each day is like this. For Rory. For them. For their family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say a great big thank you to everyone who's ever read, commented, or left kudos. As my first real work, I never expected to get so much love from fellow members of the Gilmore Girls community. I absolutely loved writing this story, but at the end of the day, it was the feedback that kept me going. I could not have done any of this without each of you.
> 
> I also want to say a special thank you to Isabel - a girl who I consider to be my best friend, my confidant, and my biggest supporter. You have been here with me from the very start, and it's possible I would have lost inspiration and motivation long ago, if it weren't for you. I love you. Thank you. This is for you.
> 
> As this marks the end of Begin Again, I hope that you stick with me as I continue to write and explore my ideas. I have an ongoing work up on my profile right now (also Literati) and I hope to get back to it soon! If you choose not to stick around, I thank you for this journey. I look forward to the next one.


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